Look, I will state it categorically and without hesitation: I love my vagina. In one of those lists they ask you to write about what your top, most favourite body parts are, I would have to write:

1.             Vagina

2.             Eyes

3.             Hair

4.             And so on…

Though, frankly, after ‘eyes’ anything not directly related to the senses wouldn’t mean much to me. (‘Lips and tongue’ for tasting, sucking and licking as opposed to ‘my smile’ etc etc.)

My vagina and I have had some good times together. I reckon our grand relationship really comes down to the fact that because I look after her and pay her attention she gives me all manner of fantastic orgasms. And this pleases me.

Except, I’ve recently come to realise that she’s been withholding on one major punani pleasure. The piece d’resistance of orgasms. The Holy Grail of orgasms.

No. Not the g-spot, a-spot or u-spot. Those are all so last season.

I’m talking about female ejaculation. Once considered a mythological tale akin to that of the Yeti and the US moon landing, shejaculation is The Next Big Thing of women’s sex topics. In the mainstream at least. Elsewhere, with the white coats, shejaculation has been studied for quite a good few years.

Here's how they think it works (kinda, maybe... the female anatomy is still a bit of a mystery).

Every woman has a functional prostate gland, about the size of their thumb, that surrounds their urethra. Within her prostate gland there can be an area of increased sensitivity, which, when she's aroused becomes swollen and which is commonly referred to as the g-spot. (This spot will probably feel like a swollen 'rough' patch on the inside of your vaginal canal. Every woman's body is different so there can never be specifics about where exactly along the urethra this sits or how swollen exactly this area becomes.)

When the prostrate gland – or g-spot – is stimulated, the muscle tissue that surrounds it contracts and you experience a 'vaginal orgasm'. So far so good. Now the theory goes that this contraction expels the prostrate glands' contents, hence 'shejaculation'.

The catch is, shejaculate can measure a tablespoon to two cups of liquid – way more than can be contained in a tiny prostrate gland. Analysis of the fluid has revealed that while it  contains traces of components found in urine, it's primary chemical markers are those unique to the prostate.

Smell, colour and taste vary from person to person but, generally, in small quantities it may be a mucous-like fluid of a clear, milky, or yellowish colouration with a distinct scent that is musky or pungent. As the volume increases so the fluid becomes clearer and scent-free.

But where's it coming from? No one knows for certain. The likely answer is the Skene's glands (of u-spot fame) which are located on the upper wall of the vagina, around the lower end of the urethra. It 'drains' near the urethral opening and this 'draining' can shoot like a fountain or dribble like a dribbly thing.

All of this my vagina has managed to keep from me. All the orgasms, but none of the gush. All squeal, no squirt.

So I decided to give it a concerted effort, my best shot so to speak.

In a way, I guess it might've been better – or easier at least – with a partner who knew what they were doing or a proper g-spot stimulating toy. As it is, I had myself, a whole lot of time,  and my fingers. (I tried my vibe, but it's a straight up and down and difficult to angle.)

What I found is this. If you're going to see – single or with your partner – if you can shejaculate, use the whole of your vaginal canal. So, as you're putting pressure on your g-spot in whichever way takes your fancy and as you become more aroused and as you cum, clench and push down and out with your vaginal muscles (as opposed to what we usually do, which is contract up). Voila.
But did this make me spritz like a fritzel? Burst like a damn? Whoosh like a waterfall?

No. But my god it felt freaking awesome.

And I felt something else. Not two cups, hell, not even two tablespoons, of something. But something nevertheless. So I'm going to be looking into this shejaculation a little more. Vir Volk en Vaderland. Taking my relationship with my vagina to the next level.

I'll probably get bored by the intimidation of feeling like I should and ought to gush. I might find that my vagina's just not constructed to tsunami. Which I'm totally ok with. Saves me on washing powder, anyhow.

What are your thoughts on shejaculation?

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