I love Revelations. As in epiphantic moments with a capital 'R' not that apocalyptic end chapter for sinners such as myself.

No, I like Revelations that add value to the way I experience life.

Like, when I first realised that 'gay sex' wasn't synonymous with anal sex.

In my straight-girl, hetero-normative kinda world, this was all news to me at the time.

Gito and I had been discussing one of his most recent soirées and I finally asked what I'd been dying to ask since my first SGF*.

Me: So. Are you, like, top or bottom?
Him: What? In sex? As in anal?
Me: Uh-huh.
Him: Neither. I don't do anal.
Me: *blink* So how do you have sex?
Him: Um...

My Granny always said there are never stupid questions, only stupid people too afraid to ask the right questions.

I was afraid I'd just been the wrong person asking a stupid question.

Fortunately my friends are used to this. Gito and B then preceded to enlighten me that gay men don't all 'do anal', much like all straight men don't like penetrating their women partners anally.

Such a revelation. I thought all straight gay men liked anal.

But, see, the revelation wasn't just that 'gay' sex didn't necessarily mean anal sex. It opened the book on the fact that 'sex' wasn't synonymous with 'penetration'.

Their definition of the act of sex included most of what I'd grown up believing was heavy petting or foreplay ... oral sex, mutual masturbation, wanking, fingering ... in my view just those general howdee-doodies before getting down to the REAL business of sex, which in my view was vaginal penetration for 'straights' and anal penetration for 'gay men' (I think in those days I just thought lesbians fingered and cuddled a lot...).

Gosh how we learn.

By my gay friends' standards, my little list of who I've slept with far exceeded my narrow view of those I'd been penetrated by. By the new, improved definition of sex it included a whole lotta other people I thought I was merely intimate with.

Ah, these little distinctions we make to ease our sensitive moralities about age and sex, cheating and sex, sexual orientation and sex...

The reason I bring this up now is really due to two things that happened recently. A guy I met was discussing the finer points of someone he 'hadn't slept' with by clarifying it thusly: 'Well it was only anal, so it wasn't really SEX, sex.' Reminded me of teenagers that do that to maintain their 'virginity'.

And then the same guy saying shit like, 'Well you know gays always like taking it up the arse.'

So FYI: All gays don't like it up the arse and, in fact, (horror of confusing horror) some straight guys do (like taking it up the arse.
Femdom. Googleit.). In fact, if I had a prostrate I might find anal a whole lot more appealing.

And as I am often the wrong person asking the stupid questions and, in many people's opinions, no doubt going to make my intimate acquaintance with the main players in the actual book of Revelations anyway, I thought I'd just put that out there on the table.

*SGF - Sassy gay friend: and for the record I actually hate this phrase

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