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In anticipation of her big fat Indian wedding, Avantika Seeth takes us through her planning journey and she gives some helpful tips on how you can do it (almost) stress-free.
‘Should we invite this person? I don’t even know them, so why should we invite them? Should we have those flowers? What do you think about this outfit? And this colour?” These are the questions that have been dominating the conversations between my family and I for the past few months. With a little less than a year to go before I say “I do”, planning the wedding has been an interesting process.
As a Hindu bride in South Africa, I have been trying to find ways to incorporate my rich Indian culture with my proudly South African heritage because they both make me who I am.
I’ve had many conversations with friends, family members and work colleagues about their wedding experiences, the pressures they faced leading up to the day and how, in some cases, family politics threatened to derail the entire wedding.
Although these stories might not have scared me and my fiancé into the sunset with a romantic elopement (yet), I have been mulling over ideas of how I want my (uh, I mean our) wedding to be.
Traditionally, a big fat Indian wedding has been the norm in our country, even though most Indians in South Africa are at least fourth- or fifth-generation Indians who long ago let go of their ties to their villages in the motherland. Globally, this is also the case.
These days, more couples are opting for smaller weddings, often in countryside venues that offer ceremony and reception packages, making it a full day of events. But even a more intimate Indian wedding includes lavish food, clothing, music and, of course, drama.
It feels surreal to be planning my own wedding. Ever since I can remember, I have loved the loud colours, intricately woven outfits and fanfare that come with Indian weddings.
I am unapologetic about my love for them and you can be assured that my wedding will encompass all this and more. There is one snag, though – the budget. As with all millennials who are struggling to make their way in the world, the budget is a major deciding factor when it comes to what can and can’t be done.
Would I like elephants leading the baraat (groom’s wedding procession) into the venue, like Jaya and Balraj had in Bride and Prejudice? No.
Or perhaps a group of players with blaring dholak (a two-headed hand drum) as our families dance into the hall? Also no. Okay, maybe yes, but this does come with a hefty price tag – depending on whether you’re able to rope in your cousins and uncles from your mother’s side twice removed. My jaan (AKA love, AKA Harsheen) and I have been extremely practical when it comes to splitting the costs of the wedding and figuring out how we can incorporate various aspects without breaking our bank balance.
Pinterest has become my new best friend as I scroll through images of the endless possibilities that are available to make the entire wedding weekend one to remember. It will be a three-day affair, after all, which means three different outfits, three different menus and loads of fun.
I have heard horror stories about how couples have taken out loans for hundreds of thousands of rands to fund their celebrations and, while this might work for some people, I simply cannot imagine starting my married life with a hefty debt bill to pay off every month. We are that young couple who wants to be able to travel and go out and enjoy life’s offerings rather than committing ourselves to a life of debt and stress.
So, we have summoned the powers of our savings, coupled with the generosity of our families who have supported us all the way, as we get ready to tie the knot.
- Remember to breathe. I know this may sound like a no-brainer, but the stress can be overwhelming at times. At some point, you are bound to get a call at work or in another public space from a family member or a vendor informing you of a sudden change. Take a deep breath – it really helps.
- While Instagram might lure us into thinking that we need oversize bouquets and elaborately decorated venues, you need to find your centre and allow yourself and your budget to really incorporate realistic décor elements into your special day. The trend these days is to shift the attention away from the bridal couple and focus instead on things such as décor. Speak to your venue coordinator or whomever is helping with your décor to come up with practical yet beautiful designs so that you don’t end up wiping out your bank balance.
- Your family will by far be the loudest when it comes to providing you with input into how you should do things. This can lead to feelings of guilt and resentment and, while they have good intentions, you will find yourself having to juggle the emotions and wishes of everyone else while forgetting about your own needs. Remember that it is okay to put your foot down and assert your authority during the process. Be kind to them – allow them to be involved, but ensure they know you have the final say.
- Don’t forget to spend time with your parents and family members. It really is a beautiful time leading up to the wedding and you will be giving a lot more time to your significant other as you both visit venues, vendors and other places during the process. Don’t forget to set aside some time for those who love you because it’s easy to get lost in the hype of it all.
- Remember to reconnect with your partner during this process. Much of your time will be spent talking only about the wedding, but taking a Sunday drive somewhere out of the city will do wonders for both of you.
- My biggest tip for all brides and grooms is to remember to communicate with your partner. Tell him (or her) what you would like and what you hope for – not just on your special day, but also afterwards, when every day is meant to be special (or so I’m told).
