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Partners
Apparently, it is impossible to be a single, black woman, and to actually be happy. I’ve never read of an account where we ask the same of men, because presumably the answer would be a resounding yes. So why do we expect that a perfectly healthy, financially independent sister cannot possibly be single by choice, when we would never ask the same of men?
It is true that proportionally speaking, there is a dearth of single men to swim in the same LSM pool with. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that there is no such thing as a single black man in South Africa – either they are married or unmarried, but they are rarely single in that Oxford Dictionary definition way. Therefore our men are spoilt for choice, and quite frankly they don’t see the need to choose when they can have all of us lining up, hoping to be The One.
Everywhere around the world more women are opting to remain single, and for much longer.
We have more options, and we’re no longer financially or socially compelled to be in partnerships. Sex outside of the institution of marriage is not only accepted but encouraged, and sperm banks and adoption agencies give us more choices to be parents.
I therefore find it sad that some women would rather bear the brunt of being with a beast of a man, rather than be single. They do everything “by the book”: cook for him, wash his dirty underwear and generally let him be in charge, only to be devastated when he decides to move on. Who said love is permanent, anyway?
The beauty of living here and now is that you can choose what kind of companion you want to be, and you can also choose to fly solo.
Just because someone is single does not mean they are unhappy, in the same way that being married does not automatically make you happy. That’s to say that happiness can never be determined by your relationship status.
So, while the pickings are slim, the offers do exist and there’s always a brother wanting to try his luck. As a feminist, I’m also open-minded enough to make the first move. It’s just the quality of the pickings I have issues with. Ask any single woman, the vast majority of men who hit on us in fact are married or attached. Someone I rejected once smugly warned me: “You don’t know what’s out there. You’re wasting your time looking for someone single.” Maybe, but it’s my time to waste.
Given all of this, there’s a freedom to being single that I’m loathe to give up. There are definitely times when I don’t feel like being alone, but that’s when you call a friend with benefits. One day I very well may be in a relationship and be deliriously happy in the process. I just want to be single without anyone assuming that there’s something wrong or missing in my life.
Kgomotso Matsunyane is the host of “Late Night with Kgomotso” on SABC2. She is a partner at TOM Pictures, an award winning T.V. & Film Production Company. You can follow her on Twitter here.
Do you agree with Kgomotso? Pop your thoughts below.
It is true that proportionally speaking, there is a dearth of single men to swim in the same LSM pool with. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that there is no such thing as a single black man in South Africa – either they are married or unmarried, but they are rarely single in that Oxford Dictionary definition way. Therefore our men are spoilt for choice, and quite frankly they don’t see the need to choose when they can have all of us lining up, hoping to be The One.
Everywhere around the world more women are opting to remain single, and for much longer.
We have more options, and we’re no longer financially or socially compelled to be in partnerships. Sex outside of the institution of marriage is not only accepted but encouraged, and sperm banks and adoption agencies give us more choices to be parents.
I therefore find it sad that some women would rather bear the brunt of being with a beast of a man, rather than be single. They do everything “by the book”: cook for him, wash his dirty underwear and generally let him be in charge, only to be devastated when he decides to move on. Who said love is permanent, anyway?
The beauty of living here and now is that you can choose what kind of companion you want to be, and you can also choose to fly solo.
Just because someone is single does not mean they are unhappy, in the same way that being married does not automatically make you happy. That’s to say that happiness can never be determined by your relationship status.
So, while the pickings are slim, the offers do exist and there’s always a brother wanting to try his luck. As a feminist, I’m also open-minded enough to make the first move. It’s just the quality of the pickings I have issues with. Ask any single woman, the vast majority of men who hit on us in fact are married or attached. Someone I rejected once smugly warned me: “You don’t know what’s out there. You’re wasting your time looking for someone single.” Maybe, but it’s my time to waste.
Given all of this, there’s a freedom to being single that I’m loathe to give up. There are definitely times when I don’t feel like being alone, but that’s when you call a friend with benefits. One day I very well may be in a relationship and be deliriously happy in the process. I just want to be single without anyone assuming that there’s something wrong or missing in my life.
Kgomotso Matsunyane is the host of “Late Night with Kgomotso” on SABC2. She is a partner at TOM Pictures, an award winning T.V. & Film Production Company. You can follow her on Twitter here.
Do you agree with Kgomotso? Pop your thoughts below.
