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What do I say on the invite? Nothing I think of sounds right.
Talk about pressure! The invitations are the guests' first glimpse of everything you want your wedding to be, and it's easy to miss the mark. Try to think of them as an extension of your wedding vision, as if you were giving your guests a taste of the magic you foresee for the day.
For example, if you're saying your vows barefoot on the beach, you don't want to send out austere, traditionally worded invites; rather opt for something more organic, free form and friendly. Wedding coordinator Aleit sums it up well: 'I refer to it as a teaser of what is yet to come.'
And that's exactly what the invite should be.
There's so much to do, I feel like I'm drowning. Is getting a wedding coordinator an unnecessary expense, or will this help cut costs?
This all depends on how much control you are willing to surrender. But if, say, your mother has muscled in and taken over to the extent that it doesn't feel like your wedding any more, turning to a coordinator might be the most diplomatic way of getting your way over hers. You pay, you win.
As far as keeping costs down is concerned, if you inform your coordinator of your wedding budget from the start, they should work strictly within that amount – and that can include their fee.
Don't forget, their contacts and specialist know-how could help you save money on other items. Plus, there's untold value in not having to be Bridezilla for months before your wedding.
Why do I have to wear white? It really doesn't suit me, or my lifestyle. Can I wear purple without causing offence?
In different cultures, and in different eras, colours have come to mean different things by association. White is considered traditional in Western culture but, as our big world gets smaller, brides are starting to feel more confident about wearing other colours. When choosing a dress or outfit, go for what suits you best.
But listen to what others have to say before making your final selection. Firstly, they might actually have good advice about which colours suit you best...
Secondly, if you are worried about choosing a non-traditional colour, knowing how your family and close friends will react will probably guide your decision.
Another thing to keep in mind (and this may sound silly, but trust us) is how you'll feel looking back at your photos 10 years from now. So whatever you choose, make sure it's flattering and timeless. Just think of all those poor brides in bubble skirts, whatever the colour!
Can we ask for money instead of gifts?
Eek! You may be in danger of turning your wedding into a tacky fundraiser. And don't think that you can use the gift cash to pay for the wedding. That's just begging for karmic payback.
That said, in this day and age, why not? So many couples live together prior to tying the knot (or have been in previous long-term relationships)that they already have all the paraphernalia that forms the basis of traditional wedding gifts. It's all a matter of wording and, if it's done discreetly, it's not inappropriate.
Just remember that more traditional guests may feel that giving money is uncouth or impolite. So, use your discretion. If you would prefer to get money, but don't want to put it bluntly on your invitation, ask close family or friends to circulate the information.
I heard a horror story about rice and exploding birds. What can I use as confetti instead?
Confetti is one of those etiquette issues that has wheedled its way into urban legend. Think about it for a minute: confetti is messy. What self-respecting venue is going to actively encourage what is tantamount to littering? To put your mind at rest, rice eaten by our little feathered friends doesn't swell in their stomachs and cause them to explode.
And while paper confetti and rice are big no-no's at a number of venues, there are plenty of options.
Alternatives range from those that are eco-friendly to those that are just plain fun: flower petals are a traditional favourite, or try fresh aromatic herbs like mint or lavender. Or how about bubbles? (Your guests will enjoy them too!)
Why is it bad luck for the groom to see the dress before the ceremony?
There are a number of explanations as to how this wedding superstition (and that's all it is) arose: one dates back to the time of arranged marriages, when couples didn't meet until they stood at the altar. It was considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding day – in case he changed his mind and decided not to marry her!
But, in more recent times (like, say, a century or two ago), brides would traditionally doll up their best dress (with beads, baubles and brooches) and wear it to the wedding. Surely, then, if the couple had been courting, the groom would have seen the dress (albeit without knick-knacks) a number of times already?
Yes, it's nice for your groom to be stunned by your sheer gorgeousness (we think he will be anyway)– but surely, then, the myth should work both ways?
You can't see mine if I can't see yours... Now tell us honestly: how many of you helped your hubby-to-be choose his suit for the wedding? We rest our case.
Who should sit at the top table at the reception?
This is a difficult question, as a lot of egos are involved. Naturally, the bride and groom should be centre stage, facing the guests. Otherwise, the arrangement should follow boy-girl, if possible (there are endless formulas; just keep you and your husband at the centre).
Traditionally, the parents of the bride and groom would beat that table too, as would the best man and bridesmaids. But this isn't always possible (if you have a large family or retinue, or a small venue).
When doing the seating plan for the top table, keep in mind who you're going to offend (and whether, or how, this will impact on your enjoyment).
For example, if you know your mother has a little drinking problem, but your folks are forking out a small mint for your wedding, then you'll have to overlook the drinking. But if one of your bridesmaids has a similar problem, seat the entire entourage at a nearby, but less focal table.
I didn't want to invite children to my wedding – until I overheard one of our closest friends (and a mother of two) complaining about another wedding they'd been invited to where they'd specified no kids. Most of my friends have young (and LOUD) offspring. What do I do?
Face it: if you're inviting people with youngish families, you're in for a rough ride – unless you plan really well. Wedding coordinator Aleit suggests putting together a list of reputable babysitters to cater for your 'younger' guests (you can even allocate a separate kiddies' room, away from the main event).
'Remember that parents worry about their children – you want your adult guests to be completely relaxed, knowing their little ones are in good hands,' Aleit says.
Other alternatives include organising a 'chirp' function for all those under a certain age, with food and entertainment provided to keep the little critters safe, sound and happy for the duration of the ceremony and reception.
Costly? Maybe. But then you can enjoy the day without fear of interruption, and your guests will appreciate the effort.
Bride Trivia
The bride-in-white trend is thought to have been started by Anne of Brittany, who donned a white wedding dress in 1499 for her marriage to Louis XII. If this is true, wearing white is a mere fashion trend, and not a prescription. However, many wedding rhymes speak to the contrary. It all depends what you believe.
Take this one for instance:
Married in white, you will have chosen all right. Married in grey, you will go far away. Married in black, you will wish yourself back. Married in red, you'll wish yourself dead. Married in blue, you will always be true. Married in pearl, you'll live in a whirl. Married in green, ashamed to be seen. Married in yellow, ashamed of the fellow. Married in brown, you'll live out of town. Married in pink, your spirits will sink.
What advice to you have for brides-to-be? Share your tips and stories below.
Talk about pressure! The invitations are the guests' first glimpse of everything you want your wedding to be, and it's easy to miss the mark. Try to think of them as an extension of your wedding vision, as if you were giving your guests a taste of the magic you foresee for the day.
For example, if you're saying your vows barefoot on the beach, you don't want to send out austere, traditionally worded invites; rather opt for something more organic, free form and friendly. Wedding coordinator Aleit sums it up well: 'I refer to it as a teaser of what is yet to come.'
And that's exactly what the invite should be.
There's so much to do, I feel like I'm drowning. Is getting a wedding coordinator an unnecessary expense, or will this help cut costs?
This all depends on how much control you are willing to surrender. But if, say, your mother has muscled in and taken over to the extent that it doesn't feel like your wedding any more, turning to a coordinator might be the most diplomatic way of getting your way over hers. You pay, you win.
As far as keeping costs down is concerned, if you inform your coordinator of your wedding budget from the start, they should work strictly within that amount – and that can include their fee.
Don't forget, their contacts and specialist know-how could help you save money on other items. Plus, there's untold value in not having to be Bridezilla for months before your wedding.
Why do I have to wear white? It really doesn't suit me, or my lifestyle. Can I wear purple without causing offence?
In different cultures, and in different eras, colours have come to mean different things by association. White is considered traditional in Western culture but, as our big world gets smaller, brides are starting to feel more confident about wearing other colours. When choosing a dress or outfit, go for what suits you best.
But listen to what others have to say before making your final selection. Firstly, they might actually have good advice about which colours suit you best...
Secondly, if you are worried about choosing a non-traditional colour, knowing how your family and close friends will react will probably guide your decision.
Another thing to keep in mind (and this may sound silly, but trust us) is how you'll feel looking back at your photos 10 years from now. So whatever you choose, make sure it's flattering and timeless. Just think of all those poor brides in bubble skirts, whatever the colour!
Can we ask for money instead of gifts?
Eek! You may be in danger of turning your wedding into a tacky fundraiser. And don't think that you can use the gift cash to pay for the wedding. That's just begging for karmic payback.
That said, in this day and age, why not? So many couples live together prior to tying the knot (or have been in previous long-term relationships)that they already have all the paraphernalia that forms the basis of traditional wedding gifts. It's all a matter of wording and, if it's done discreetly, it's not inappropriate.
Just remember that more traditional guests may feel that giving money is uncouth or impolite. So, use your discretion. If you would prefer to get money, but don't want to put it bluntly on your invitation, ask close family or friends to circulate the information.
I heard a horror story about rice and exploding birds. What can I use as confetti instead?
Confetti is one of those etiquette issues that has wheedled its way into urban legend. Think about it for a minute: confetti is messy. What self-respecting venue is going to actively encourage what is tantamount to littering? To put your mind at rest, rice eaten by our little feathered friends doesn't swell in their stomachs and cause them to explode.
And while paper confetti and rice are big no-no's at a number of venues, there are plenty of options.
Alternatives range from those that are eco-friendly to those that are just plain fun: flower petals are a traditional favourite, or try fresh aromatic herbs like mint or lavender. Or how about bubbles? (Your guests will enjoy them too!)
Why is it bad luck for the groom to see the dress before the ceremony?
There are a number of explanations as to how this wedding superstition (and that's all it is) arose: one dates back to the time of arranged marriages, when couples didn't meet until they stood at the altar. It was considered bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding day – in case he changed his mind and decided not to marry her!
But, in more recent times (like, say, a century or two ago), brides would traditionally doll up their best dress (with beads, baubles and brooches) and wear it to the wedding. Surely, then, if the couple had been courting, the groom would have seen the dress (albeit without knick-knacks) a number of times already?
Yes, it's nice for your groom to be stunned by your sheer gorgeousness (we think he will be anyway)– but surely, then, the myth should work both ways?
You can't see mine if I can't see yours... Now tell us honestly: how many of you helped your hubby-to-be choose his suit for the wedding? We rest our case.
Who should sit at the top table at the reception?
This is a difficult question, as a lot of egos are involved. Naturally, the bride and groom should be centre stage, facing the guests. Otherwise, the arrangement should follow boy-girl, if possible (there are endless formulas; just keep you and your husband at the centre).
Traditionally, the parents of the bride and groom would beat that table too, as would the best man and bridesmaids. But this isn't always possible (if you have a large family or retinue, or a small venue).
When doing the seating plan for the top table, keep in mind who you're going to offend (and whether, or how, this will impact on your enjoyment).
For example, if you know your mother has a little drinking problem, but your folks are forking out a small mint for your wedding, then you'll have to overlook the drinking. But if one of your bridesmaids has a similar problem, seat the entire entourage at a nearby, but less focal table.
I didn't want to invite children to my wedding – until I overheard one of our closest friends (and a mother of two) complaining about another wedding they'd been invited to where they'd specified no kids. Most of my friends have young (and LOUD) offspring. What do I do?
Face it: if you're inviting people with youngish families, you're in for a rough ride – unless you plan really well. Wedding coordinator Aleit suggests putting together a list of reputable babysitters to cater for your 'younger' guests (you can even allocate a separate kiddies' room, away from the main event).
'Remember that parents worry about their children – you want your adult guests to be completely relaxed, knowing their little ones are in good hands,' Aleit says.
Other alternatives include organising a 'chirp' function for all those under a certain age, with food and entertainment provided to keep the little critters safe, sound and happy for the duration of the ceremony and reception.
Costly? Maybe. But then you can enjoy the day without fear of interruption, and your guests will appreciate the effort.
Bride Trivia
The bride-in-white trend is thought to have been started by Anne of Brittany, who donned a white wedding dress in 1499 for her marriage to Louis XII. If this is true, wearing white is a mere fashion trend, and not a prescription. However, many wedding rhymes speak to the contrary. It all depends what you believe.
Take this one for instance:
Married in white, you will have chosen all right. Married in grey, you will go far away. Married in black, you will wish yourself back. Married in red, you'll wish yourself dead. Married in blue, you will always be true. Married in pearl, you'll live in a whirl. Married in green, ashamed to be seen. Married in yellow, ashamed of the fellow. Married in brown, you'll live out of town. Married in pink, your spirits will sink.
What advice to you have for brides-to-be? Share your tips and stories below.
