Publications
Partners
I know three women in their young 20s who are all enjoying successful, relationships. By this, I don't mean some funky half-baked, are-we-dating, are-we-not grey situation. I mean they are fully, completely and utterly married.
From where I'm standing, it just makes life a little bit simpler. And Lord knows we could use some help.
A guy friend asked me once: "Why don't you date?"
I smiled and crisply responded: "There are too many angry women and too many complacent men."
Gender wars are nothing new. It started when I was a teenager, when TLC released No Scrubs a song which linked a guy's ability to speak to me, with the way he looked and the car he drove (well, since I was a teenager, his parents drove the car).
This was quickly followed by the male equivalent produced by Sporty Thievez called Pigeons, where gold-digging girls were attacked. Had my parents not taken me to church, I'd be terribly confused about relationships. I still am sometimes.
My good gay friend, Zakes, recently recommended that I watch Diary of a Tired Black Man, a film which was produced after Diary of a Mad Black Woman. I couldn't help thinking: have gender wars just transformed from a three minute music video, to full-feature film format? It's a rather disconcerting thought...
Diary of a Tired Black Man
Are there really no good men out there or are some African American women just angry and causing unnecessary drama? The original clip of the film presents a good question for the state of the African American dating scene. The answer is so evasive, the clip turned into a full-feature film.
A black man comes to pick up his child and is met with his raging-ex-wife, Tanya, because his new partner, a white woman, is sitting in the car. After speaking to her girlfriends she's ready to fire accusations at him, and he responds: "Who pays for the house? Who pays for the furniture you're sitting on? Who pays maintenance? And you're the angry one! All I wanted was peace when I come home at the end of a long day."
In this thought-provoking film the filmmaker, Tim Alexander, captures the reactions of people in the street once they've seen the clips. Through his unusual technique, he reveals a cycle of pain, violence and hurt, which is based on self-fulfilling prophecies. Common phrases like "All men are bad," "All women are mad," "Girl, you have to train your man..." are recipes for dating disaster.
Still, Alexander goes overboard when he persuades a psychologist to agree that Angry Woman Syndrome could be a syndrome because it's a "repeated pattern of behaviour". Seriously.
Diary of a Mad Black Woman
This film, written by Tyler Perry (a man), is about "a devoted wife and homemaker, Helen McCarter who is physically dragged from her luxurious Atlanta home by her husband, Charles, to make room for his long-time mistress – and the kid he shares with her". She returns to her childhood neighbourhood and rediscovers love with her family and God.
It's a beautiful inspiring story about the triumph of love and the strength of a betrayed woman dealing with her shards of a broken marriage.
Finding a Middle Ground
What makes both Mad Black Woman and Tired Black Men really good films is that they're trying to find solutions to the cycle of anger and hurt that mark the dating world.
There are a lot of hurt people out there. So if you're young, maybe it's best not to enter the dating scene at all. If you're single, enjoy it. Be selfish and take time out for you. And if you're already in a relationship, remember your partner's heart is as fragile as yours.
And if you're in an arranged marriage, be glad. It makes life a little simpler to focus on only one man – your husband.
Do you share Kele's sentiments? Tell us what you think in the comment box below.
