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So if happiness is a personal achievement, as it is for many of us, we naturally feel that if we're not happy, we're doing something wrong. And if that's the case, can we fix it? There's no sure-fire recipe for achieving happiness, but there are some steps we can take to set us on the road to bliss. Here are a few:
Like your looks
'It's better to be beautiful than to be good, but it's better to be
good than to be ugly,' said Oscar Wilde putting beauty right
where it belongs, at the top of the pile. For the sad truth is that
good-looking people are happier. This is partly because life is
simply kinder to the better-looking, but it does have a genetic
component too: Good-looking people usually have good genes,
which also means they generally have a stronger immune
system, which makes them healthier.
So what do you do if you weren't born blessed with beauty and can't afford an extreme makeover? Learning to appreciate your physical self for how well it works rather than how well it looks is difficult, but it can be done. Begin by reminding yourself daily that cover girls are touched up, models are airbrushed, and nobody's perfect! And bear in mind, as Justin Cohen, author of Natural Ecstasy, points out, 'It's not that much fun wondering if the only reason people are nice to you is because of the height of your cheekbones. We all want to be appreciated for more than what's at face value.'
Don't drain your brain
Clever people are happier, right? They have better jobs, earn
more money and struggle less with everyday realities.
Wrong. A quick roll-call of the unhappy geniuses of times
gone by the poets and musicians whose Muses wouldn't visit
unless they were depressed, for instance makes it clear this
isn't the case.
Ed Diener, a psychologist at the University of Illinois, says this misperception could have arisen because we rate intelligence too narrowly. He says that IQ tests, which rate vocabulary and mental dexterity, aren't the only measures of intelligence. EQ (emotional intelligence) and the ability to get along with people could be the real keys to happiness. Cohen confirms this. 'Emotionally intelligent people aren't just happier, they do better at school and in business,' he says. Never mind if your tax return confounds you. Be happy with the brain you've got and all it can do for you.
Form firm friendships
It's been found that poor people who are given the basics
food and shelter often remain unhappy; by the same token,
very rich people who don't have friends are unhappy too. This
is because all human beings need close social connections to be
happy. Cohen believes that one of the reasons depression has
increased tenfold in the past 50 years is because we've moved
from a communal to a far more individualistic culture. 'In
traditional societies there's little evidence of depression or
anxiety,' he points out. 'These people see their value in their
membership of a community, nation or religion.'
Get jiggy with your genes
We all know people who seem to be cheerful no matter what.
And we all know people who were 'born under a cloud'.
Behavioural geneticist David Lykken backs this up with science
he believes some people are 'born happy'. He says that our
feeling of well-being at any given time is determined half by
what's going on in our lives and half by a genetically predetermined 'ability' to be happy.
Personality, too, seems linked to happiness extroverts usually seem happier, probably because they do things that bring them happiness, like forming strong friendships, enjoying relationships and accepting career challenges. So what do you do if you're 'naturally' unhappy? 'There's a genetic component,' concedes Cohen, 'but genes aren't destiny. We can all learn to be happy. It starts with a choice.'
Say 'I do'
It might sound odd in a world
where divorce seems to follow marriage as naturally as
night follows day, but smug
marrieds are happier than
swinging singletons. It seems
to have something to do with
the security of that official
document declaring you man
and wife. Or, as Cohen says,
'The key to happiness isn't just self-love, it's love!'
One question remains to be answered, however: Does
marriage make you happy, or are happy people more likely to
get married?
Believe in a higher power
Dozens of studies have found a positive link between religion
and happiness. Why is this? It may be because religion is a
powerful way of coping with adversity. Perhaps it's because
people who attend religious services make important human
connections there. It's possibly because religions that advocate
kindness and sharing make their proponents feel better about
themselves. Whatever it is, it seems to work.
Grow old gracefully
You can fight the ageing process and find yourself constantly
at odds with what time is doing to your body, mind and spirit
or you can accept that with age come a plethora of other
things that easily make up for the loss of your perky boobs.
Wisdom and the ability to change what you can and accept
what you can't (and to know the difference between the two)
are the most important of them.
Downscale
Make a list of 10 things you really want. How many of them
are achievable? Less than half? Chances are you're not a madly
happy chap. More than half? You're probably quite content
mainly because you're not sacrificing the present for some
imaginary future.
The US-based Roper polling organisation discovered, in 1994, that the more material goods people had, the longer their list of 'wants' was so their ideal life remained always just out of reach. People with a smaller 'aspiration gap' those whose desires were relatively close to what they actually had were happier than those with wider aspiration gaps.
The bottom line? The more you have, the more you want, so want less!
