Share

Life changing chats

Many conversations take place during a relationship. Some are day to day, routine and inconsequential. Others determine the course of the relationship. When you learn to recognise these critical conversations as they come along, and when you become more competent in dealing with them constructively, you are in a better position to manage your life effectively.

How well do you recognise and handle the critical conversations in your life?

1. Do you speak up when you disagree?
Many women are reluctant to speak up to disagree, especially when the disagreement is with someone more senior, older, or more experienced than we consider ourselves.  We also hold back from disagreeing with people with whom we are in personal relationships for fear of damaging the relationships.

You do yourself a disservice. In the business world your perspective may be valuable in finding an innovative solution to a problem. In your personal life, your view of the world and your feelings about it are no more, and no less, unique and legitimate than those of others.

Disagreeing takes a measure of skill however, so that conversations do not end up in argument. When you acquire the skill, you can speak up to almost anyone on almost anything.

2. Are you able to say No?
Are there people in your life who take advantage of you? How often have you found yourself spending time, money and effort doing something that is important to someone else but has little value for you? Learning how to say no, and recognizing when to say it, is one of the most important ways in which you can protect your integrity. Without this competency, you will find yourself at the beck and call of anyone who asks you to help them meet their goals and objectives, regardless of yours.

3. Do others manipulate you?
Confronting a manipulative person with the reality of their behaviour is a high risk, but highly rewarding, conversation. If the manipulative person is also a bully, the conversation may turn out not to be as difficult as you had imagined. As often as not, bullies respond very promptly and positively when someone stands up to them!

When you allow others to manipulate you, you teach them that you can be manipulated. When you learn how to confront toxic manipulative behaviour, you teach others how you want to be treated and how you will react if they do not show regard for your wishes.

4. Can you ask for feedback?
You need feedback so you know you are on the right track. At work you need it so you can be certain that you are meeting standards, targets and expectations. In your important relationships you need to know that your behaviour is constructive and not damaging.

Whether at work, with friends or in marriages, you need constant feedback so you know whether your behaviour is contributing to better results and better relationships. If you do not obtain feedback on a regular basis you may find out too late that others are unhappy - from a retrenchment notice or in the divorce court.

Ask before it is too late.

5. Giving others feedback
We all have experience of people whose behaviour in some way, drives us crazy. It might be a friend who never listens when you have something to say, or a colleague who seems to enjoy criticizing you in front of others. Your first reaction is probably to bite your lip, afraid of the defensive reaction if you speak up. Eventually however, your emotions get the better of you and you burst out in frustration or anger; an outburst that damages the relationship and may actually entrench the behaviour. You end up worse off on both counts.

What was the most life changing conversation you've ever had? Tell us about it in thebox below...

We live in a world where facts and fiction get blurred
Who we choose to trust can have a profound impact on our lives. Join thousands of devoted South Africans who look to News24 to bring them news they can trust every day. As we celebrate 25 years, become a News24 subscriber as we strive to keep you informed, inspired and empowered.
Join News24 today
heading
description
username
Show Comments ()
Editorial feedback and complaints

Contact the public editor with feedback for our journalists, complaints, queries or suggestions about articles on News24.

LEARN MORE