Also read Chapter One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Eight and Nine.

I’d been on my own for months and was lonely. I needed new conversation and new experiences. I was also horny and Internet Dating seemed to be the way to go.  I created a profile, called myself ‘Violet’, and within days my inbox was full.

So many lonely people out there.

I chatted to a guy who seemed ideal.  A Pilot.

A good friend, had warned me, in very strong language, to never go near pilots.

‘DO NOT GO NEAR PILOTS’, he said. ‘They’re all cunts and it will not end well’.

I should’ve listened.

Profile Name:
Airbus Driver

Why should you get to know Airbus Driver?
I live on the edge and would love a partner to be edgy with me. Adventure. Challenges. It’s all the name of the game.

He describes his ideal match thus: Someone daring and risky, with good legs and a great heart.

General Information:
Divorced. Whisky drinker. Bike rider. Airplane flyer.  Love the Rolling Stones.

Looking for:  Excitement.

The Pilot sent me a mail saying he liked my dating profile, thought I sounded interesting, and suggested a drink.

I said okay, we met, drinks turned to dinner, and hey, the night was fun. Easy conversation, stimulating, exciting. He had loads of flying stories for me, I had loads of deranged housewife stories for him.  He was good looking in that rugged pilot kind of way and found me attractive, I liked his smell.

He held my hand and kissed me goodnight. And when I drove home, my panties were wet.

I knew this was the man I was finally, thank you God, going to have sex with.

And so I went to stock up.  On contraception.

How to Buy Condoms


Discreetly.

Even when the salesman at Clicks showed me where they were, I couldn’t see them.  And when I did, I giggled out loud.

So many different brands.  All shapes. Sizes.  Colours. Textures.

Ribbed.  Flavoured.  Edible. Very different to 30 years ago.

When I asked the salesman to help me make a choice, he giggled.

‘That would be up to you, Maám’ he said with a smile.

‘But what’s better? Ribbed or plain? Chocolate or Vanilla?’ Small, medium or large?

I was persistent.

He blushed, and left me to make the choice on my own.

I eventually left with a very heavy packet and R 2000 worth of condoms. Nobody could call me irresponsible.

As arranged, I drove to the Astor Hotel, for our liaison.  I was nervous.  He’d told me he manscaped. 

I waited.

And waited. 

And waited.

And waited.

And wondered how long I should wait for.

He never turned up. And I have never felt more humiliated in all my life.

When I got home, after sobbing all the way in the car, I chatted to that friend who had told me to stay away from Pilots. I never had the courage to tell him that I had been stood up.

I just told him I’d chickened out. And he repeated: They’re a bunch of cunts.  Stay away from them.

To be continued…

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