When I was growing up one simply didn’t talk about one’s lady bits. Or if one did it was in hushed tones and it was usually in connection with illness or cramps.

So the first time I read a magazine article on the topic of vaginal size I nearly fainted. Sure, I’d been preoccupied with the size of my boobs (too small) and my ass (too big), but the size and musculature of my genitals had never warranted a moment’s thought up to that day.
Thanks a LOT Cosmo.

For a few weeks I was petrified. What if there was something wrong with my koekie? What if I was the Girl With The Giant Vagina? (For clarification’s sake I have to add that at this point in time I had not yet found my vaginal opening – but that’s another column altogether. Suffice to say I was a precocious reader.)

My mother finally put my fears to rest with some fanny facts and a slightly smug: “besides, the women in our family simply BOUNCE back after child-birth.”

Since then our culture has totally let the pussy out of the bag. One can hardly go to a kitchen tea these days without someone whipping out the ben-wa balls and if dinner party conversation is true everyone and their aunt is waxing, piercing, exercising, tattooing, bleaching or cosmetically enhancing their pink bits.

On the one hand I think this obsession with the perfect pussy is unhealthy. Variety is the spice etc. etc. and women are already so damn weird when it comes to their bodies. But on the other hand, I can’t help feeling that exercising your vagina is prudent. Kegel exercises do wonders for sexual health, bladder control, childbirth and orgasms. See this article for more info. And honestly, who wants a wellie top vag?

I haven’t bought weights for my clam yet – I’m just not that worried – but I am the girl doing Kegels in the bank queue.

Do you ever worry about the tightness of your cookie? Why does it  matter that much?

Follow Lili on Twitter here. She talks about her vagina a lot.