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Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg (this edition first published by Random House in 2013)
Before I read this book I thought Lean In was aimed solely at Sheryl Sandberg types: women who wanted to change the world and be CEOs of companies and leaders of countries.
But I was wrong. This is a book for every woman, whether you work or not, and a book that men desperately need to read too. This is a book for everyone.
“A truly equal world would be one where women ran half our countries and companies and men ran half our homes. I believe this would be a better world.”
Wouldn’t that be true for South Africa too? If we had more strong, powerful female voices in leadership roles, in parliament and business and elsewhere, wouldn’t that lead to better conditions for us overall?
For too long, our society has been a patriarchal one and it’s just not working.
It’s difficult to sum up such an important book, so instead I’m going to list some interesting facts I learned from reading it and hope that this encourages you to read it too:
“A 2011 McKinsey report noted that men are promoted based on potential, while women are promoted based on past accomplishments”.
Not exactly fair is it? We have to prove ourselves immensely before anyone will even consider promoting us, which adds a whole other hurdle to advancing our careers.
“Not all women want careers. Not all women want children. Not all women want both. Some of the most important contributions to our world are made by caring for one person at a time”.
Don’t you love that? Because I’m over the working moms vs stay-at-home moms debate. Of course, most people don’t have a choice financially but when it comes down to it, it should be about finding what fulfills us and brings us happiness.
We’re all different and our mix of career and family should be too.
“When a little girl tries to lead, she is often labelled bossy. Boys are seldom called bossy because a boy taking the role of boss does not surprise or offend”.
How true? In my family I have often been labelled as “Bossy Belinda” – and this started at an early age (it’s a bit of a family joke).
I’m now very conscious of calling Rachel “bossy” if she is giving out instructions (which she frequently does!) – and instead try and phrase it around giving others a turn to be in charge.
“Despite being high achievers, even experts in their fields, women can’t seem to shake the sense that it is only a matter of time until they are found for who they really are – impostors with limited skills”.
She has hit the nail on the head right there – I frequently feel like this. Even though I have over 10 years of experience and I really do know what I’m talking about (I think?!), this is always lurking at the back of my mind, this sense that I’m a bit of a fraud.
“According to the most recent research in the US, even when a husband and wife are both employed fulltime, the woman still does 40% more childcare and 30% more housework than the man”.
Does that sound familiar to you? Or are you more equal in your relationship? I feel in South Africa that we still have a long way to go until this evens out (and in the mean time, it’s pretty exhausting).
“I have even heard a few men say that they are heading home to “babysit” their children. I have never heard of a woman refer to taking care of her children as “babysitting”.
I mean, WTF? Sheryl is so right, I hear this every day! Oh you’re “babysitting” for an hour while your wife goes for a much needed coffee with a friend so she can have some time to herself – high five to you! Where’s your medal?!
“As women must be more empowered at work, men must be more empowered at home. I have seen so many women inadvertently discourage their husbands from doing their share by being too controlling”.
Guilty as charged, I’m afraid, and I aim to work on this. They may not be doing it EXACTLY as you do it but they’ll still get it done in their own way, so you need to let that shit go.
I’m lucky enough to have a husband who works for himself, so he certainly plays his part when it comes to school pick-ups, grocery shopping and overseeing playdates etc.
But there are still certain situations and societal norms that I find myself fighting against every day.
For example, when I take a flight with my baby, I’m just another mother on a plane, probably more of a hindrance than anything else (“Why will that baby not shut up?!)”.
But when Gareth flew without me once and took along one of our young children, you would think the man had invented penicillin. He said that there were ladies cooing and aahing and telling him what a wonderful Dad he was and friendly smiles from people all over the plane (“How ADORABLE! A man! With a baby!).
I would like to see similar coos of adoration from people when I go to work every day and contribute as I do to the family income.
There’s so much more in this book that is important and I urge you to buy a copy for yourselves. Not only because of how it is relevant to us in our marriages or relationships, but because the future we want for our kids should influence how we parent both our daughters and our sons right now.
“The goal is to work towards a world where those social norms no longer exist. If more children see fathers at school pickups and mothers who are busy at jobs, both girls and boys will envision more options for themselves. Expectations will not be set by gender but by personal passions, talents and interests”.
And isn’t this what we all want for our kids? For them to craft a future for themselves where they are fulfilled and challenged and happy? I think Sheryl speaks a whole lot of sense. Read Lean In and you’ll be nodding along with me, page by page.
Read more of Belinda’s reviews on her blog.
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