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For the love of sex

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At times it's incredibly seductive to make sensual love with the lights dimmed and flickering candles casting mysterious images on the walls. But there are other times when you just want each other so much that making love becomes wildly animalistic.

It's perfectly normal for one couple to have both kinds of sex at any given time in their relationship.

It's about love-making
So what's the difference between sex and making love? Like a good rule of thumb, this one's simple: if it's about connecting with each other, then it's about lovemaking. Look at the words "making love" – they're about creating something, building something, increasing intimacy. Lovemaking takes your relationship to a higher realm.

A close friend of mine received a terrible shock when her husband came home and told her he'd been retrenched. His failure hung heavily on him. Instead of her reassuring him with endless platitudes, they made gentle love – with him on top, while she caressed his body. Sometimes bodies talk more clearly to each other than the crispest sentences. Months later, when he'd found other work, he told her how meaningful their lovemaking had been that day – it was as though his manhood had been reaffirmed at the deepest level.

Because we are physical beings, on many occasions we find that there's a time for good old-fashioned love-making, and a place for "if it ain't kinky, it ain't sex". But if you have a secure, intimate relationship, and you've truly made love before, it's easy to know the difference, and thoroughly enjoy both kinds of sex.

Do you enjoy both gentle love-making and wild sex in your relationship? Share your experiences below.

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