Publications
Partners
Letter 1
In response to: Loving our bodies
Hey Babe - yes you Body
You have never been anything to look at and more Queen Latifah than lollipop, but you are mine and I am happy to still have you. Sorry for never doing enough to keep you out of harm's way.
Since October 2009 you have started WW3 against yourself and you have lost so much - especially the ability to reproduce. After so many years of asking you to put your clock on hold, because there was no money, or I wanted to study or my career only started - no words can explain our loss.
Now I have to attempt to keep you alive by torturing you with chemotherapy. Now I look at you, and the extra kilos do not matter anymore, the fact that you would never have won a beauty contest no longer matter, the fact that you are height challenged no longer matter - we are still alive and I am happy and loved!
Today you are even appreciated more, because you are fighting cancer with me. You keep me going, because we still have a very long road to walk together - hairless or not.
Thanks - without you there would be no me!
Martha
Letter2
In response to: How pretty do you want to be
My dad has told me my whole life how absolutely beautiful I am - truly, all the time. When I wore my hair in a pony-tail he'd say, 'I LOVE your hair like that'.
Down, 'I LOVE your hair like that'. Crazy-Meg-Ryan-City-of-Angels cut . . . 'I LOVE your hair like that'. And the thing is, he always really and truly meant it, and he actually still gets a bit happy-teary when commenting on how I look.
Quite frankly I'm just a nice-looking thirty-year-old who dresses oddly and pulls funny faces a lot.
When I was younger I was a very gawky looking kid with HUGE pink plastic bifocals so it's not like I consider his judgement all that reasonable - but I love him for it and credit most of my excellent self-esteem to him. My life has been so much better for the confidence I've always simply had and I think kids could benefit from knowing that at least one person thinks they're perfect.
I always tell people my mom loves me so much for a million reasons, and my dad loves me so much for no reason at all. It's wonderful to know you're loved for good reason and without reason.
Jennifer
Letter 3
In response to: The Significant Sads
Hi Sam,
I am one of those ridiculous creatures you call a "brave over-sharer". My poor friends have had to listen to "Julie's drama" as regularly as tuning in to the Bold and the Beautiful... and, yet, they love me still, completely and utterly, for just being me.
I think that is the true lesson in life, that when we come to accept who we truly are - and only then - do others begin to genuinely love us. I read about your episode of the "Significant Sads" and my heart went out to you but I also recognise in you the traits of the "brave over-sharer" and someone who just is who she is. For this reason, you will ALWAYS find yourself surrounded by beautiful, magical people who add so much colour to your life.
I'm glad you've "come towards the light" :-)
Bunches of love,
Julie
Letter 4
On bullying and being bullied
I was bullied as a child too. I was at a private school, which my parents only managed to afford because my mom taught there and we got to go at a discounted rate. There was a group of girls who used to belittle me and make fun of me because my eccentric dad loved his clapped out 1965 beetle.
We lived less than a block from the school and on cold winter days, had to help my dad push the skadonk down the driveway to get it started. Imagine the mocking I received when I got to school and all my “friends” had driven past in their parents BMWs and Mercs.
I used to come home crying because their daddy was richer than my daddy etc. My mom and dad sat me down and told me that we are rich in love and that as long as we always make the people around us feel good, our bank of love would grow a bigger balance.
Their mocking has made me a stronger person and I have always made it a point to make the people in my life feel special so that they won’t feel the way I did. It’s also made me a more charitable person and as a result, I am president of our Lions Club and help to serve our community.
So, I’m not bitter about the ridicule or mocking I received, I am a better person because of it. Thanks to my parents, when I eventually have kids, I will teach them kindness and humility.
Thanks for your candid newsletters, as always, made me sit for a few minutes and feel lucky that my life is the way it is!
Tammy
Letter 5
In response to: Things we miss the most
I miss my mom! And the gorgeous body I had before having my son. He is turning 4 in June and I still haven't shed the "baby fat" (I secretly think that the baby fat has grown up into adult fat and is not going to go anywhere!!).
My mom used to be my best friend. When she was diagnosed with cancer in 1996, I was so sad. Mostly because I didn't know anything about the illness. She had a full hysterectomy and beat the cancer, but it returned twice before claiming her life in January of 1999.
I used to share EVERYTHING with her – looking back I think I shocked her with the details a bit!! But I kept no secrets. And she always knew what to do. She always had the best answer and the best solution. And she always kept calm in a stressful situation. Now she is gone.
I knew she would have enjoyed her grandson so much. Sometimes I can feel her presence and then I wish that she could still be around to hear what new words he is using and the cute way he smiles now that his teeth are all gone (we had it extracted). He sometimes looks at me and I can see her in his eyes. But he inherited her big feet and big ears, so she IS always around!!
I miss the care-free days of school. I miss the energy I used to have. I miss performing on stage and learning a new dance or doing some extreme experimental drama exercise thing. But I am now fat and grown-up and stuck in the office with a very heavy cold. Oh and I miss my mom's home-made soup. She would always make soup even if there is only a single cloud in the sky.
Thanks for creating space so that we can (over)share our deepest desires and happiest memories!
Rochelle
Click here for part 2
In response to: Loving our bodies
Hey Babe - yes you Body
You have never been anything to look at and more Queen Latifah than lollipop, but you are mine and I am happy to still have you. Sorry for never doing enough to keep you out of harm's way.
Since October 2009 you have started WW3 against yourself and you have lost so much - especially the ability to reproduce. After so many years of asking you to put your clock on hold, because there was no money, or I wanted to study or my career only started - no words can explain our loss.
Now I have to attempt to keep you alive by torturing you with chemotherapy. Now I look at you, and the extra kilos do not matter anymore, the fact that you would never have won a beauty contest no longer matter, the fact that you are height challenged no longer matter - we are still alive and I am happy and loved!
Today you are even appreciated more, because you are fighting cancer with me. You keep me going, because we still have a very long road to walk together - hairless or not.
Thanks - without you there would be no me!
Martha
Letter2
In response to: How pretty do you want to be
My dad has told me my whole life how absolutely beautiful I am - truly, all the time. When I wore my hair in a pony-tail he'd say, 'I LOVE your hair like that'.
Down, 'I LOVE your hair like that'. Crazy-Meg-Ryan-City-of-Angels cut . . . 'I LOVE your hair like that'. And the thing is, he always really and truly meant it, and he actually still gets a bit happy-teary when commenting on how I look.
Quite frankly I'm just a nice-looking thirty-year-old who dresses oddly and pulls funny faces a lot.
When I was younger I was a very gawky looking kid with HUGE pink plastic bifocals so it's not like I consider his judgement all that reasonable - but I love him for it and credit most of my excellent self-esteem to him. My life has been so much better for the confidence I've always simply had and I think kids could benefit from knowing that at least one person thinks they're perfect.
I always tell people my mom loves me so much for a million reasons, and my dad loves me so much for no reason at all. It's wonderful to know you're loved for good reason and without reason.
Jennifer
Letter 3
In response to: The Significant Sads
Hi Sam,
I am one of those ridiculous creatures you call a "brave over-sharer". My poor friends have had to listen to "Julie's drama" as regularly as tuning in to the Bold and the Beautiful... and, yet, they love me still, completely and utterly, for just being me.
I think that is the true lesson in life, that when we come to accept who we truly are - and only then - do others begin to genuinely love us. I read about your episode of the "Significant Sads" and my heart went out to you but I also recognise in you the traits of the "brave over-sharer" and someone who just is who she is. For this reason, you will ALWAYS find yourself surrounded by beautiful, magical people who add so much colour to your life.
I'm glad you've "come towards the light" :-)
Bunches of love,
Julie
Letter 4
On bullying and being bullied
I was bullied as a child too. I was at a private school, which my parents only managed to afford because my mom taught there and we got to go at a discounted rate. There was a group of girls who used to belittle me and make fun of me because my eccentric dad loved his clapped out 1965 beetle.
We lived less than a block from the school and on cold winter days, had to help my dad push the skadonk down the driveway to get it started. Imagine the mocking I received when I got to school and all my “friends” had driven past in their parents BMWs and Mercs.
I used to come home crying because their daddy was richer than my daddy etc. My mom and dad sat me down and told me that we are rich in love and that as long as we always make the people around us feel good, our bank of love would grow a bigger balance.
Their mocking has made me a stronger person and I have always made it a point to make the people in my life feel special so that they won’t feel the way I did. It’s also made me a more charitable person and as a result, I am president of our Lions Club and help to serve our community.
So, I’m not bitter about the ridicule or mocking I received, I am a better person because of it. Thanks to my parents, when I eventually have kids, I will teach them kindness and humility.
Thanks for your candid newsletters, as always, made me sit for a few minutes and feel lucky that my life is the way it is!
Tammy
Letter 5
In response to: Things we miss the most
I miss my mom! And the gorgeous body I had before having my son. He is turning 4 in June and I still haven't shed the "baby fat" (I secretly think that the baby fat has grown up into adult fat and is not going to go anywhere!!).
My mom used to be my best friend. When she was diagnosed with cancer in 1996, I was so sad. Mostly because I didn't know anything about the illness. She had a full hysterectomy and beat the cancer, but it returned twice before claiming her life in January of 1999.
I used to share EVERYTHING with her – looking back I think I shocked her with the details a bit!! But I kept no secrets. And she always knew what to do. She always had the best answer and the best solution. And she always kept calm in a stressful situation. Now she is gone.
I knew she would have enjoyed her grandson so much. Sometimes I can feel her presence and then I wish that she could still be around to hear what new words he is using and the cute way he smiles now that his teeth are all gone (we had it extracted). He sometimes looks at me and I can see her in his eyes. But he inherited her big feet and big ears, so she IS always around!!
I miss the care-free days of school. I miss the energy I used to have. I miss performing on stage and learning a new dance or doing some extreme experimental drama exercise thing. But I am now fat and grown-up and stuck in the office with a very heavy cold. Oh and I miss my mom's home-made soup. She would always make soup even if there is only a single cloud in the sky.
Thanks for creating space so that we can (over)share our deepest desires and happiest memories!
Rochelle
Click here for part 2
