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After publishing this Expert Q&A, where a young, black reader asked for advice on ways to attract a white man, we took to Facebook and posed a similar question to our fans.
Honestly? The reaction surprised us. It seems race – particularly interracial pairings – is still an issue in our society.
Below, a snippet of the general views and opinions. Read them and let us know your feelings on the matter in the box below.
Those for it:
Pankie: “No but I’d definitely like to some day.”
Janine: “I am currently in a relationship with a coloured guy and he is the amazing!Wedding Bells to be ringing soon :-D”
Saleena: “I’m happily married to a coloured guy & wouldn't trade for the world.”
Karen: “I have done and yes, would do – it seems odd to see this question considering where we are!? Race should not be a relationship issue.”
Cecile: “Yes I have, and the question we all must ask ourselves is were you serious enough, so serious that u wouldn't mind taking him / her home to meet your parents. Sometimes it’s just better having fun and keeping it quiet but when things like meeting your family comes up that's when you can really see if you liked that person regardless what your parents would say about his colour.”
Those against it:
Mmamorena: “No, I wouldn't… There are so many different rituals and cultural beliefs that I feel would just complicate and confuse my beliefs. So I would rather stick to a partner who shares the same beliefs as me.”
Those with a story to tell:
Karin: “What's the difference? You date someone for his general appeal, his intelligence and in the hope of finding a beautiful soul. What difference would the skin colour make?”
Quanita: “I think it's a good question & although it doesn't seem like a big issue, believe me somewhere down the line your cultures will clash and someone has to give in. (And more often than not it’s the woman.) It's hard to compromise on important issues such as religion or how to raise your kids for example. Then there's the issue of family, will they accept you? Will your family accept him? Now I know you’re thinking, I'm not marrying the family but believe me they not going to magically disappear should your relationship get serious. They are part of the deal whether you like it or not! So it's definitely something to think about.”
Monde: “I also found my hubby (white) on a dating site but we are in our 40s so online worked for us. Happy with 2 kids later. I think that if you are attracted to white guys, know what is it that you like about them. Underneath the colour of their skin we are all human. Find someone who share the same interests. Pursue those interests & you will start to hang around with ppl who are the same as you. Know what cultural/political issues/ hang-ups you are both prepared to let go. Have some existential common ground. To us it was our Catholic faith. People have this thing that I like white/black - ask yourself why. On the outside it looks cool in SA, but you've got to live with that person outside of the curiosity that your relationship might evoke to people. And also for us, when it comes to family, if you don't like this union then we have nothing to do with you, simple as that.”
Chantelle: “I kind of have an issue with the concept of 'liking white guys' or yellow or purple guys for that matter. I think diversity is beautiful, I have dated other races (I THINK - because I'm not a single race myself so if I have to select something not in my ethnic make-up to qualify as 'outside my race' then Houston, we have a problem), but it's really beside the point. If it's just ANYONE from a specific racial group you're after then you shouldn't have a problem finding them. As for the culture clash - you're more likely to experience that dating someone of your own race from another country than dating a different race from within your larger community. Some sectors of society WILL judge you, but they'll probably eventually fall of the edge of their own flat earth anyway since evolution has overtaken them and they've outlived their time.”
Patricia: “I don't see any problem with it, my mom is white and dad is black, they have been married for 31 years and are still going strong! I being bi-racial) have married my husband who is black and there is nothing different to any other race relationship - especially because we share the same religion! As long as you have things in common that bind you and there is communication you will stick together - as in my parents example.”
Read more of our readers’ opinions on our Facebook page.
Honestly? The reaction surprised us. It seems race – particularly interracial pairings – is still an issue in our society.
Below, a snippet of the general views and opinions. Read them and let us know your feelings on the matter in the box below.
Those for it:
Pankie: “No but I’d definitely like to some day.”
Janine: “I am currently in a relationship with a coloured guy and he is the amazing!Wedding Bells to be ringing soon :-D”
Saleena: “I’m happily married to a coloured guy & wouldn't trade for the world.”
Karen: “I have done and yes, would do – it seems odd to see this question considering where we are!? Race should not be a relationship issue.”
Cecile: “Yes I have, and the question we all must ask ourselves is were you serious enough, so serious that u wouldn't mind taking him / her home to meet your parents. Sometimes it’s just better having fun and keeping it quiet but when things like meeting your family comes up that's when you can really see if you liked that person regardless what your parents would say about his colour.”
Those against it:
Mmamorena: “No, I wouldn't… There are so many different rituals and cultural beliefs that I feel would just complicate and confuse my beliefs. So I would rather stick to a partner who shares the same beliefs as me.”
Those with a story to tell:
Karin: “What's the difference? You date someone for his general appeal, his intelligence and in the hope of finding a beautiful soul. What difference would the skin colour make?”
Quanita: “I think it's a good question & although it doesn't seem like a big issue, believe me somewhere down the line your cultures will clash and someone has to give in. (And more often than not it’s the woman.) It's hard to compromise on important issues such as religion or how to raise your kids for example. Then there's the issue of family, will they accept you? Will your family accept him? Now I know you’re thinking, I'm not marrying the family but believe me they not going to magically disappear should your relationship get serious. They are part of the deal whether you like it or not! So it's definitely something to think about.”
Monde: “I also found my hubby (white) on a dating site but we are in our 40s so online worked for us. Happy with 2 kids later. I think that if you are attracted to white guys, know what is it that you like about them. Underneath the colour of their skin we are all human. Find someone who share the same interests. Pursue those interests & you will start to hang around with ppl who are the same as you. Know what cultural/political issues/ hang-ups you are both prepared to let go. Have some existential common ground. To us it was our Catholic faith. People have this thing that I like white/black - ask yourself why. On the outside it looks cool in SA, but you've got to live with that person outside of the curiosity that your relationship might evoke to people. And also for us, when it comes to family, if you don't like this union then we have nothing to do with you, simple as that.”
Chantelle: “I kind of have an issue with the concept of 'liking white guys' or yellow or purple guys for that matter. I think diversity is beautiful, I have dated other races (I THINK - because I'm not a single race myself so if I have to select something not in my ethnic make-up to qualify as 'outside my race' then Houston, we have a problem), but it's really beside the point. If it's just ANYONE from a specific racial group you're after then you shouldn't have a problem finding them. As for the culture clash - you're more likely to experience that dating someone of your own race from another country than dating a different race from within your larger community. Some sectors of society WILL judge you, but they'll probably eventually fall of the edge of their own flat earth anyway since evolution has overtaken them and they've outlived their time.”
Patricia: “I don't see any problem with it, my mom is white and dad is black, they have been married for 31 years and are still going strong! I being bi-racial) have married my husband who is black and there is nothing different to any other race relationship - especially because we share the same religion! As long as you have things in common that bind you and there is communication you will stick together - as in my parents example.”
Read more of our readers’ opinions on our Facebook page.
