Publications
Partners
It would've been a delightful evening out had it not been for the fact that we were actually supposed to be fully engaged in an evening of speed dating.
You see, I was one of 12 women sitting at a table waiting to be 'interviewed' by the four men that had actually bothered pitching up.
Talk about a dud evening.
Not that I was there to actually find my life partner. I was totally there for journalistic purposes of course. But I couldn't help thinking that if this was a turn-off on the road to happily ever after, I'd be sitting without gas and a flat on a road eerily akin to the N1 through the Karoo – a long, dry spell of tumbleweed personalities and limp-dick mirages.
Admittedly, our line-up of gentlemen for the evening was pretty thin – two very young boys, a German and a man so deep in the closet he was practically in Narnia.
But I guess that's pretty representative of South Africa’s available men.
Nevertheless, the women gathered were generally optimistic. The boys were 'sweet', the German was 'intense' and the gay man 'sensitive'.
It became clear that even these women of world had only one destination in mind: Couple Town or bust (homosexuality a minor bump to be ignored in lieu of good looks).
It got me wondering what all the rush is and why we employ almost any desperately-seeking-something tactical manoeuvre to evade singledom with a kind of 'lock n load' approach of war time military evasion – speed dating, online dating, meet and greets, singles parties, gumtree classifieds, astro dating, blind dating and dating agencies – god damn any thing to just get the hell out of dodge.
But what is about this final destination (marriage? kids? divorce?) that makes it so much better than being single?
What's wrong with having a deep and meaningful ménage à trois with me, myself and I?
Maybe this near pathological abhorrence of singledom is better explained in a little scenario I was privy to at a friend's recent wedding – an outdoor summer festivity of bliss that I had bravely decided to attend minus my plus one.
The ceremony had started and all was humming along just perfectly until the non-denominational pastor lady person came to this part in her speech.
'Be thankful that you have found each other, that you are now a Couple,’ she beamed beatifically at the happy twosome. And then added: ‘Pity the single person because they are alone in the world, without support or comfort…’
I lost track after that statement ... something about 'I do' and 'you may kiss the bride'. I had never experienced singledom vilified to such a degree of pathetic.
Until, that is, I went to speed dating.
Although the German bored me to hysterical fits of laughter, he was at least honest about why he was at the speed-dating event and provided a little insight into the mentality of the average 'bloke' women often like to dolly up as The One they pick up on the way to Couple Town.
'Well,' he said earnestly, 'my friends are having children now. They'll get divorced in the next five or so years, but I can't wait until then for them to have free time to go out on a jol, you know.'
Now that's a keeper. And he'll probably get hitched before I do.
Anyway.
We've been rescheduled to attend another speed dating event as a refund (that's just my fave, it's like getting a voucher to the same restaurant that served you a tapeworm in your eisbein) and I'll go with my mates again, for a laugh and some more kir.
But mark my words, I'm going along for the ride.
While everyone is whining 'are we there yet?' and making speedy headway to Couple Town, ignoring those annoying little bumps of sexual confusion and zero personality, I'll be cruising along in serene singledom, enjoying the scenery.
Follow me on my blog here or on Twitter here
Is Dorothy missing anything? What is being in a relationship like, and do you secretly miss singledom? Share your thoughts in the box below.
