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20 INSTANT CONFIDENCE BOOSTERS

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We all want to be loved and admired. We all want accolades from the people we work and live with. But sometimes our self-belief can take a knock.

The crisis could be caused by something big, like a new job, a change of city or the start of a new relationship. Or a trivial setback, like missing a deadline, getting a bad haircut or spilling coffee on a document, could send us storming out of the confidence cafe.

A fulfilled life's all about feeling you've conquered personal mountains, moved out of your comfort zone and you're doing something daring. This requires courage - but what comes easy for one person isn't necessarily a breeze for another. I did a survey of friends via the phone and cyberspace and we, between us, came up with the following confidence-building tips.

Treasure chest
'I have a victory box filled with reminders of my accomplishments: cards from friends; a photo of me finishing the Comrades Marathon; my winning certificate of the egg-and-spoon race in Grade 1; a glowing reference I received from my boss; a couple of old love letters from boyfriends. Then, if I need a quick boost, I rifle through the box and admire my achievements.'

Undercover confidence
'I bought a really sexy pair of satin panties and bra from a lingerie shop in Paris, and I wear them if I'm feeling a little nervous about something I have to do that day.'

Walk the talk
'I brainwash myself by repeating, "I can, I will; I can, I will," while walking round the block until I feel better.'

Stride it out
'If I wake up feeling all fat and bloated, I get up and run a fast 3 km, then jump into a cold swimming pool. This gets the feel-good endorphins whizzing through my brain and my self-confidence soars.'

Step by step
'I write out a list of things to do that day and tick them off as I go along. When I get to the end of the list, I feel proud of myself. (Sometimes I do cheat a bit and leave out the difficult, long-term tasks.)'

Grabbing it with both hands
'I take a risk and meet someone new or do something different every day.'

Friends to the end
'I phone someone who makes me feel good about myself and tell them to remind me why I'm a winner.'

Surround yourself with sunshine
'I run away from anyone who looks toxic. Sour faces looking critical and judgmental, those energy vampires of the universe, should be avoided like the plague.'

Fake it fabulously
'Act as if you love yourself by standing tall. Look people in the eye and present yourself as a winner. Eventually, you'll believe yourself, and so will others.'

Mind over matter
'I tell myself that I'm in control of my emotions, the choice is mine, and if I fail or act like a failure, it's up to me.'

Shop 'til you drop
'If I have an interview coming up or some important presentation at work, I go out and buy incredibly expensive shoes for the occasion. It really works!'

Pamper yourself
'Nothing works better than giving my hair a quick colour rinse, putting on make-up and spraying my body with Chanel.'

Ideal imagery
'I use positive visualisation. Picture how you'd like the whole scenario to play out and imagine yourself winning. Create images of success.'

Be prepared
'When giving speeches, I find that preparation helps settle my nerves. I ensure nothing will trip me up and rehearse what I'm going to say over and over again.'

Plot and plan
'Ability and strategy aren't guarantees you will succeed. But they certainly help by creating an environment that fosters success.'

Shout it out
'I speak up in all situations, even insignificant ones, because I don't let myself become afraid of what people might think. If I give way to the fear, it consumes me and then I hate myself for being such a wimp. So I go in up-front and in-your-face.'

Play it up
'I pretend I'm someone else. Depending on the situation, sometimes I'm Kate Moss, sometimes I'm Margaret Thatcher, other times I'm Meg Ryan. It actually does help.'

Self-righteous satisfaction
'I go out to a restaurant with my friends and order a salad and bottled water. I feel I'm flexing my willpower.'

Higher powers
'I pray. I bargain with God and tell him I'll do good deeds every day if he helps me through whatever the difficult situation is. If all goes well, I keep up the good deeds for a week or two just in case.'

Little white lies
'When people ask me how old I am, I add on five or six years, so they'll say, "Gosh, I can't believe it. You look so much younger." Then I smile graciously and say, "Thank you." '
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