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Dear Women24
I just read your piece on "Why does she stay" and here’s my story:
Unlike many women, I have grown kids and I am not financially dependent and yet I have stayed with a man for 23 years. This is despite his countless extramarital affairs.
So, why did I stay? It’s not like I am not educated, short of money or live in circumstances that make me dependant on him.
Here are my excuses:
- I stayed because I thought marriage is for life.
- My two kids were too young to be without a father.
- He will change.
- He loves only me. After all why does he beg and plead and say sorry and weep after he is caught?
- Why does he shower me with gifts and provide a beautiful home if he doesn’t love me?
The excuses to stay in my marriage were endless. I died a little after each affair. I let myself go into a state of depression and eventually suffered from anxiety.
I lost all confidence in myself and I had allowed myself to be manipulated and controlled.
The turning point came when my adult daughter told me that she lives her life like this: Whatever she is experiencing she thinks "what would mum do?" And then she does the opposite.
What a wakeup call that was for me!
I decided to no longer be this person who is stuck in an unhappy marriage. I decided to take control!
Firstly I had to find out who I am, what I want and what makes me happy. I found the strength to face many truths about myself and why I allowed this to continue.
Long story short, this is what I learnt:
- Be clear about what you want, make a decision and stick to it.
- Only I can change my life.
- Take one step at a time.
- I am responsible for my own happiness.
- People will do exactly as they please, no matter what you do or say. This applied to my spouse; after so many chances he still did as he pleased.
- The realisation that I can only be in control of my happiness and how I choose to live my life came late but it did come.
- Don’t be too concerned about what tomorrow brings – it will work itself out. Be concerned about TODAY cause tomorrow is not promised. Live TODAY.
- Find a way to WIN!
My journey has just started and oh how I look forward to each day: living with no stress, finding out what makes me happy and being a role model to my kids!
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
I just read your piece on "Why does she stay" and here’s my story:
Unlike many women, I have grown kids and I am not financially dependent and yet I have stayed with a man for 23 years. This is despite his countless extramarital affairs.
So, why did I stay? It’s not like I am not educated, short of money or live in circumstances that make me dependant on him.
Here are my excuses:
- I stayed because I thought marriage is for life.
- My two kids were too young to be without a father.
- He will change.
- He loves only me. After all why does he beg and plead and say sorry and weep after he is caught?
- Why does he shower me with gifts and provide a beautiful home if he doesn’t love me?
The excuses to stay in my marriage were endless. I died a little after each affair. I let myself go into a state of depression and eventually suffered from anxiety.
I lost all confidence in myself and I had allowed myself to be manipulated and controlled.
The turning point came when my adult daughter told me that she lives her life like this: Whatever she is experiencing she thinks "what would mum do?" And then she does the opposite.
What a wakeup call that was for me!
I decided to no longer be this person who is stuck in an unhappy marriage. I decided to take control!
Firstly I had to find out who I am, what I want and what makes me happy. I found the strength to face many truths about myself and why I allowed this to continue.
Long story short, this is what I learnt:
- Be clear about what you want, make a decision and stick to it.
- Only I can change my life.
- Take one step at a time.
- I am responsible for my own happiness.
- People will do exactly as they please, no matter what you do or say. This applied to my spouse; after so many chances he still did as he pleased.
- The realisation that I can only be in control of my happiness and how I choose to live my life came late but it did come.
- Don’t be too concerned about what tomorrow brings – it will work itself out. Be concerned about TODAY cause tomorrow is not promised. Live TODAY.
- Find a way to WIN!
My journey has just started and oh how I look forward to each day: living with no stress, finding out what makes me happy and being a role model to my kids!
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
