How to find and work your erogenous zones - a guide for her and him

A joke did the rounds a while ago that illustrated men and women’s erogenous zones in the form of a remote control: his had only one button – his penis – while hers was just a mess of buttons everywhere. 

Geddit? Men are so simple and women are sooooo complicated. Hilarious.

This sort of stereotyping does everyone an injustice when it comes to good loving. So, here’s a short primer as to how erogenous zones work for bodies – no matter what sex they are.

1. Skin

Your skin is covered in nerve-receptors and where they’re closer to the surface – like with your lips, fingertips, genitals, inner thighs, perineum and nipples – the greater pleasure it can deliver. 

However, whether a touch is pleasurable depends on how your brain is wired for it. For example, it’s thought that some women can orgasm from nipple stimulation because the sensory pathways in their brain for the nipples and the genitals converge. 

It also depends on your experiences and how your mind interprets erotic touch. If you’ve had a painful or shaming experience involving your nipples, for example, you might not interpret touch around this area as pleasurable.

That’s why you must talk about what works for you and, if you want to go deeper, ask why it does or doesn’t work.

2. Genitals 

The ultimate erotic zone, right? The penis and clitoris are both hotbeds of nerve-endings, with the clitoral structure enjoying about 8 000 and the penis about 4 000. 

More than that, they’re organs that experience vasocongestion: on arousal they enjoy increased blood flow which heightens their sensitivity.

With so much going on ‘down there’ the options for sensation are vast, so play around with – and don’t be shy about – different kinds of touch and pressure. 

Read more: You didn't learn the full story about your genitals at school

3. The overlooked

Which unsuspecting body parts make you wriggle with shy delight when they’re touched? For me it’s my armpits. And if you kiss the back of my neck and knees, I’m yours. 

The parts of your body that are unused to erotic touch are usually very sensitive to it. 

4. Your mind

They say your brain is your biggest sex organ, and as far as conjuring up fantasies and making sexy visual and emotional connections, it can’t be beat. 

Let it work its erotic magic by sharing your fantasies, role playing and enjoying your own internal movie. 

5. Who’s doing the touching 

Sometimes your principle erogenous zone is the relationship you have with the person you’re sexing: they could be making all the right moves, but if you’re just not into them or the situation, nothing is going to magically switch you on.