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KIM MABOTA*
“Spending time away from my blesser this festive season won’t be too bad. I won’t be lonely, even though he will be unavailable,” says Mabota (24).
Her blesser, a prominent businessman, has arranged an overseas getaway for her and two of her closest friends. She tells City Press that she told him a while ago of her desire to enjoy a white Christmas and see grand festive season displays, like the ones she used to see on TV as a child.
Now he has made it happen for her.
“He came to my apartment with flowers in one hand and a wrapped, suitcase-sized gift in the other. I fumbled through the blossoms and found an envelope with three first-class flight tickets to London. I was overjoyed!” she gushes.
Mabota says she has come to terms with the fact that her boyfriend has a family and will be too preoccupied to spend time with her this festive season.
“My bank account reflects my mood, so as long as it is loaded, I am happy,” she says.
However, she admits to having initially had issues with their arrangement because she doesn’t get to spend as much time with him as she would like. Mabota lives in the hope that one day they will be together and that she will be the number one woman in his life.
“Having a lot of money and being able to buy anything you want or going away on holiday at a moment’s notice is great, but the reality is that those things won’t keep you warm at night,” she says.
AMANDA CELE
Popular blessee Cele (27) has accepted the fact that she will be spending Christmas alone.
Hailing from Umlazi in Durban, she says spending the festive season without her blesser doesn’t bother her at all.
Accustomed to a monthly allowance of up to R20 000 to pay the rent for her flat and buy handbags and shoes from high-end fashion stores such as Louis Vuitton, she says he doubles his December payment.
“It’s nonnegotiable — he knows that very well. As long as I am loaded, I’m fine,” she says.
Every December, she finds herself with at least R40 000 in her account.
“I don’t get a bonus during the year — this is it for me,” she says.
On top of her “double allowance” at the end of the year, in terms of their arrangement, her blesser also has to book her a holiday. She doesn’t have anywhere specific in mind this year.
“I’m not picky. It doesn’t matter whether he has booked us a holiday in Cape Town or Durban, as long as everything is paid for and my family and I simply have to turn up,” she says.
Last year, Cele was dating two blessers, but one of them was forced to break up with her.
“After his wife found out about our relationship, we had no choice but to call it quits,” she explains.
Over the years, she has developed an understanding with her blessers that they do not text or call each other during the festive season to allow for space to spend time with family.
“But my blesser knows that I want him back in January — he is mine!” she says.
CHICHI MDIMA*
By the age of 35, Mdima imagined that she would be a wife and a mother of two, living in a mansion in northern Johannesburg. She saw herself entertaining her in-laws from Limpopo and showcasing her culinary skills during the Christmas holidays.
Instead, every December, Mdima finds herself looking after her eight-year-old son and his rowdy cousins at her mother’s place in Ntuzuma, north of Durban. Although the house is always buzzing with joy and laughter, she does not enjoy the atmosphere – because her heart and mind are fixated on her lover, who goes on holiday with his wife and children.
“While my family are having fun, I obsess about what he is doing. Is he having fun with his wife, whom he claims he no longer loves? Or, is he thinking about me, but is left with no option but to continue with the façade of the marriage to please his mother?” Mdima says.
It does not matter how much she misses him, she adds. “The golden rule was, and still is, that Christmas or Easter holidays belong to him and his family, and any communication from my side is prohibited.
“He prefers that I go home to KwaZulu-Natal for the holidays; he probably thinks it will prevent me from trying to contact him,” she says.
Two years ago, Mdima (36) decided to spend her holidays in her apartment in Fourways in Johannesburg, hoping that her man would be able to sneak out of the house for a stolen moment with her. But it didn’t happen.
Instead, she spent a bleak Christmas alone and ended up taking the first flight to Durban the next day.
Mdima, a content manager at a publishing company in Sandton, told City Press: “For any mistress, Christmas is the most difficult time of the year.
“I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to wake up on Christmas Day next to my man, with our kids fighting over their new toys. But I have made peace with the fact that it will never happen – at least, not with him. He will never leave his wife, despite his alleged unhappy marriage.”
Mdima has been in her current relationship for about five years. “Not seeing him during the holidays was easy for the first two years, but it is becoming difficult now.
“I guess I have fallen in love with him and somehow hope he will do right by me and leave his wife — as he has promised to do all along,” she said.
*Not her real name
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