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A few weeks back, a reader wrote to Jade about his wife not being willing to have sex with him for two weeks because she was stressed. Jade responded. The reader has also responded:
Hayi hayi hayi, Jade, you say that marriage does not mean that she must have sex with me when I demand it. And then I ask ukuthi why on earth should we bother ngomshado ke [with marriage]? Doesn’t marriage mean that I am entitled to her body and she to mine, since we’ve become one? And I think it’s a tall order to say “it is not her responsibility to keep you sexually fulfilled”. Then whose responsibility is it? Don’t get me wrong, Jade, I am all for women’s freedom and independence, and their equality, but what you are saying about a woman’s role emshadweni [in marriage] makes one think: Why should I pay thousands for a wife who’s not responsible for my needs, while for just R50 I can buy myself some sex?
Jade's answer:
Hello again. Even in marriage her body still belongs to her. She does not owe you sex because of the mere fact that she is married to you. And this goes both ways. She is entitled to refuse sex. I suggest you respect that. Lobola is not a bride purchase price, but about building relations between the families. In African culture, marriage is believed to be about more than the union of the people getting married, but also about a joining of families. It is very disappointing that you feel your having paid lobola entitles you to your wife’s body.
Reader question:
Dear Jade, what is the difference between making love and having sex?
Jade's answer:
Physically and biologically they are similar. Making love is between people who respect and care for each other, where consideration and emotion are important. Sex is about gratification. It doesn’t have to be without respect, and it can be casual and still be sexy.
Reader question:
Hi Jade. Can one use Viagra to increase the size of the penis?
Jade's answer:
Viagra is prescribed for impotence and erectile dysfunction. It works by increasing blood flow to the penis to sustain an erection when aroused, not to make your penis larger. There are penis girth extenders or enhancers available at adult stores, which can be pleasurable for both you and your partner.
Reader question:
Hi from North West, Jade! I was wondering why my girlfriend likes being on top. She said it’s because I’m big. I then tried two sex workers, who also confirmed that I was big. I thought I was normal. It worries me a lot.
Jade's answer:
I shouldn’t think you should worry too much about the size of your penis. Your girlfriend being on top means she will be able to control the depth at which she is penetrated and the pace at which you go. This will be more comfortable for her as you are bigger than average.
Reader question:
A while ago I saw a blister on my vagina and there was itching and then it disappeared. After two months, it came back again. I consulted and got antibiotics, but I am still suffering.
Jade's answer:
It sounds like it could be genital herpes. This can be treated with acyclovir tablets and ointment. There is no cure for herpes. Treatment will reduce symptoms and shorten outbreaks.
TALK TO US
Do you have a question for Jade? SMS the keyword SEX and your question to 35697. You can also email City Press at trending@citypress.co.za. SMSes cost R1.50. Please include your name and province
