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Okay, so before we know it, summer will have arrived again and for many of us coastal folk, this means beach time. No problems there, you may say, but let’s be honest, the only people who are really (and I mean R.E.A.L.L.Y) unfazed by bikinis are the fortunate ones sporting a svelte beach goddess body 24/7, 365.
And... let it be known... the rest of us podgies, envy you!
But, alas, it’s not your fault that we’ve piled on these kilos and forgot to shed it. Thankfully, there seems to be hope in the form of disguise and deceit.
10 ways to pretend that you haven't put on weight:
Rule 1 – Bright colours are not your friend.
And neither are busy patterns nor horizontal stripes. Instead, opt for light clothing in darker, neutral shades as they hide imperfections and make you appear slimmer.
Rule 2 – Ditch the baggy clothes.
Forget what you’ve heard – I’m telling you now that loose-fitting, bulky clothes will only add to your weighty problem. While skintight remains a no-no, choose garments that complement – rather than balloon - your figure.
Rule 3 – Accessorise.
No, don’t take your bling to the extreme because firstly, it’s so last season and secondly, it’s so last season. Use belts, buckles and necklaces to draw attention away from your sizeable bits.
Rule 4 – Invest in heels.
Sure it’s uncomfortable, but the pros of wearing heels are substantial. For the purpose of this article, however, we’ll focus on the fact that it adds height (translation: tall and thin) and creates fabulous shape to your legs.
Rule 5 – Perfect your posture.
A good posture will iron out those wobbly creases and it doesn’t hurt that walking tall is a natural self-confidence booster too. Try this: Roll your shoulders back, push your chest slightly forward (ladies, the men will like this), hold your tummy in and bingo!, you look 5kgs lighter already.
Rule 6 – Buy a new bra.
If you’ve put on a bit of weight recently, chances are that your 34B’s no longer fit you. Ask any of the fashion experts – a good fitting bra can do wonders for your physique.
Rule 7 – Wear more skirts.
It’s summer after all so pack those boring trousers away. For longer looking legs, wear skirts that fall just below your knees and if you can find one, invest in an asymmetrical skirt – it tricks the eye by also making your legs appear thinner. Score!
Rule 8 – Shapewear rocks!
Shapewear is all the rage right now and celebrities such as Oprah Winfrey swear by its ability to trim. So what exactly does it do? Essentially, shapewear is underwear that helps slim and sculpt a figure by pulling it in. What’s more? Some major retailers even stock them in swimming cozzies! Hurrah… who would have thought that looking slender was a panty and a bra away?
Rule 9 – Get a fake tan
It’s safe on your skin, looks gorgeous AND makes you look thinner. Say bye-bye to dry skin, and hello to bronzed, (practically) cellulite-free skin. Definite winner!
Rule 10 – If all else fails, then…
...tell your friends that you think you may be pregnant. Not only do you get the joy of making the person who suggested you're gaining weight feel awkward (always fun!) but it's also an instant distraction. Then after a couple of months (when you've lost your tummy), you can say it was a false alarm. Clever, eh?
Can you think of any better tips? If so, then share them with other readers in the box below.
And... let it be known... the rest of us podgies, envy you!
But, alas, it’s not your fault that we’ve piled on these kilos and forgot to shed it. Thankfully, there seems to be hope in the form of disguise and deceit.
10 ways to pretend that you haven't put on weight:
Rule 1 – Bright colours are not your friend.
And neither are busy patterns nor horizontal stripes. Instead, opt for light clothing in darker, neutral shades as they hide imperfections and make you appear slimmer.
Rule 2 – Ditch the baggy clothes.
Forget what you’ve heard – I’m telling you now that loose-fitting, bulky clothes will only add to your weighty problem. While skintight remains a no-no, choose garments that complement – rather than balloon - your figure.
Rule 3 – Accessorise.
No, don’t take your bling to the extreme because firstly, it’s so last season and secondly, it’s so last season. Use belts, buckles and necklaces to draw attention away from your sizeable bits.
Rule 4 – Invest in heels.
Sure it’s uncomfortable, but the pros of wearing heels are substantial. For the purpose of this article, however, we’ll focus on the fact that it adds height (translation: tall and thin) and creates fabulous shape to your legs.
Rule 5 – Perfect your posture.
A good posture will iron out those wobbly creases and it doesn’t hurt that walking tall is a natural self-confidence booster too. Try this: Roll your shoulders back, push your chest slightly forward (ladies, the men will like this), hold your tummy in and bingo!, you look 5kgs lighter already.
Rule 6 – Buy a new bra.
If you’ve put on a bit of weight recently, chances are that your 34B’s no longer fit you. Ask any of the fashion experts – a good fitting bra can do wonders for your physique.
Rule 7 – Wear more skirts.
It’s summer after all so pack those boring trousers away. For longer looking legs, wear skirts that fall just below your knees and if you can find one, invest in an asymmetrical skirt – it tricks the eye by also making your legs appear thinner. Score!
Rule 8 – Shapewear rocks!
Shapewear is all the rage right now and celebrities such as Oprah Winfrey swear by its ability to trim. So what exactly does it do? Essentially, shapewear is underwear that helps slim and sculpt a figure by pulling it in. What’s more? Some major retailers even stock them in swimming cozzies! Hurrah… who would have thought that looking slender was a panty and a bra away?
Rule 9 – Get a fake tan
It’s safe on your skin, looks gorgeous AND makes you look thinner. Say bye-bye to dry skin, and hello to bronzed, (practically) cellulite-free skin. Definite winner!
Rule 10 – If all else fails, then…
...tell your friends that you think you may be pregnant. Not only do you get the joy of making the person who suggested you're gaining weight feel awkward (always fun!) but it's also an instant distraction. Then after a couple of months (when you've lost your tummy), you can say it was a false alarm. Clever, eh?
Can you think of any better tips? If so, then share them with other readers in the box below.
