It often happens that a partner is a shining example as a husband but doesn't even come close as a friend. Oh, he will let you talk and talk, but does he listen? Or does he contribute to the conversation? Friendship in a marriage is possible, but it's not an automatic extension of love – in fact, there's nothing automatic about it at all.
What's so hard about being friends?
The problem with treating your partner as a friend is that you are more than friends. There are issues that complicate matters, such as: sex and money, sharing sexual intimacies and pooling economic resources. They are powerful bonds between spouses, but they're also fraught with stress.
It's easy for a friend to urge you to buy something – it's not their money – but the rules are different for couples.
Daily proximity
The intimacy of marriage can actually encourage teasing, tactlessness or insults. You might repeat an embarrassing story about your partner without really thinking, but you would consider it disloyal to do that to a friend.
Deep identification
Friends aren't identified with each other's quirks, but spouses are. And the more our individual boundaries blur, the more we're likely to insist that our partner follow our rules. We make friends because of who people are, but we often marry someone for who we think he should become.
All these issues can be obstacles to friendship – but they needn't be. You may not be friends automatically, but marriage provides opportunities to develop and deepen the bond.
Random acts of friendship
Make one or more of these friendly gestures and see how your partner appreciates, and how it affects your marriage.
You can renew your marriage by just deciding to be a friend. And when you treat each other like friends – with support, loyalty, affection and acceptance – you're also likely to revive the spark of other neglected areas of your relationship.
Got any marriage tips to add? Put them in the comment box below.