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Let's talk about sex

About a month or so ago I got my first BCCSA complaint about The Dotspot on 5FM.

BCCSA complaints are hardly a rarity in media. Venting of the moral spleen is a happy past-time in South Africa. Especially with regards to the hot topics of religion, sex, politics and race (in no particular order).

In fact, judging by some of the comments left on women24's columns, you'd think sex is the evil that is corrupting the very heart of our global society and it alone -- along with Islamic terrorists, Jewish land-grabbers or the Christian fight-wing (whatever suits your compass) -- will be the downfall of man.

So you can imagine what a thrill it must be to do so to a Tribunal. Nogal.

Although I can appreciate the moral high ground (there's always a lovely view) I was amused that this first particular complaint was inspired by the answer I gave to a guy who was trying very sincerely to help his long-term girlfriend experience a vaginal orgasm – commonly called the g-spot orgasm.

To me it was fun advice about giving pleasure. To the Outraged Listener the topic was apparently ‘highly highly inappropriate’ and ‘extremely embarrassing’ to listen to. I was to ‘draw the line’ as ‘kids are listening at this time’ (at 10:15 am, shouldn’t said children be in school?) .

In a way, I can understand the discomfort. I remember cringing into my car seat as a kid when Salt-N-Pepa’s ‘Let’s talk about sex’ single was played on air as my dad took me to school. Ironically, feeling uncomfortable about the song was due, largely I'd imagine, to the fact that we HADN'T spoken about sex. Ever.

Although we couldn't talk about this one very good, healthy part of life, we could talk about angry politics or  religion or how kak life is in general. And for some reason it’s always been ok to digest pictures and words about bloodshed and war and rape on a daily basis on every media platform.

Then there's TV sex, which seems to be ok cos of the good lighting and awesome choreography. No one ever has to stop mid-simulated fuck to ask for directions or if their lover will call tomorrow. That would be too much like real-life. It would reveal too much fragility.

Maybe that's why we don't like talking about sex, or hearing about it. In a world of facade we don't like revealing the vulnerability of our pleasure – or displeasure.

In the main, our non-verbal discussion is happily steered by MTV and adverts. If my BCCSA complainants are to be believed, sex on radio is more digestible when sung.

For example, it's far easier to accept in lyrical form modern courting rituals that describe how to smack one's bitch up after she's brought you to the farm with her lady lumps and how you're going to give it to her slowly now that she's decided to cheat on her crummy boyfriend and meet you in the hotel room where you're going to be a rude boy who's hard and big enough to ride her all night long.

Yeah, that's more poetic I guess. Pity it lacks that whole respect/personal boundaries/sensuality/safety thing. Best not bring that sort of stuff up at all then. Or is it?

Which is what brings me to the Sexpo. Slagged off for all manner of reasons, not least of which is lack of real eye-opening wowness for the more urbanely minded, the expo still does the job of making sex fun and topical for the regular Jane.

Curiosities and fetishes that aren't welcomed in the 'real' world can be happily explored and blushed at in a mutually approving environment. No one can judge you while holding a luminescent pink buttplug in their hands.

Don't get me wrong. There's nothing really sexy about Sexpo. But it is fun. And earnest. And there are amazing people who are there to answers questions, give advice and offer support (and you can stock up on free condoms for the year). I think of it as a big annual punt for South Africa's sexual liberation of mind. It really is time for us to grow up. No amount of BCCSA complaining will stop that.

Do you think frank and educational advice and information on sex should be part of our daily lives? Or do you think it should be discussed behind closed doors?

Go to Dorothy's blog.

Follow Dorothy on Twitter.


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