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Some of the lines that get tossed at me though make me really wonder, a) what the hell is the guy thinking, b) is he even thinking at all, and c) who the hell falls for this rubbish? You know the ones, right?
Here are a few examples:
The Special Unicorn
I’m not what you’d call a typical girl. That is to say, I have a personality and am not the caricature we’ve blindly accepted is the norm even though it probably really isn’t.
For this reason, I occasionally get what I think of as the Special Unicorn pick-up line thrown at me.
“I like you. You’re not stupid and bitchy like most girls".
I’ve never really understood what my response is supposed to be. Flattered? This guy has just insulted my entire sex. I’m going to throw them under the bus because this sexist asshole has given me his approval?
“You play games? That’s so unusual! Most girls just care about looking pretty!”
Latest studies have shown women make up half of gamers and even spend as much time and money on their games as their male counterparts, but hey, you’re from the stone-age with the knowledge and attitude to match. Oh please, let me have sex with you.
The Sick Gazelle
Sometimes, instead of insulting all women generally, Mr. Romance will just have a go at my best friend, who happens to have the looks, personality and presence of a super-model.
"Your friend is very beautiful but girls like that are usually bitches. I prefer real women like you".
A line that says “You and I both know your friend is more beautiful than you, so you must be really insecure and secretly hate her”.
Actually, mate, she’s my best friend, and I adore her. She’s amazing. She’s also so far out of your league, you know you haven’t got a hope in hell, so you’re going for the less pretty friend, assuming I’m going to be so grateful for the attention I’m going to just fall into your bed. So basically you’re a horrible, awful human being.
The only girl you’re going to score with is someone who hates herself so much, she’ll actually inflict you on her as a form of self-punishment. What a fulfilling life you must lead.
The Valuable Possession
“Where’s your husband? Where’s your boyfriend?”
If you respond “I don’t have one” you get the “whaaat? I can’t believe that!” You see, they’re complimenting you, because only people who have something terribly wrong with them are single.
They’re saying you are single, but don’t worry, they don’t think you should be. (Actually they’re saying you’re single therefore you’re lonely and desperate and they’d like to get in on that action.)
If you respond “I have one but he’s not here” you get the whole “Well if I was your man I wouldn’t let you out of my sight”. YES, because women are incapable of, I don’t know, making their own goddamn decisions.
We need our men to stay by our sides at all times to make sure we don’t accidentally fall onto other men’s penises. Gosh, I wish you were my man!
The Job Interview
“I hate it when a pretty woman smokes. Here is a beautiful girl who I would love to date, but then she lights up a cigarette. It’s such a pity".
The above was actually said to me by a guy I was trying my hardest to get away from ( back when I still smoked). He wasn’t hideous, but he was not an attractive man either.
More to the point, he was boring to the extreme, not to mention overly handsy. I tried very, very hard not to laugh in his face, but I have to wonder at what point he thought I gave a rat’s arse what his standards for dating him were.
“If a girl wants a man to marry her…”
This is straight up left-over from the dark ages, back when women had to get married or become prostitutes. Guys, we earn our own salaries now. We can take care of ourselves. We don’t need you; we just want you, just like you want us.
And, if you’re an entitled prick who treats your attention like some sort of prize, we usually don’t want you.
If you won’t want to marry us because we have a tattoo or have had sex with a girl, we’re losing absolutely nothing except, perhaps, a loveless and miserable marriage to a man-child.
“Women should keep their hair long. I like women who look girly!”
Yes, your personal preference is for long hair, so all women everywhere must make sure they match your requirements. I hope you look exactly like Tim Minchin, because those are my requirements.
At the end of the day, it’s just exhausting. It also seems mildly unnecessary. Women like sex too.
Why do you think these pick-up lines even work on anyone ever? I understand that people can’t really go up to each other and say “Hey, want to shag?” But still, there must be a better way.
(BTW, I met my boyfriend at a bar. His ‘pick-up line’ was “Oh, I love Tim Minchin!” Mine was “I’m a secular humanist.”)
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Here are a few examples:
The Special Unicorn
I’m not what you’d call a typical girl. That is to say, I have a personality and am not the caricature we’ve blindly accepted is the norm even though it probably really isn’t.
For this reason, I occasionally get what I think of as the Special Unicorn pick-up line thrown at me.
“I like you. You’re not stupid and bitchy like most girls".
I’ve never really understood what my response is supposed to be. Flattered? This guy has just insulted my entire sex. I’m going to throw them under the bus because this sexist asshole has given me his approval?
“You play games? That’s so unusual! Most girls just care about looking pretty!”
Latest studies have shown women make up half of gamers and even spend as much time and money on their games as their male counterparts, but hey, you’re from the stone-age with the knowledge and attitude to match. Oh please, let me have sex with you.
The Sick Gazelle
Sometimes, instead of insulting all women generally, Mr. Romance will just have a go at my best friend, who happens to have the looks, personality and presence of a super-model.
"Your friend is very beautiful but girls like that are usually bitches. I prefer real women like you".
A line that says “You and I both know your friend is more beautiful than you, so you must be really insecure and secretly hate her”.
Actually, mate, she’s my best friend, and I adore her. She’s amazing. She’s also so far out of your league, you know you haven’t got a hope in hell, so you’re going for the less pretty friend, assuming I’m going to be so grateful for the attention I’m going to just fall into your bed. So basically you’re a horrible, awful human being.
The only girl you’re going to score with is someone who hates herself so much, she’ll actually inflict you on her as a form of self-punishment. What a fulfilling life you must lead.
The Valuable Possession
“Where’s your husband? Where’s your boyfriend?”
If you respond “I don’t have one” you get the “whaaat? I can’t believe that!” You see, they’re complimenting you, because only people who have something terribly wrong with them are single.
They’re saying you are single, but don’t worry, they don’t think you should be. (Actually they’re saying you’re single therefore you’re lonely and desperate and they’d like to get in on that action.)
If you respond “I have one but he’s not here” you get the whole “Well if I was your man I wouldn’t let you out of my sight”. YES, because women are incapable of, I don’t know, making their own goddamn decisions.
We need our men to stay by our sides at all times to make sure we don’t accidentally fall onto other men’s penises. Gosh, I wish you were my man!
The Job Interview
“I hate it when a pretty woman smokes. Here is a beautiful girl who I would love to date, but then she lights up a cigarette. It’s such a pity".
The above was actually said to me by a guy I was trying my hardest to get away from ( back when I still smoked). He wasn’t hideous, but he was not an attractive man either.
More to the point, he was boring to the extreme, not to mention overly handsy. I tried very, very hard not to laugh in his face, but I have to wonder at what point he thought I gave a rat’s arse what his standards for dating him were.
“If a girl wants a man to marry her…”
This is straight up left-over from the dark ages, back when women had to get married or become prostitutes. Guys, we earn our own salaries now. We can take care of ourselves. We don’t need you; we just want you, just like you want us.
And, if you’re an entitled prick who treats your attention like some sort of prize, we usually don’t want you.
If you won’t want to marry us because we have a tattoo or have had sex with a girl, we’re losing absolutely nothing except, perhaps, a loveless and miserable marriage to a man-child.
“Women should keep their hair long. I like women who look girly!”
Yes, your personal preference is for long hair, so all women everywhere must make sure they match your requirements. I hope you look exactly like Tim Minchin, because those are my requirements.
At the end of the day, it’s just exhausting. It also seems mildly unnecessary. Women like sex too.
Why do you think these pick-up lines even work on anyone ever? I understand that people can’t really go up to each other and say “Hey, want to shag?” But still, there must be a better way.
(BTW, I met my boyfriend at a bar. His ‘pick-up line’ was “Oh, I love Tim Minchin!” Mine was “I’m a secular humanist.”)
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
