I used to be a full-time student at Stellenbosch University – and a virgin. I met this really sweet and loving guy through a friend at church – he was just amazing. We planned my 21st birthday together, as I was away from home and staying on campus. I thought he was the one so I decided to let him take my virginity about four months after my 21st. Things were great, I was just so happy and so love that I didn’t even notice all the trips he took to the bathroom to answer calls. I became pregnant the year after we first slept together but he had to leave the country – he was a foreigner and had to get his passport renewed along with other problems he had with his documents – so I dropped out school and returned home.
He returned three months after our baby boy’s birth, and our relationship was stronger than ever – well, according to me. He promised to start dowry negotiations as soon as he found a job. I waited and waited and by that time a year had passed by. In the meantime I stopped going out, changed cellphone numbers to avoid my old friends and rapidly started losing weight. Things were not looking good for our relationship either – I was the only one trying. The money he gave me became less and less each day but his Instagram account was filled with pics of a beautiful car, gold watches and all the latest fashionable clothes. The more I spoke to him, the more his social media pages would be filled with “likes” and “loves” from other ladies. I didn't even have roll-on and our son barely had shoes or nappies. I decided to stop communicating with him and move on after begging and pleading for his love and attention.
I was job hunting and looking for opportunities after the break-up and became depressed. My family was angry at me and started pushing me away for allowing this to happen. My son also felt the effects of all this stress and his health started suffering. He got teased for looking like a “full-blown Aids patient”, and this killed me as a mother and HIV counsellor. I knew my son was very healthy and had no illness or virus – neither did I. A few weeks later I ended up in a man's bed – crying my eyes out but convinced myself I needed the money and I was doing it for my son. My baby daddy was out of the picture and I was the laughing stock of the century. This man was kind enough to notice something was wrong – he was always by my side to help me out and didn't expect anything in return so this gave me the courage to pick myself up and start afresh for my son’s sake and my sanity.
Not long after I uploaded a photo of myself on social media and to my surprise all my friends started hitting up my phone and visiting me again. I completed an e-diploma in graphic design and looked forward to brushing up my CV and finding a full-time job. I decided to continue my studies on a part-time basis and spend more time with my friends and family. Then a spanner was thrown into the works! I received a call from a private number . . . and the first thing I heard was: “If you still want to get married, then I have your ring – we can do it right now." Yup, my baby daddy was back! I froze for a few seconds then burst out laughing. I kindly declined his offer. A day later a woman called me and opened a new can of worms. She was crying hysterically and begging me not to reconcile with my baby daddy because she loves him and has been living with him for over a year. She left her fiancé for my ex. She knew about me from the start but they got together anyway. They started their own family but he left her soon after. I asked her to pray and be strong. I changed my phone number because my ex was trying to manipulate me by promising to give me all the things I wanted from him all those years ago. It was too late as I only felt pity for him. I know I’ll have to speak to him sooner or later about an agreement regarding our son but for now I'm enjoying being a mom and feeling good about myself again. I laugh, pray, flirt and go on dates but my career is more important right now.
I survived. I’m not perfect and I won’t get everything right all the time because I'm human. Even though a bad romance hurt my soul, God healed my pain – and my son keeps my heart in one piece.
