Why faking orgasms is bad for your sex life

Have you ever felt under pressure to fake an orgasm? Ever delivered an Oscar-winning performance, complete with biting the bottom lip? Do you wonder if your partner has done the same? It’s very common.

Almost everyone is guilty of having faked an orgasm, even men. The use of condoms means men can fake an ejaculation. Although sex can be enjoyable without a climax, a large proportion of us still believe that sex is not worthwhile unless one reaches an orgasm.

The most common reason both men and women give for faking an orgasm is to please their partner’s ego. Everyone wants to believe they’re a great lover. We depend on feedback from our partners, and one way of indicating satisfaction is reaching a happy ending. So as not to make our partners feel inadequate, too many people will fake it.

This, I feel, leaves the faker as the “loser”. If faking an orgasm can ever be justified, this should be your last reason for doing it. You deprive your partner of an education in how to get you off and, in so doing, strip away your opportunity for real mind-blowing orgasms as a result.

Other reasons include being too tired to carry on with sex and wanting it over with. After some time, some women may “dry up”, and the sex starts to hurt and they fake climax to get their partner to stop – only because their partner’s ego may be too fragile for the truth or the addition of lubricant. Some men say that when they’ve had their share of alcohol, they may take longer than usual to climax and tire, so fake orgasm.

And then there are the potential complications related to short-term sexual relations. It’s not unheard of for women to fake it when they have their first sexual encounter with someone new or a one-night stand.

It’s not every woman who will reach orgasm with every sexual experience. Aside from poor physical stimulation, some still impose subconscious psychological restrictions on their pleasure. These can take time to get over, if ever. Longer relationships have proven to be helpful for a few, in some cases, as the individual gets to know her body and her partner’s, and is then able to let her guard down.

Giveaways that tell you if your partner is faking it are the lack of a build up to the climax, the absence of semen, louder than usual and unexplainable moaning, and an erection. Unlike women, men need a brief recovery time after ejaculation.

I wouldn’t concern myself too much with whether or not a partner is faking their orgasms; it is not because you are lacking in any way, shape or form. It’s the individual’s responsibility to communicate their needs and desires with you, and to co-create the orgasms with you.

In the end, they only rob themselves of the pleasure. Both men and women need to play their part in communicating. This will lead to informed, empowered and gratifying sexual activity.

Orgasms are fantastic when they do happen, but they don’t have to be the be-all and end-all of sex. The sex itself should be fun and pleasurable. The ultimate aim of all involved should be to feel good both emotionally and physically, as well as to make the other person feel good.