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On Friday the 23rd of May, Elliot Rodger went on a killing spree in Santa Barbara, shortly after making this video and writing his 137 page manifesto. I spent three days reading and summarizing his “life story” so you don’t have to.
This summary is divided into five parts.
Read Part 3 here.
Part 4: 17 - 19 years old
The short summary:
Elliot begins to fantasise about making sex illegal. He continues to strongly desire women, and to see them as sexual objects and status trophies. He tries to “earn” them through various methods, including dressing in nice clothes and waiting for them to approach him, and is deeply resentful and angry when they do not.
He struggles to separate fantasy from reality. His hatred for anyone who does have sex grows to a point where he considers their very existence to be a direct insult on him, and he repeatedly quits college classes if there is a happy couple in the class.
Elliot expects to be liked, admired, and approached by people who he hates. He viciously insults them in his mind constantly, but despises them when he believes they don’t like him. His anger, sense of entitlement and intensity causes him to begin to alienate those friends he does have, and even his family struggles to deal with him.
He begins to obsess about becoming rich. His family begins to worry about him, and show signs of intervening in an attempt to help ground him, including signing him up for counselling and sending him to a college he’s always wanted to go to.
Elliot looks forward to the new college, and sees it as an opportunity for life to give him what he believes he deserves. If it doesn’t, he resolves he will have revenge.
At this point, Elliot still views women as sexual objects. He feels he is entitled to possess them, and he resents them strongly for not giving themselves to him.
The long summary:
This period really begins when Elliot finds articles online about teenagers having sex, and his reaction to this perceived injustice.
“I felt that no girl would ever want to have sex with me... And I developed extreme feelings of envy, hatred and anger towards anyone who has a sex life. I saw them as he enemy. I felt condemned to live a life of lonely celibacy while other boys were allowed to experience the pleasures of sex, all because girls don’t want me. I felt inferior and undesirable. This time, however, I couldn’t just stand by and accept such an injustice anymore. I refused to continue hiding away from the world and forgetting about the insults it dealt to me.”
Elliot retires into a particularly dark fantasy, one that he clings onto more and more as time goes on,
“I began to have fantasies of becoming very powerful and stopping everyone from having sex. I wanted to take their sex away from him, just like they took it away from me. I saw sex as an evil and barbaric act, all because I was unable to have it. This was a major turning point. My anger made me stronger inside. This was when I formed my ideas that sex should be outlawed. It is the only way to make the world a fair and just place. If I can’t have it, I will destroy it. That’s the conclusion I came to, right then and there.”
During this period, Elliot shows the same resentment and anger towards anyone who is given more admiration, or appears to have more status, than he. He considers every incident a direct insult to him, and starts creating enemies left, right and centre.
“The world still viewed me as a weak and undesirable loser, even though I changed my wardrobe and started working out. What was the point anymore? I asked myself I couldn’t help but feel anger and hatred. Life was too unfair to me.”
This whole period is littered with reasons why he feels he’s better than others: he dresses better, he’s older, he’s half white, he’s better looking, he’s more intelligent. He becomes especially enraged when someone younger or non-white shows more luck with girls than he does. He also continues to display a particular fear and dread of feeling ashamed in front of people, particularly his family.
“I have an exceptionally high level of intelligence.”
“They were high schoolers, younger than me; mostly skateboarder punks or football jocks who had pretty girls beside them. The sight of them enraged me no end. It reminded me of the life I missed out on. They were probably on their way to some house party, where they will get drunk and have sex and do all sorts of fun pleasurable things that I’ve never had the chance to do. Damn them all!”
“When we sat down at our table, I saw a young couple sitting a few tables down the row. The sight of them enraged me to no end, because it was a dark-skinned Mexican dating a hot blonde white girl. I regarded it as a great insult to my dignity. How could an inferior Mexican guy be able to date a white blonde girl, while I was such a lonely virgin? I was ashamed to be in such an inferior position in front of my father. When I saw the two of them kissing, I could barely contain my rage.”
Elliot becomes more and more enraged with women for not dating him, but during all this time, Elliot never tells of an incident when he asks a girl out and is refused.
Instead, the following are accounts of times he feels rejected:
“I would hang out at Barnes & Noble, reading books, always with the hope that some young people would reach out and befriend me, but no one ever did.”
“I continued going on walks around mother’s house in the desperate hope that I might possibly cross paths with some pretty girl who would be attracted to me, I would have been satisfied with that.” ... “I never met any girl.”
“I often ended up sitting alone at some cafe; hoping girls would talk to me before I sobered up. No girl ever did.”
At this point, Elliot Rodger honestly feels indignant and angry towards girls for not coming up to him while he’s sitting by himself, hating women, to offer him sex.
At one point, Elliot is smiled at by a beautiful blonde girl. He is at first euphoric, but soon convinces himself that she would never go out with him, and then sinks again into anger and resentment towards an unjust and cruel world.
Elliot continues to believe girls are unjust towards him because they do not have sex with him.
“All of the hot, beautiful girls walked around with obnoxious, tough jock-type men who partied all the time and acted crazy. They should be going for intelligent gentlemen such as myself. Women are sexually attracted to the wrong type of man. This is a major flaw in the very foundation of humanity. It is completely and utterly wrong, in every sense of the word. As these truths fully dawned on me, I became deeply disturbed by them. Deeply disturbed, offended, and traumatized.”
As time goes on, he becomes more and more misogynistic, absolutely hating and desiring girls.
He develops an obsession with becoming rich, as he feels this is guaranteed to make girls have sex with him, and when his mother tells him he should focus on writing, as she felt he had a talent there, he considers taking up writing so that he can sell a successful book. Once he realizes it would take too long before he’d reap the rewards, he abandons the idea.
Still obsessed with becoming rich, he begins to play the lottery. A read through of the book “The Secret” convinces him that he can will himself into winning the lottery. He is severely disappointed when he loses, and rips the book in half.
He places pressure on his mother to marry a rich man. When his mother informs him that she does not want to get married, “I told her she should sacrifice her well-being for the sake of my happiness”.
The sight of happy couples continues to enrage Elliot, and he repeatedly drops out of classes because he cannot handle their existence.
For a while, he considers stopping college altogether, but when he realises this would mean he’d have to get a job, and the only jobs available to him he considered vastly beneath him, (such as working in a retail store), he decides to continue studying.
“I will never have low-class service job.”
“I concluded that going to college and enduring the sight of couples walking around was better than having to resort to working a low-class job somewhere.”
During this period, Elliot also continues to show he is spoilt. When he’s 17, a suggestion he visit Morocco causes him to throw a temper tantrum. It doesn’t work, but once he’s in Morocco he sulks until his mother relents and allows him to come back. His parents pay for his college, his car, his allowance, and, once he moves, his apartment.
Elliot’s relationship with his step-mother, and now his father continues to prove tumultuous. Eventually he is kicked out of the house.
Elliot’s younger brother shows signs of becoming social and popular, and Elliot feels twinges of jealousy, but he still likes his brother as,
“He was one of the few people who treated me the way I wanted to be treated, with respect and adoration.”
Two major friendships seem important during this time, his friendship with James and his friendship with Addison.
James, as his oldest friend and also a virgin, is a comfort to Elliot. However, he cannot understand James’ lack of interest in exacting revenge on the world, and concludes James must be inferior as a result.
“Seeing James was always pleasant in its own way. He was my comrade in virginity, for he didn’t get any attention from girls, and I’m sure he suffered from it, but not as much as I did. I was very perplexed as to why he didn’t feel any anger towards girls for denying him sex. He should be just as angry as I am. I suppose he didn’t have a very high sex drive, or he was just generally a weak person.”
Elliot speaks more and more to James about his fantasies of ruling the world and torturing and murdering people. After a while, James begins to show some strain and avoids speaking to Elliot more and more.
Elliot plays less ‘World of Warcraft’, but he returns to the game when a new expansion comes out. He quickly levels up to the new level cap, and then spends the rest of his time “ganking” his friends, including James, as revenge for not inviting him to their house when they get together to play.
He soons decides to quit WoW again, partly because he dislikes the changes Blizzard had made to the game, (he is a vanilla elitist) but mostly because he realises “normal” people were now playing the game.
“I couldn’t stand to play WoW knowing that my enemies, the people I hate and envy so much for having sexual lives, were now playing the same game as me.”
On his last day, he spends his time trolling anyone who sounds happy. They are only amused by him, which aggravates him.
Elliot is attracted to Addison because he also seems to have fanatical views, but their friendship takes strain when Addison becomes popular and gets girls. Elliot is of course jealous, and Addison is boastful. Eventually, conflict between them results in Addison deleting Elliot from Facebook, and Elliot to replies with a “hateful message” in response. He then views Addison as a “bitter enemy”.
Elliot continues to keep an eye on Addison, “I checked Addison’s Facebook profile with one of my stalking accounts”, and the more popular Addison seems, the angrier Elliot becomes.
Later, Elliot describes the “vile and wicked experience” of, after a lengthy exchange of hostility and insults with Addison, one of Addison’s insults to him is “No girl win this whole world will ever want to fuck you”.
Elliot’s parents realize he needs direction. They organize him a life coach, and they convince him to go to college in Santa Barbara. Elliot has wanted to go to Santa Barbara since watching a movie called Alpha Dog,
“The main character is a fifteen year old kid who has sex with two hot girls in a swimming pool. I was so envious that I delighted in his death at the end.”
Santa Barbara has a lot of hot blondes, and he convinces himself that he will do well there, and finally have lots of sex.
“The move to Santa Barbara is the endgame, the ultimate climax of everything. I saw it as a new chance that was given to me to finally have the things I want in life: Love, sex, friends, fun, acceptance, a sense of belonging. But I could never forgive the world for denying me such things in the past. I was already turning twenty soon. I had already lost so many years of my life. I deserve better than that. I am an intelligent gentleman, and I deserve the love of girls more than the other obnocious boys of my age, and yet they get girls and I don’t. That is a crime that can never be forgotten, nor can it be forgiven. I always wanted to exact my revenge on humanity for forcing me to live such a life, but I’ve also always had the hope that if I can do things in life to make up for all my suffering, then that in itself would be a form of peaceful revenge.
“In truth, the move to Santa Barbara was actually a chance that I was giving to the world, not the other way around! I was giving the world one last chance to give me the life that I know I’m entitled to, the life other boys are able to live with ease. If I still have to suffer the same rejection and injustice even after I move to Santa Barbara, then that will be the last straw. I will have my vengeance.”
Continue to Part 5 here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
This summary is divided into five parts.
Read Part 3 here.
Part 4: 17 - 19 years old
The short summary:
Elliot begins to fantasise about making sex illegal. He continues to strongly desire women, and to see them as sexual objects and status trophies. He tries to “earn” them through various methods, including dressing in nice clothes and waiting for them to approach him, and is deeply resentful and angry when they do not.
He struggles to separate fantasy from reality. His hatred for anyone who does have sex grows to a point where he considers their very existence to be a direct insult on him, and he repeatedly quits college classes if there is a happy couple in the class.
Elliot expects to be liked, admired, and approached by people who he hates. He viciously insults them in his mind constantly, but despises them when he believes they don’t like him. His anger, sense of entitlement and intensity causes him to begin to alienate those friends he does have, and even his family struggles to deal with him.
He begins to obsess about becoming rich. His family begins to worry about him, and show signs of intervening in an attempt to help ground him, including signing him up for counselling and sending him to a college he’s always wanted to go to.
Elliot looks forward to the new college, and sees it as an opportunity for life to give him what he believes he deserves. If it doesn’t, he resolves he will have revenge.
At this point, Elliot still views women as sexual objects. He feels he is entitled to possess them, and he resents them strongly for not giving themselves to him.
The long summary:
This period really begins when Elliot finds articles online about teenagers having sex, and his reaction to this perceived injustice.
“I felt that no girl would ever want to have sex with me... And I developed extreme feelings of envy, hatred and anger towards anyone who has a sex life. I saw them as he enemy. I felt condemned to live a life of lonely celibacy while other boys were allowed to experience the pleasures of sex, all because girls don’t want me. I felt inferior and undesirable. This time, however, I couldn’t just stand by and accept such an injustice anymore. I refused to continue hiding away from the world and forgetting about the insults it dealt to me.”
Elliot retires into a particularly dark fantasy, one that he clings onto more and more as time goes on,
“I began to have fantasies of becoming very powerful and stopping everyone from having sex. I wanted to take their sex away from him, just like they took it away from me. I saw sex as an evil and barbaric act, all because I was unable to have it. This was a major turning point. My anger made me stronger inside. This was when I formed my ideas that sex should be outlawed. It is the only way to make the world a fair and just place. If I can’t have it, I will destroy it. That’s the conclusion I came to, right then and there.”
During this period, Elliot shows the same resentment and anger towards anyone who is given more admiration, or appears to have more status, than he. He considers every incident a direct insult to him, and starts creating enemies left, right and centre.
“The world still viewed me as a weak and undesirable loser, even though I changed my wardrobe and started working out. What was the point anymore? I asked myself I couldn’t help but feel anger and hatred. Life was too unfair to me.”
This whole period is littered with reasons why he feels he’s better than others: he dresses better, he’s older, he’s half white, he’s better looking, he’s more intelligent. He becomes especially enraged when someone younger or non-white shows more luck with girls than he does. He also continues to display a particular fear and dread of feeling ashamed in front of people, particularly his family.
“I have an exceptionally high level of intelligence.”
“They were high schoolers, younger than me; mostly skateboarder punks or football jocks who had pretty girls beside them. The sight of them enraged me no end. It reminded me of the life I missed out on. They were probably on their way to some house party, where they will get drunk and have sex and do all sorts of fun pleasurable things that I’ve never had the chance to do. Damn them all!”
“When we sat down at our table, I saw a young couple sitting a few tables down the row. The sight of them enraged me to no end, because it was a dark-skinned Mexican dating a hot blonde white girl. I regarded it as a great insult to my dignity. How could an inferior Mexican guy be able to date a white blonde girl, while I was such a lonely virgin? I was ashamed to be in such an inferior position in front of my father. When I saw the two of them kissing, I could barely contain my rage.”
Elliot becomes more and more enraged with women for not dating him, but during all this time, Elliot never tells of an incident when he asks a girl out and is refused.
Instead, the following are accounts of times he feels rejected:
“I would hang out at Barnes & Noble, reading books, always with the hope that some young people would reach out and befriend me, but no one ever did.”
“I continued going on walks around mother’s house in the desperate hope that I might possibly cross paths with some pretty girl who would be attracted to me, I would have been satisfied with that.” ... “I never met any girl.”
“I often ended up sitting alone at some cafe; hoping girls would talk to me before I sobered up. No girl ever did.”
At this point, Elliot Rodger honestly feels indignant and angry towards girls for not coming up to him while he’s sitting by himself, hating women, to offer him sex.
At one point, Elliot is smiled at by a beautiful blonde girl. He is at first euphoric, but soon convinces himself that she would never go out with him, and then sinks again into anger and resentment towards an unjust and cruel world.
Elliot continues to believe girls are unjust towards him because they do not have sex with him.
“All of the hot, beautiful girls walked around with obnoxious, tough jock-type men who partied all the time and acted crazy. They should be going for intelligent gentlemen such as myself. Women are sexually attracted to the wrong type of man. This is a major flaw in the very foundation of humanity. It is completely and utterly wrong, in every sense of the word. As these truths fully dawned on me, I became deeply disturbed by them. Deeply disturbed, offended, and traumatized.”
As time goes on, he becomes more and more misogynistic, absolutely hating and desiring girls.
He develops an obsession with becoming rich, as he feels this is guaranteed to make girls have sex with him, and when his mother tells him he should focus on writing, as she felt he had a talent there, he considers taking up writing so that he can sell a successful book. Once he realizes it would take too long before he’d reap the rewards, he abandons the idea.
Still obsessed with becoming rich, he begins to play the lottery. A read through of the book “The Secret” convinces him that he can will himself into winning the lottery. He is severely disappointed when he loses, and rips the book in half.
He places pressure on his mother to marry a rich man. When his mother informs him that she does not want to get married, “I told her she should sacrifice her well-being for the sake of my happiness”.
The sight of happy couples continues to enrage Elliot, and he repeatedly drops out of classes because he cannot handle their existence.
For a while, he considers stopping college altogether, but when he realises this would mean he’d have to get a job, and the only jobs available to him he considered vastly beneath him, (such as working in a retail store), he decides to continue studying.
“I will never have low-class service job.”
“I concluded that going to college and enduring the sight of couples walking around was better than having to resort to working a low-class job somewhere.”
During this period, Elliot also continues to show he is spoilt. When he’s 17, a suggestion he visit Morocco causes him to throw a temper tantrum. It doesn’t work, but once he’s in Morocco he sulks until his mother relents and allows him to come back. His parents pay for his college, his car, his allowance, and, once he moves, his apartment.
Elliot’s relationship with his step-mother, and now his father continues to prove tumultuous. Eventually he is kicked out of the house.
Elliot’s younger brother shows signs of becoming social and popular, and Elliot feels twinges of jealousy, but he still likes his brother as,
“He was one of the few people who treated me the way I wanted to be treated, with respect and adoration.”
Two major friendships seem important during this time, his friendship with James and his friendship with Addison.
James, as his oldest friend and also a virgin, is a comfort to Elliot. However, he cannot understand James’ lack of interest in exacting revenge on the world, and concludes James must be inferior as a result.
“Seeing James was always pleasant in its own way. He was my comrade in virginity, for he didn’t get any attention from girls, and I’m sure he suffered from it, but not as much as I did. I was very perplexed as to why he didn’t feel any anger towards girls for denying him sex. He should be just as angry as I am. I suppose he didn’t have a very high sex drive, or he was just generally a weak person.”
Elliot speaks more and more to James about his fantasies of ruling the world and torturing and murdering people. After a while, James begins to show some strain and avoids speaking to Elliot more and more.
Elliot plays less ‘World of Warcraft’, but he returns to the game when a new expansion comes out. He quickly levels up to the new level cap, and then spends the rest of his time “ganking” his friends, including James, as revenge for not inviting him to their house when they get together to play.
He soons decides to quit WoW again, partly because he dislikes the changes Blizzard had made to the game, (he is a vanilla elitist) but mostly because he realises “normal” people were now playing the game.
“I couldn’t stand to play WoW knowing that my enemies, the people I hate and envy so much for having sexual lives, were now playing the same game as me.”
On his last day, he spends his time trolling anyone who sounds happy. They are only amused by him, which aggravates him.
Elliot is attracted to Addison because he also seems to have fanatical views, but their friendship takes strain when Addison becomes popular and gets girls. Elliot is of course jealous, and Addison is boastful. Eventually, conflict between them results in Addison deleting Elliot from Facebook, and Elliot to replies with a “hateful message” in response. He then views Addison as a “bitter enemy”.
Elliot continues to keep an eye on Addison, “I checked Addison’s Facebook profile with one of my stalking accounts”, and the more popular Addison seems, the angrier Elliot becomes.
Later, Elliot describes the “vile and wicked experience” of, after a lengthy exchange of hostility and insults with Addison, one of Addison’s insults to him is “No girl win this whole world will ever want to fuck you”.
Elliot’s parents realize he needs direction. They organize him a life coach, and they convince him to go to college in Santa Barbara. Elliot has wanted to go to Santa Barbara since watching a movie called Alpha Dog,
“The main character is a fifteen year old kid who has sex with two hot girls in a swimming pool. I was so envious that I delighted in his death at the end.”
Santa Barbara has a lot of hot blondes, and he convinces himself that he will do well there, and finally have lots of sex.
“The move to Santa Barbara is the endgame, the ultimate climax of everything. I saw it as a new chance that was given to me to finally have the things I want in life: Love, sex, friends, fun, acceptance, a sense of belonging. But I could never forgive the world for denying me such things in the past. I was already turning twenty soon. I had already lost so many years of my life. I deserve better than that. I am an intelligent gentleman, and I deserve the love of girls more than the other obnocious boys of my age, and yet they get girls and I don’t. That is a crime that can never be forgotten, nor can it be forgiven. I always wanted to exact my revenge on humanity for forcing me to live such a life, but I’ve also always had the hope that if I can do things in life to make up for all my suffering, then that in itself would be a form of peaceful revenge.
“In truth, the move to Santa Barbara was actually a chance that I was giving to the world, not the other way around! I was giving the world one last chance to give me the life that I know I’m entitled to, the life other boys are able to live with ease. If I still have to suffer the same rejection and injustice even after I move to Santa Barbara, then that will be the last straw. I will have my vengeance.”
Continue to Part 5 here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
