The Women24 team were ROTFL  (or rolling on the floor laughing - if you don't have an app to explain that to you) when we came across this hilarious article by the witty Anja van der Spuy, of Glitz and Grammar.

Read it and tell us what your app wishes are!

An app that measures your crush’s profile pic to see how tall he is.
This is probably only useful if you’re a giant like me. I’m so tired of having to go through every single Facebook photo my crush has, just to figure out if he’s tall or not. I need an app for that shit.


An app that notifies you when you have lipstick on your teeth.

Hey, so you know those girls whose lipstick is always impeccable? I’m not one of them. Even when I’m not wearing lipstick, I still get lipstick on my teeth. Seriously. I just need an app to save me from my embarrassing life.


An app that notifies you when a high school bully has gotten fat.
Oh wait, we already have Facebook.

An app that mutes the sound a tampon wrapper makes in the bathroom.
Q: Which of these options is the loudest?
A. A bomb
B. A tampon wrapper

Girls, you know what I’m talking about.

A gaydar app
But like, a special Cape Town one. Because it’s basically impossible to determine if Cape Town boys are really gay, or really metrosexual.

An app that shields you from small talk
Small talk is my kryptonite. I swear my soul dies everytime someone tries to talk to me about what day of the week it is, or how strange the weather’s been lately. All I want is a peaceful life without forced small talk.

An app that blocks all diet comments/tweets/status updates/conversations from my life
Look, I’m really happy for you that you’re eating two Tic Tacs a day, and feeling fabulously skinny. But I don’t want to hear about it, especially not while I’m about to eat a salt covered, salt wrapped, salt stuffed salty salted salt snack.

An app that turns pretentiousness into salami
This is totally feasible.

Anja is obsessed with leopard print and pop culture. During the day she works for LEGiT ‘s digital agency, and at night she blogs for glitzandgrammar.co.za. She is proudly Afrikaans and when you ask her what she’s wearing she'll probably say, "a jean" instead of jeans. 

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Now tell us, what are your dream apps?