Woke up to an out-of-the-blue sms this morning from The Scientist telling me that he would enjoy a day of casual sex and would I like to come over. I told him it was out of the question as I had already spent the night dreaming about men I actually wanted to shag.

Ah, wet dreams, always there to provide that little something special during a dry spell in Singledom.

Much like the G-spot and female ejaculation, some people don't believe that the female wet dream actually exists. Not the erotic dream, mind. But the actual physical orgasm-inducing wet dream. But believe you me, it does. If you doubt it, google it.

Like a male wet dream the female dreamgasm is almost more intense than any waking orgasm could hope to be and it all works with power of suggestion by the best sex organ of all – the brain.

How I love my brain. It pleases me greatly and affords me satisfying sex with people that I am most unlikely ever to sleep with. Just thinking about it makes me want to crawl back under the covers for a little shut eye. Just me and my brain. Come here you...you...little grey mass of sex you...


My dreamtime dalliances generally include tall, broad-shouldered men that exude a sense of quiet magnitude about them. It's all very Jung, male archetype stuff, but I don't care, it gives me the sort of multiple orgasms from multiple partners in one very stimulating sitting (lying?) that most people would consider unseemly.

Last night my line-up of lovers included my current (albeit long-term) crush, He Who Shall Not Be Named (HWSNBN for, uh, short), and Tall Tony. Yes, the dude that inspired uncomfortable pew-sitting in my sexually formative teens. Naturally my dreams about him now include him being all grown up (I've seen him in passing once or thrice) and even boast a touch of reality in the shape of wife and kids. A bother in real life, but not in one's dreams.

And that's pretty much what makes sex dreams so fab. It's not like you have any control over what you dream. There can be no interference from a sense of conscience if your dream starts drifting off into the perverse or immoral (sorry hon, my subconscience made me do it). I mean, if my dreams of Tall Tony still kept him as young as he was when I first fell in love with him, who could point a finger and screech 'cradle snatcher'?

But that's not where the many advantages of wet dreams end. Apart from conscience-free fantasies and over-the-rainbow orgasms, you don't even have to lift a finger to get yourself off.

Of course, it's not all sunshine and roses. There are those dreams we'd prefer not to examine in the harsh light of morning. Sex dreams involving ugly German landlords and mountain goats are not scenerios I'd like to see unfold in real life and I'd be willing to bet that sex with HWSNBN is better in my cranium than out. Not that I'd take issue with finding out, mind.

Then there's the fact that you can't exactly rustle up a wet dream when you want it most. Which is probably better in the long term I guess. It has the potential to become a rather unhealthy addiction, much like reality TV and two-minute noodles. At least for me it would. I'd probably be ordering up dreamgasms most every night, to the eventual detriment of personal interaction. As it stands my brain has already constructed an entire dreamtime relationship with HWSNBN. It's been a such a beautiful relationship with great sex that I'm quite positive I'll have to speak to him in real life one day.

Oh well.

It's late already and I'm suddenly very sleepy after writing this. Not that I'm hoping anything will happen you know. I don't want to just use my brain for sex. Our relationship runs a lot deeper than that. But should anything happen, I'll be sure to get me some real-life sex soon, just to take the edge off...

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When last have you had a sex dream? Open up and share your naughty fantasies in the box below.