I have never understood the relationship that men have with their mothers. 

From the moment their little princes exit the womb, these mothers are completely obsessed and the umbilical cord stays metaphorically intact for the rest of their lives. This weird obsession tends to go both ways because the first meaningful relationship a man has with a woman is shared with his mother. (Terrifying and vomit inducing.)

My failure to comprehend this phenomenon only got worse when I started dating. As a matter of fact, I think it might have only gotten worse.

I dated a guy once who was still very much attached to his mother. He was constantly running around doing things for her and I stumbled upon cuddle sessions in the kitchen more than I care to mention. The whole thing felt like a Freudian nightmare to me.

My mother reassured me that this is not an isolated case. Most women do not get along with their mother-in-laws precisely because they cannot cotton on to the fact that their little baby is all grown up and has a new woman who is supposed to be his main priority.

They also have a hard time recognising boundaries and will bulldoze their way into your lives whether you roll out the ‘Welcome’ mat or not. After all, why would you want to keep a grown-ass man and his precious mommy apart?

Apparently the worst thing you can do is tell a man that you feel this way. He will immediately think you are a jealous psychopath who hates his mother plus feel like you are forcing him to pick between you or the woman who gave birth to him. And yes, he will always pick his mother.

The thing I really don’t get is that men are not judged for being this way. Why is it totally acceptable and normal even for men, who are supposed to be so very independent, to still be clinging to their mother’s hands or allowing them to not let go of theirs?

In my mind, we are supposed to distance ourselves from our parents as we grow older. Sure, you might be dependent on them for financial support for the first few months after varsity, but other than that you should be able to stand on your own two feet and make your own decisions.

So guys, please. Don’t tell us that we are needy and clingy when you get phone calls from mamma at all hours of the day and night. Trade in your binky for your balls already.