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Sex in the City Bowl

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Hi, I'm Candy. No, that is not my real name; would you write a risqué column using your real name? We all know men have a pathological fear of a bad bedroom reviews so it is of the utmost importance (to make sure for purposes of research) to keep my ID under wraps. Never mind the look on my mother's face, considering we have not once spoken about the birds and the bees and I truly believe I was a product of Immaculate Conception.

So welcome to column. On your journey to true love and mind-blowing sex (okay good sex will do) we know there is a crooked and well travelled road in-between. The crooked road signs posted by bad lays; bad days; broken hearts; walks of shame; hangovers; sleepovers; legovers; it's overs.

I am not your agony aunty with a doctorate in psychosomatic sexual dysfunctions and could not possibly comment on the source of your intimacy issues. Instead I am a twenty-something with a love of shoes I cannot afford and nine times out of ten I end up wearing the only set of good underwear on a first date. (Hey if you find a pair that makes your ass look good you know you are onto a good thing!)

I am prone to being a leading expert on all matters after a couple glasses of red, I have lied about how many sexual partners I have had (how do you honestly reply to a question that starts "can you count the number of people you slept with on one hand?) And I have once or twice mistaken an orgasm for true love.

I will try most things at least once (this does not extend to pvc, heroin or bungee jumping); I give what I have been told is an excellent blow job and I always aim to orgasm with or without a man in tow. I do not wear six-inch heels, sleep with models or sports heroes (not from a lack of trying) but do aim to celebrate ALL social occasions with a bottle of bubbles.

Sounding familiar? Have you done the wrong thing, the right thing, the girl thing/the boy thing? Do you often spend time with your girlfriends pondering the question does size matter, what is the market value of a blow job and is true love in fact possible after a run of extraordinarily average men?

I know you have. Post your comments below and let's start chatting.

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