Publications
Partners
I will be my own best lover
Have an idea about how the perfect partner will treat you sexually? Great. Now treat yourself that way. Whether you want slow or edgy love-making, give yourself this yumminess when you masturbate.
With some imagination, props and privacy you can create any experience you want. And it’s not just about sex. Does the perfect lover bad-mouth your body? Nope. Then don’t do this to yourself.
I will take my time
The best gift you can give yourself with sex is time. Pleasure and orgasm don’t need to be rushed. In fact, trying push yourself to an expected ‘Big O’ will only reward you with the opposite: frustration or the big meh.
Try slow sex when it comes to how you touch yourself and practice penetration.
Read more: The one secret to a great sex life
I will empower myself with knowledge
A woman’s sexual anatomy is a vast and complex structure, from the clitoris and the vagina, to the muscles, nerves and neural pathways that make it all buzz.
There’s a wealth of accessible info online that explains this pleasure palace – and how to access all its wonders. And if you know how something works you know how to work it, right?
And share what I know
Once you know what’s going on, educate your lovers and your squad. Share the love. Knowledge is power(ful orgasms and pleasure.)
I will leave all shituations
Detach from people who disrespect you, abuse you, use you, or treat you like an accessory, substitute or crutch. Respect yourself – your time, your body, your health, your love – first. Get help if you don’t know how to do this by yourself.
I will learn to use my words
No one is telepathic. Your lover doesn’t magically know what feels good for you or what your emotional needs are. Learn to articulate your feelings clearly; say what you mean and mean what you say.
It’s uncomfortable at first and takes practice, but it will stand you good stead in every aspect of your life.
Read more: 10 sex myths that must go
I will practice responsible sex
You are not a delicate, powerless flower. Use condoms, listen to your gut, make educated choices about hormonal contraception, get tested and take action with emergency contraception (the morning after pill) if life or tequila took you to bad choices the night before.
I will stop trying so hard
You are enough. If you’re working too hard to keep a relationship together, that relationship isn’t for you.
If you’re trying too hard to make a good sex life happen with someone, chances are they’re not the one you should be sexing. Great sex and healthy relationships require effort, not a war.
And lastly…
I will try one new thing
Be bold, be brave, say yes to one thing that tickles your curiosity but you’ve been too shy to try.
Here’s to a sexy, self-lovin’ year!
Follow Dorothy Black on her blog and on Twitter.
Read more:
What are this year's sex trends?
How avoiding orgasm can up your sexual pleasure
