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They say you learn by experience and if that’s the case I’m about to achieve my masters in dating. I’ve done my own research and studied the experience of other field operatives.
What I have learnt is that the dating game has become a never ending round of broken telephone between the sexes.
And I hate to make this a ‘he said, she said’ business, but the message I am receiving consistently from single women regardless of age or area – is that men make no sense at all. Simply stated.
The ‘Dating Behaviours of Man People’ are both baffling and exhausting, so I’ve listed a few common points for us to ponder. Any of them familiar to you?
The hit and run
You meet, he asks you out, says you’re amazing, smses like a crazy man, he’s so into you, says you’re the best thing since PS2, you have a great time, you laugh and laugh, you never hear from him again.
What? A Joburg mate spent weeks chatting to a guy who was all over her inbox while he was abroad, but vanished when he landed back in the country. Awkward when you’re hanging out around the same cocktail parties.
The call and cancel
Plans. They’re like the plague – you don’t touch it and if you do you wash your hands off of it immediately. I’m now so used to guys cancelling a date (IF they can bring themselves to make a date in advance), I tend to make other backup plans expecting them to cancel five minutes before we’re supposed to meet.
The most extreme case was Gypsy. She met this guy who approached her with confidence and class at a jazz lounge (HE approached HER, already a plus) – but then proceeded to cancel their first date FIVE times. Why even bother?
Bare minimum is best
It appears that many South African men believe that, ideally, they should do nothing to attract or keep a mate.
They don’t have to express any form of commitment or interest in you after the initial contact. The mere fact that they exist in your life is ample proof of their attention.
If any effort is made it’s because you called, suggested something or got into your car and drove to their house. I’ve had men thinking a suitable ‘date’ is me keeping them company while they’re stoned or drunk on the couch watching TV. Grown men, actual date ideas.
Hot and cold
I have blaring sirens going off in my head when guys come on too strong in the beginning. When you reciprocate, their interest dissipates.
When you back off, they’re suddenly all over you like a rash. They answer messages within a blink of an eye; and then suddenly ignore them. Are we living in the 80s here where ‘act mean, keep em keen’ is a viable dating tactic?
All for nothing man
This is the guy who will tell you off the bat he’s not looking for a relationship (because, of course, if you’re on your first date with him you know for sure that all you want to do is trap him in your wicked woman snare).
But he wants the girlfriend experience. He wants you to open up, have sex, listen to his stories and put up with his shit, go for dinner dates and to the movies; he expects monogamy and massages – just don’t be going your crazy way with that ‘we are a couple’ bullshit.
At some point he’ll probably tell you the pressure is simply too much and disappear.
It makes me want to run around like Will Farrell screaming ARE WE ALL IN CRAZY LAND OVER HERE?
Because I just don’t get it.
I actually had a recent date quote The Rules to me, saying that if a guy is not interested he’s not going to stick around. Which is fair enough, but this is just a question of manners surely.
Gypsy (who’s a Brit) reckons it’s a South African man thing – that they labour under a sense of entitlement after having their mothers do everything for them.
Miss America thinks it’s the man-to-woman ratio – ‘Why should they try when there’s always another woman ready to put up with crappy behaviour.’
Me? I’d just want to imagine it as simple – if you like someone, say so and do something about it; if you don’t, say so and move on. Not much of a game to it. Surely? Or maybe we are in crazy land over here.
Follow Dorothy Black's Twitter, Facebook and blog pages here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like our Facebook page.
What I have learnt is that the dating game has become a never ending round of broken telephone between the sexes.
And I hate to make this a ‘he said, she said’ business, but the message I am receiving consistently from single women regardless of age or area – is that men make no sense at all. Simply stated.
The ‘Dating Behaviours of Man People’ are both baffling and exhausting, so I’ve listed a few common points for us to ponder. Any of them familiar to you?
The hit and run
You meet, he asks you out, says you’re amazing, smses like a crazy man, he’s so into you, says you’re the best thing since PS2, you have a great time, you laugh and laugh, you never hear from him again.
What? A Joburg mate spent weeks chatting to a guy who was all over her inbox while he was abroad, but vanished when he landed back in the country. Awkward when you’re hanging out around the same cocktail parties.
The call and cancel
Plans. They’re like the plague – you don’t touch it and if you do you wash your hands off of it immediately. I’m now so used to guys cancelling a date (IF they can bring themselves to make a date in advance), I tend to make other backup plans expecting them to cancel five minutes before we’re supposed to meet.
The most extreme case was Gypsy. She met this guy who approached her with confidence and class at a jazz lounge (HE approached HER, already a plus) – but then proceeded to cancel their first date FIVE times. Why even bother?
Bare minimum is best
It appears that many South African men believe that, ideally, they should do nothing to attract or keep a mate.
They don’t have to express any form of commitment or interest in you after the initial contact. The mere fact that they exist in your life is ample proof of their attention.
If any effort is made it’s because you called, suggested something or got into your car and drove to their house. I’ve had men thinking a suitable ‘date’ is me keeping them company while they’re stoned or drunk on the couch watching TV. Grown men, actual date ideas.
Hot and cold
I have blaring sirens going off in my head when guys come on too strong in the beginning. When you reciprocate, their interest dissipates.
When you back off, they’re suddenly all over you like a rash. They answer messages within a blink of an eye; and then suddenly ignore them. Are we living in the 80s here where ‘act mean, keep em keen’ is a viable dating tactic?
All for nothing man
This is the guy who will tell you off the bat he’s not looking for a relationship (because, of course, if you’re on your first date with him you know for sure that all you want to do is trap him in your wicked woman snare).
But he wants the girlfriend experience. He wants you to open up, have sex, listen to his stories and put up with his shit, go for dinner dates and to the movies; he expects monogamy and massages – just don’t be going your crazy way with that ‘we are a couple’ bullshit.
At some point he’ll probably tell you the pressure is simply too much and disappear.
It makes me want to run around like Will Farrell screaming ARE WE ALL IN CRAZY LAND OVER HERE?
Because I just don’t get it.
I actually had a recent date quote The Rules to me, saying that if a guy is not interested he’s not going to stick around. Which is fair enough, but this is just a question of manners surely.
Gypsy (who’s a Brit) reckons it’s a South African man thing – that they labour under a sense of entitlement after having their mothers do everything for them.
Miss America thinks it’s the man-to-woman ratio – ‘Why should they try when there’s always another woman ready to put up with crappy behaviour.’
Me? I’d just want to imagine it as simple – if you like someone, say so and do something about it; if you don’t, say so and move on. Not much of a game to it. Surely? Or maybe we are in crazy land over here.
Follow Dorothy Black's Twitter, Facebook and blog pages here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like our Facebook page.
