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The scourge of gender-based violence and sexual assault, especially rape, in South Africa is sobering. In fact, South Africa is ranked sixth in the top 10 countries with the highest rates of rape in the world, according to global researchers Wisevoter.
While reporting to Parliament after his ministry tabled the fourth quarter crime statistics for the 2022/2023 financial year, Police Minister Bheki Cele said that there had been 10 512 rape victims in the first three months of this year.
He added that the reported rapes had taken place at the homes of the perpetrators or victims, including residences known by them. There are often cases of rape – and murder – that make headlines and send shockwaves across South Africa.
Who can forget 19-year-old Uyinene Mrwetyana, a first-year student who was raped before being bludgeoned to death on August 24 2019; the 20 men who were linked to the gang rape of eight models who had been filming a music video in Krugersdorp, West Rand, in July last year; or the recent rape and gruesome murder of four-year-old Bokgabo Poo in Benoni, Ekurhuleni?
These are just some of the many reported cases, but it seems to be the tip of the iceberg, as most sexual assaults go unreported. This pain not only affects the victims but also spills over on to their loved ones, especially the families, who have been calling for the death penalty for the perpetrators of femicide, as City Press reported in 2020.
READ: Families of femicide victims call for the death penalty
Rape results in trauma and distress for the victims, not only physically but also psychologically. One of the victims of the Krugersdorp rape ordeal last year relived the experience through her perpetrator’s smell, saying:
This begs the question: To what extent does the trauma permeate the victim’s mental state? Kailie Currie, a Johannesburg-based mental health practitioner specialising in human sexuality, explains that many of the survivors whom she has counselled experience anxiety, depression, fear and grief.
“Some individuals develop psychological hindrances, while others seem to 'forget' about their experiences altogether. People develop various coping mechanisms to deal with traumatic experiences; some engage in reckless behaviour, others prefer substances to numb their pain and others try exceptionally hard to pretend that they are alright.
"Often, anger becomes the easiest expression for any emotion that is too intense to cope with.”
Somatic therapist and certified sexuality educator Khumo Masege adds that the emotional effect of such an experience can vary. This includes shame, self-blame and low self-esteem, which she says are common. “Most people have issues with concentration, sleeping, flashbacks, hyper-vigilance and dissociation from their body or emotions and often have mental health challenges, including depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder.”
READ: ‘Please make their smell go away’- says Krugersdorp rape victim as counselling begins
The journey towards healing
With the country’s social ills, especially gender-based violence, femicide and sexual assault, skyrocketing, it’s not surprising that women feel like prisoners in their own homes, workplaces and communities. War seems to be declared on women, no matter the days in the calendar scheduled to highlight their plight. While there is a long way to go to uproot and deal with the causes of sexual assault, especially by the perpetrators, the country’s vulnerable, unfortunately, need to find ways to protect themselves at all costs.
Meanwhile, healing from the experience is important for survivors to regain a healthy relationship with themselves and their partners. The journey is different for each person, according to Masege, who adds:
She says that, sometimes, without adequate support or other means of processing, the victims may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse, and experience dissociation or prolonged mental health challenges due to not being able to regulate their perceptions of danger.
“The experience of trauma without support can become a persistent part of the self and affect relationships, work, self-esteem and other important life structures,” she explains.
Currie adds that there is no set time for healing from sexual abuse.
“The nature of someone's healing journey depends entirely on the person. In my practice, I have seen individuals in their late thirties and forties who suddenly recall their experiences and start their healing journey in therapy shortly thereafter. Some clients of mine have developed personality and mood disorders as a means to cope with their trauma – this healing is lifelong as they learn to cope with new facets of themselves,” she says.
Do men and women respond differently to sexual trauma?
Currie believes men and women react differently to sexual trauma. Men often internalise their emotions, fears and anxieties more, while women are more inclined to seek help and therapy for their trauma. She warns:
READ: ‘We're losing the war against rape'
Masege, however, states that, psychologically, the effects seem to be the same. She notes that all genders can experience depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms and nightmares.
“But social expectations around sexual assault can impact on how someone internalises the event. Women are told their whole lives that they can 'prevent it' by protecting a drink, not wearing revealing clothes or not being alone, and so generally experience guilt or shame around not having avoided it as they should have. Men can experience confusion about whether it actually was sexual trauma (especially if it was coercion by a woman) or what it means about their sexuality (if it was by another man). Societal expectations can make it much harder for someone to truly grieve their experience because of how much perpetuated shame there is around who gets sexually traumatised.”
Learning to enjoy sex again
Masege mentions that, since healing is a journey and not a destination, sexual trauma is no different, as someone can have good days and challenging ones when recovering. “But I do believe people can have a healthy relationship with sex after sexual trauma, especially when boundary-setting, consent, and expansiveness in sex and communication are prioritised.”
Since no journey is the same, it’s important for survivors of sexual trauma to be open and honest with their partners about their past experiences, to create healthy boundaries in all aspects of the relationship, especially in the bedroom.
Currie explains that some survivors of sexual trauma often experience flashbacks and post-traumatic stress, others may feel "trapped" when their partner tries to initiate physical contact and try to break free, while others freeze and do not respond at all. She adds that, in addition to the emotional and mental toll that sexual trauma can take, many women develop sexual pain disorders, a sense of dysphoria or even very real headaches related to sexual contact.
However, “many clients have reported that they feel they have reached a point where their trauma no longer causes distress. It takes hard work, effort and self-love to learn how to build healthy interpersonal relationships – as you need to know exactly what you need and want first”.
Currie advises people that there is no shame in the journey that they find themselves on. “Reaching out for help when you know you need it is a brave step forward to start your healing journey. Dealing with the myriad emotions, thoughts and fears as soon as possible allows you to regain control over your life from the start. Yet, starting your healing journey at any point is to be celebrated.”
Masege adds that our bodies don't know the difference between types of danger or events: “Often, we feel that what happened to us wasn't 'enough' to seek support. I want to encourage that, if you think you have experienced sexual trauma and this information resonated, please seek support, whether it is from a trusted friend, family member or a mental health support professional. There is no one way for a survivor to act or look. You don't need to be 'suffering' to seek help.”
How experts guide survivors to enjoy sex after sexual trauma
- Currie prefers to adjust therapeutic tools to suit each individual in their unique case.
- Some clients come to her years after their experience, when they have been to therapy directly after the abuse. These clients require additional life skills to deal with how the trauma affects their lives currently, as they are generally the ones who thought they were fine.
- She offers trauma debriefing and counselling to those who come to her soon after their experience.
- When clients consent, she offers group sessions for families and couples, as family and life partners are also affected by the assault and may need some tips on how best to support their loved ones.
- Being creative is a beautiful way to express yourself without any judgement or need to explain how and why you have created the art piece.
- Masege uses a trauma-informed somatic experiencing approach. This means getting acquainted with the "body memory" of the trauma and helping someone learn how to tell their body that they are safe again and can trust themselves and other people.
- It sometimes involves some education about what the body does to cope during a traumatic event such as sexual abuse.
- Then we move to heal the nervous system. After trauma, the body can begin to associate any stress with danger, so when we use somatic techniques, we are releasing blocked emotions and experiences that the body had to stop in order to get the person through the traumatic experience.
For more information or help, email Kailie Currie at kailie@quintisensual.co.za or Khumo Masege at khumo@kmhealing.com
