Publications
Partners
He sat next to the fire, strumming his guitar and charming the group with stories of his time in Cape Town. As the evening wore on, everyone made their exits until we were left alone. Then he tilted his head and smiled. He looked at me like he would do naughty things to me.
I was in shit.
Having come straight out of an Anglican girl's only school, I was intimidated by Craig's manoeuvres. There was something undeniably dangerous about him. I couldn't get enough. I felt hot in areas of my body that should have had temperature control.
Eventually, I took the bull by the horns and sought a copy of Tracey Cox's Superflirt. After a few misplaced attempts, I pouted my way into sexiness. Then one day, I got it right. I walked into the sitting room and gazed in Craig's direction. I sauntered toward him and let my eyes do the talking, "Can you handle it?"
Oh, yes, he could.
That was then, This is now
What I would give for just one more goosebump. Lately it seems guys only seem fascinating after at least two cocktails. Maybe I've just been the victim of one too many dreadful passes – anything from playful insults to serious butt pawing – but I can't be alone in this.
Was Craig part if a rare breed who could actually intrigue a woman? What happened to manly charm? What happened to feeling goosebumps and stuttering self-consciously at a greeting? How much worse can it really get?
The first time I knew things were bad was when I met a short, unattractive guy in a club. Sipho's first line? "You know, when it comes to the books you're so smart. But when it comes to life..." I let his statement fall into silence.
In second year, I had a brief fling with a gorgeous associate. Hmmm, Mpumi was like caramel. Just looking at him made my stomach flutter. If I bumped into him in a dark alley, he should have been very afraid.
Then one night, we were hanging out and well... one thing almost led to another. Just when I gained some self-control, he turned to me and said, "Ah come on, at least suck my dick." Excuuuse me? This was followed by a quick, "You won't tell my girlfriend will you?" I didn't need a third exit cue.
Just when everything had tempered down and I thought they were the exception that proved the rule, my girlfriend Thato had her moment.
She met Thuso at a local hangout spot when he made a memorable first impression. She said hi. He decided to cut right through the niceties: "Hey, Thato right? How about we sit on the couch and get some kissing on?" (I swear it's a true story).
It's classic moments like this that make for a great girl's night in. This weekend, we chuckled delightedly over our varsity years and swapped rendezvous' horror stories. Underlying the night was the admission that we have lost the art of seduction.
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche wrote, "Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man". It may be true. But that won't stop me from searching – especially if I can have a few (mis)adventures in the process.
P.S. My ultimate failed seduction? Last month, my close guy friend sent an sms asking to be "intimate friends" with me. I should have known nothing good would come out of that. Then again, it was only three weeks later that he had the audacity to say, "Kopella koekoe" (Pussy please).
Have you been the victim of a lame pass? Do you think there's hope for seduction anymore? Share your stories in the box below.
