Publications
Partners
I was 22 when I fell in love with a married man. We had known each other for years and there were never any romantic feelings between us before then.
This undercover love was so exciting for me, and I just could not wait to see him. He never lied to me about being married and I knew what I was doing all along. We had great times together....well, until I found out I was pregnant, which by the way was too late for me to have an abortion.
When I told him, his reaction made me laugh, because at that moment there was nothing that could be funnier. He told me straight out, it's not his problem, he has a family and he wants nothing more to do with me. I told him no problem; I'll handle it on my own and raise my child by myself because it will be a cold day in hell before I kill my baby.
I had completely forgotten the whole debacle when his wife showed up at my doorstep, and you can just imagine what my parents’ reaction was. My father was livid, my mother just cried and here this woman was going on about what a whore I was, how I ruined her marriage and how I will pay for what I did.
And I did.
I had never been so humiliated before in my life. Everywhere I went people would stare and point fingers at me, it became so bad I stayed in the house throughout my pregnancy. I went to work and to church (where it was even worse), so eventually I just stayed at home.
When baby came…
After I gave birth, he demanded a paternity test and I suffered more humiliation. I felt like a whore and a tramp. It was sending a message that I was loose and that I slept around.
We did the test and it came back 99.9999% positive. At that stage, I was so over being mad and disappointed and hurt, I just wanted to carry on with my life and pretend this whole situation ever happened.
And today?
His wife forbids him to have any contact with the child - he does not assist financially or even with medical aid costs. I have been doing it all, on my own, for an entire year.
The point I'm trying to make is the following:
• A married man will never leave his wife for you.
• A child born in this kind of relationship will never fully be accepted by his family.
• Just because he made you pregnant, does not mean he will care about you or his child.
• Your parents will NEVER get over this kind of betrayal; they'll never live it down.
• You will struggle to have a normal relationship with another man, because your past will always stand in the way. And be seen as ‘baggage’.
• It doesn't matter if you did it knowingly or if you were a victim, you will always be the one in the wrong.
This undercover love was so exciting for me, and I just could not wait to see him. He never lied to me about being married and I knew what I was doing all along. We had great times together....well, until I found out I was pregnant, which by the way was too late for me to have an abortion.
When I told him, his reaction made me laugh, because at that moment there was nothing that could be funnier. He told me straight out, it's not his problem, he has a family and he wants nothing more to do with me. I told him no problem; I'll handle it on my own and raise my child by myself because it will be a cold day in hell before I kill my baby.
I had completely forgotten the whole debacle when his wife showed up at my doorstep, and you can just imagine what my parents’ reaction was. My father was livid, my mother just cried and here this woman was going on about what a whore I was, how I ruined her marriage and how I will pay for what I did.
And I did.
I had never been so humiliated before in my life. Everywhere I went people would stare and point fingers at me, it became so bad I stayed in the house throughout my pregnancy. I went to work and to church (where it was even worse), so eventually I just stayed at home.
When baby came…
After I gave birth, he demanded a paternity test and I suffered more humiliation. I felt like a whore and a tramp. It was sending a message that I was loose and that I slept around.
We did the test and it came back 99.9999% positive. At that stage, I was so over being mad and disappointed and hurt, I just wanted to carry on with my life and pretend this whole situation ever happened.
And today?
His wife forbids him to have any contact with the child - he does not assist financially or even with medical aid costs. I have been doing it all, on my own, for an entire year.
The point I'm trying to make is the following:
• A married man will never leave his wife for you.
• A child born in this kind of relationship will never fully be accepted by his family.
• Just because he made you pregnant, does not mean he will care about you or his child.
• Your parents will NEVER get over this kind of betrayal; they'll never live it down.
• You will struggle to have a normal relationship with another man, because your past will always stand in the way. And be seen as ‘baggage’.
• It doesn't matter if you did it knowingly or if you were a victim, you will always be the one in the wrong.
