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According to the Peases, men are traditionally 'fire gazers'. Because they were originally hunters, they have evolved the ability to spend hours without saying a word. When men do talk, they tend to discuss the bare facts, whereas women are interested in the feelings behind the facts.
We're not gossiping, we're surviving
It's been clinically proven that, when under stress, the body releases specific chemicals. Until recently the scientists thought they were 'fight or flight'
response chemicals. Researchers at the University of California in Los Angeles have found, however, that when women are under stress, the released hormones do not entice them to either fight or flee but to stay put and form friendships with other women.
The researchers think this is a throwback to ancient times when it was better for survival that a woman stayed where she was and looked after the children, rather than to flee. Authors Allan and Barbara Pease say that making friends with other cave women also ensured a support system in case the husband or partner died, leaving the mother to fend for herself and her family.
One reason why female friendships are good for stress, they say, is that women tend to discuss their problems with each other over and over – this repetition appears to be a good stress releaser.
To tell or not to tell
While friendships among women are healthy, it is important to make sure your friend can
be trusted before you tell her
any dark secrets, warns Jan
Yager in When Friendship
Hurts (Fireside). He advises
that you think twice before
sharing the following:
More reasons
to have friends
However, the importance of these friendships cannot be undermined. In fact, a woman's identity is closely
linked to her friends, says
relationship researcher Ruthellen
Josselson. A woman is often
introduced to new interests,
ideologies and hobbies by
friends, she says. Research has
also found that friendships can
help improve self-esteem and
can provide a different outlook
on the world.
Women make the best friends
Over the years, it has come to
light in various research projects
into human relationships that
both men and women find
female friends to be the best.
The secret, say authors Ellen
Goodman and Pat O'Brien in I
Know Just What You Mean: The
Power of Friendship in Women's
Lives (Simon and Schuster), is
that women are good talkers
and listeners.
Defining friendships
When author Jan Yager asked
people to describe a good
friend, their criteria of a best
buddy were someone:
Can you attest to the healing powers of a good female friendship? Share your story in the comment box below.
