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On Friday the 23rd of May, Elliot Rodger went on a killing spree in Santa Barbara, shortly after making this video and writing his 137 page manifesto. I spent three days reading and summarizing his “life story” so you don’t have to.
This summary is divided into five parts.
Read Part 2 here.
Part 2: 14 - 17 years old
The short summary:
Elliot continues to strongly desire the fantasy of himself to become a reality, and is more and more resentful and angry as this does not happen.
To him, any evidence of a person having anything he desires and doesn’t have is an insult and an injustice. He becomes obsessed with possessing and having sex with a girl, specifically a “hot blonde”, and is furious when he discovers others are having sex while he is not.
He continues to demonise anyone who has more than him. He tries to retreat further from his problems into ‘World of Warcraft’. Still not popular and admired, Elliot considers life to be viciously unfair and cruel.
At this point, Elliot views girls as sexual objects as well as status symbols.
The long summary:
Elliot hits puberty and develops a strong sexual desire for girls. This causes his desire to possess a girl to no longer be rooted only in viewing a girl as a status symbol, she is now a sexual object too, and creates a much stronger desire, and a stronger resentment for not being able to possess one.
“I started to masturbate on a regular basis. At first I only did it by rubbing my penis on my bed, but it eventually escalate to looking at pictures of girls online while rubbing my penis against my pants, fantasizing about doing sexual things with them. I didn’t know how to access any porn sites, so I would just browse regular websites until I found a picture of a hot girl to masturbate to.
"I developed a very high sex drive, and it would always remain like this. This was the start of hell for me. Going through puberty utterly doomed my existence. It condemned me to live a life of suffering and unfulfilled desires. Even at that young age, I felt depressed because I wanted sex, yet felt unworthy of it. I didn’t think I was ever going to experience sex in reality, and I was right. I never did. I was finally interested in girls, but there was no way I could ever get them. And so my starvation began.”
Elliot continues his habit of demonising any person who he is envious of. The moment a person is more popular or more successful than he is, he tries desperately to locate flaws. He will attack their age, their race, their attitude, and their physical appearance, and he will state over and over again that they do not deserve the things they have, and that he deserves them more than they do.
He becomes obsessed with possessing a girl and getting sex, and he again shows most anger and resentment when he feels shamed or embarrassed in front of others.
He starts to hate and resent girls for not giving themselves to him.
“One boy who was tall and had blonde hair called me a ‘loser’ right in front of his girlfriends. Yes, he had girls with him. Pretty girls. And they didn’t seem to mind that he was such an evil bastard. In fact, I bet they liked him for it. This is how girls are, and I was starting to realize it. This was what truly opened my eyes to how brutal the world is. The most meanest and depraved of men come out on top, and women flock to these men. Their evil acts are rewarded by women; while the good, decent men are laughed at. It is sick, twisted, and wrong in every way. I hated these girls even more than the bullies because of this. The sheer cruelty of the world around me was so intense that I will never recover from the mental scars. Any experience I ever had before never traumatized me as much as this.”
Elliot sees himself as a superior person, despite his cruelty, lack of empathy, selfishness, snobbery, racism and entitlement. Elliot also desires and fears girls, and therefore hates them.
“My fear of girls made me keep my distance from Pollina. She was a total bitch anyway, and her attitude would only get worse. She is a true representative of everything I hate about women.”
Elliot cannot stand anyone being happier, more successful or more adored than he is, and when he is faced with evidence of this, he does not know how to handle it.
When, at 14, he realizes other boys his age have obtained sex, he is furious, and he cannot understand how they have earned girls when he has not. The only comfort he has is that he hopes they are lying.
“The boys in my grade talked about sex a lot. Some of them even told me that they had sex with their girlfriends. This was the most devastating and traumatizing thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Boys having sex at my age of fourteen? I couldn’t fathom it. How is it that they were able to have such intimate and pleasurable experiences with girls while I could only fantasize about it?”
“Jeffrey changed a lot. He was now fourteen, and he told me he had a girlfriend. I was shocked, amazed, and envious. I wondered how an immature brat like Jeffrey could have a girlfriend at such a young age. I had the dreaded suspicion that he had already had sex with her, and I tried not to think about it.”
During this period, Elliot lists examples of incidents that he considers horrifically traumatizing, unfair, and a great injustice on him. He shows a habit of running away from the sight of people who have the things he wants and doesn’t have.
“The very last day of Ninth Grade was the worst. I was having P.E. at the gym, and one of my obnoxious classmates named Jesse was bragging about having sex with his girlfriend. I defiantly told him that I didn’t believe him, so he played a voice recording of what sounded like him and his girlfriend having sex. I could hear a girl saying his name over and over again while she panted franticly. He grinned at me smugly. I felt so inferior to him, and I hated him. It was at that moment that I was called to the office. When I got there, my mother was waiting for me to take me home. I cried heavily as I told her about what happened earlier. That was the last day I ever set foot in Crespi Carmelite High School.”
“In the spring, something horrible happened that will haunt me forever. We met up with the Bubenheims at the Sagebrush Cantina in Calabasas, and a friend of Polllina’s was there with them, named Nicole, a girl around my age. She sat next to Leo the whole time, and by the end of the dinner, the two of them were making out. Twelve-year-old Leo was making out with a girl who was almost my age.”
Elliot focuses a lot of his energy and anger on World of Warcraft’, which he still plays with friends, but continues to find this life unsatisfying. The time he dedicates to WoW causes more conflict with his step-mother, who continues to try restrict him, and negatively impacts his schooling.
When he is forced to attend summer school to make up for his grades, he slips into self-pity, declaring that summer the “worst summer of my life”.
Elliot continues to express snobbery, entitlement, self-obsession, boastfulness, and a tendency to mostly dislike other people. He is embarrassed by taking the bus.
“I disliked all of the degenerate, low-class students there. They repulsed me.”
“I hated telling people that my mother lived in Canoga Park. It was highly embarrassing for me.”
“Father suffered through a deep financial setback because of his movie. Could things get any worse for me?”
“I went with my mother to the red carpet premiere of Indianna Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” … “The next day, I told some of my teachers that I went to this premiere, and they were very shocked. I bet I was the first kid at that school who was done such prestigious things.”
He continues to fantasize, even creating an imaginary “hot, blonde-haired girlfriend to have passionate sex with”. This description becomes all he ever expects from and desires in a woman.
Still convinced that his fantasy life is something just, something he deserves and is entitled to, he becomes more and more resentful and angry that his reality does not match this fantasy.
“It was at this time that I was just beginning to realize, with a lot of clarity, how truly unfair my life is.”
“Where’s the justice?” I thought. “Why couldn’t I have been born into that life?”
Continue to Part 4 here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
This summary is divided into five parts.
Read Part 2 here.
Part 2: 14 - 17 years old
The short summary:
Elliot continues to strongly desire the fantasy of himself to become a reality, and is more and more resentful and angry as this does not happen.
To him, any evidence of a person having anything he desires and doesn’t have is an insult and an injustice. He becomes obsessed with possessing and having sex with a girl, specifically a “hot blonde”, and is furious when he discovers others are having sex while he is not.
He continues to demonise anyone who has more than him. He tries to retreat further from his problems into ‘World of Warcraft’. Still not popular and admired, Elliot considers life to be viciously unfair and cruel.
At this point, Elliot views girls as sexual objects as well as status symbols.
The long summary:
Elliot hits puberty and develops a strong sexual desire for girls. This causes his desire to possess a girl to no longer be rooted only in viewing a girl as a status symbol, she is now a sexual object too, and creates a much stronger desire, and a stronger resentment for not being able to possess one.
“I started to masturbate on a regular basis. At first I only did it by rubbing my penis on my bed, but it eventually escalate to looking at pictures of girls online while rubbing my penis against my pants, fantasizing about doing sexual things with them. I didn’t know how to access any porn sites, so I would just browse regular websites until I found a picture of a hot girl to masturbate to.
"I developed a very high sex drive, and it would always remain like this. This was the start of hell for me. Going through puberty utterly doomed my existence. It condemned me to live a life of suffering and unfulfilled desires. Even at that young age, I felt depressed because I wanted sex, yet felt unworthy of it. I didn’t think I was ever going to experience sex in reality, and I was right. I never did. I was finally interested in girls, but there was no way I could ever get them. And so my starvation began.”
Elliot continues his habit of demonising any person who he is envious of. The moment a person is more popular or more successful than he is, he tries desperately to locate flaws. He will attack their age, their race, their attitude, and their physical appearance, and he will state over and over again that they do not deserve the things they have, and that he deserves them more than they do.
He becomes obsessed with possessing a girl and getting sex, and he again shows most anger and resentment when he feels shamed or embarrassed in front of others.
He starts to hate and resent girls for not giving themselves to him.
“One boy who was tall and had blonde hair called me a ‘loser’ right in front of his girlfriends. Yes, he had girls with him. Pretty girls. And they didn’t seem to mind that he was such an evil bastard. In fact, I bet they liked him for it. This is how girls are, and I was starting to realize it. This was what truly opened my eyes to how brutal the world is. The most meanest and depraved of men come out on top, and women flock to these men. Their evil acts are rewarded by women; while the good, decent men are laughed at. It is sick, twisted, and wrong in every way. I hated these girls even more than the bullies because of this. The sheer cruelty of the world around me was so intense that I will never recover from the mental scars. Any experience I ever had before never traumatized me as much as this.”
Elliot sees himself as a superior person, despite his cruelty, lack of empathy, selfishness, snobbery, racism and entitlement. Elliot also desires and fears girls, and therefore hates them.
“My fear of girls made me keep my distance from Pollina. She was a total bitch anyway, and her attitude would only get worse. She is a true representative of everything I hate about women.”
Elliot cannot stand anyone being happier, more successful or more adored than he is, and when he is faced with evidence of this, he does not know how to handle it.
When, at 14, he realizes other boys his age have obtained sex, he is furious, and he cannot understand how they have earned girls when he has not. The only comfort he has is that he hopes they are lying.
“The boys in my grade talked about sex a lot. Some of them even told me that they had sex with their girlfriends. This was the most devastating and traumatizing thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Boys having sex at my age of fourteen? I couldn’t fathom it. How is it that they were able to have such intimate and pleasurable experiences with girls while I could only fantasize about it?”
“Jeffrey changed a lot. He was now fourteen, and he told me he had a girlfriend. I was shocked, amazed, and envious. I wondered how an immature brat like Jeffrey could have a girlfriend at such a young age. I had the dreaded suspicion that he had already had sex with her, and I tried not to think about it.”
During this period, Elliot lists examples of incidents that he considers horrifically traumatizing, unfair, and a great injustice on him. He shows a habit of running away from the sight of people who have the things he wants and doesn’t have.
“The very last day of Ninth Grade was the worst. I was having P.E. at the gym, and one of my obnoxious classmates named Jesse was bragging about having sex with his girlfriend. I defiantly told him that I didn’t believe him, so he played a voice recording of what sounded like him and his girlfriend having sex. I could hear a girl saying his name over and over again while she panted franticly. He grinned at me smugly. I felt so inferior to him, and I hated him. It was at that moment that I was called to the office. When I got there, my mother was waiting for me to take me home. I cried heavily as I told her about what happened earlier. That was the last day I ever set foot in Crespi Carmelite High School.”
“In the spring, something horrible happened that will haunt me forever. We met up with the Bubenheims at the Sagebrush Cantina in Calabasas, and a friend of Polllina’s was there with them, named Nicole, a girl around my age. She sat next to Leo the whole time, and by the end of the dinner, the two of them were making out. Twelve-year-old Leo was making out with a girl who was almost my age.”
Elliot focuses a lot of his energy and anger on World of Warcraft’, which he still plays with friends, but continues to find this life unsatisfying. The time he dedicates to WoW causes more conflict with his step-mother, who continues to try restrict him, and negatively impacts his schooling.
When he is forced to attend summer school to make up for his grades, he slips into self-pity, declaring that summer the “worst summer of my life”.
Elliot continues to express snobbery, entitlement, self-obsession, boastfulness, and a tendency to mostly dislike other people. He is embarrassed by taking the bus.
“I disliked all of the degenerate, low-class students there. They repulsed me.”
“I hated telling people that my mother lived in Canoga Park. It was highly embarrassing for me.”
“Father suffered through a deep financial setback because of his movie. Could things get any worse for me?”
“I went with my mother to the red carpet premiere of Indianna Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” … “The next day, I told some of my teachers that I went to this premiere, and they were very shocked. I bet I was the first kid at that school who was done such prestigious things.”
He continues to fantasize, even creating an imaginary “hot, blonde-haired girlfriend to have passionate sex with”. This description becomes all he ever expects from and desires in a woman.
Still convinced that his fantasy life is something just, something he deserves and is entitled to, he becomes more and more resentful and angry that his reality does not match this fantasy.
“It was at this time that I was just beginning to realize, with a lot of clarity, how truly unfair my life is.”
“Where’s the justice?” I thought. “Why couldn’t I have been born into that life?”
Continue to Part 4 here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
