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Being in the non-traditional type of relationship that I am, I was forced to work on jealousy. It was either that or leave a 10 (now almost 12) year relationship behind.
I did it by asking a lot of difficult questions about myself – introspection.
And. It. Sucked.
I didn’t want to dig down so deep but in the end, I’m glad I did.
Relationships, whichever type you choose, are hard work and killing the green-eyed monster is probably the most difficult part.
You see, jealousy is not an emotion – it does not exist. If you say you’re jealous what you’re actually saying is that you’re insecure.
By giving it a different name people don’t work on the crux of the issue.
They skirt around it and think feeling jealous is normal.
When you’re in a polyamorous relationship you WILL battle with jealousy (read insecurity). If you add a low self-esteem to that insecurity you can count on heated fights and spending nights crying yourself to sleep – feeling abandoned and replaced.
Sounds horrible, I know, but when you choose this type of relationship the emotions you would feel in a monogamous one are amplified BUT luckily you’re prepared for it.
People who choose to be polyamorous know what to expect and they know it will take work, work that monogamous couples can benefit from but hardly ever do.
When you’re in a traditional relationship it seems the general feeling is that jealousy is okay, sometimes it’s even labelled as cute.
Don’t you think a relationship with little or NO jealousy would be relaxing, joyful, stress-free…pure bliss?
It is possible BUT people approach jealousy wrongly.
They think stopping the behaviour that made them jealous is good enough. It isn’t. Placing limitations on your partner, changing his behaviour to sooth your insecurities will lead to resentment. Rather shift the focus to yourself.
Find out why you feel jealous (again, read insecure). What triggered it? Did your partner look in the direction of a woman walking by? If so, why is that wrong?
Be honest with yourself and soon you’ll see that you felt jealous because YOU think the woman has nicer hair, breasts, legs or…take your pick…than you do.
See every moment of feeling jealous as an opportunity to dig deep and discovery your insecurities. Find out what hides behind your jealousy and work on it.
Relationships can’t survive let alone thrive when one partner is overwhelmed by jealousy.
Insecurity is not sexy.
If you can work on your insecurities and on your self-esteem issues it will take a lot to make you jealous and if it does happen you’ll be able to talk yourself out of it. You’ll know you are the best thing since sliced bread and if someone else can’t see it boo-hoo for them – their loss.
Miss_Muse is a Women24 reader and blogs on Women24's blogging platform. You can read more on her blog here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
Are you prone to fits of jealousy and insecurity in your relationship? How do you deal with it?
I did it by asking a lot of difficult questions about myself – introspection.
And. It. Sucked.
I didn’t want to dig down so deep but in the end, I’m glad I did.
Relationships, whichever type you choose, are hard work and killing the green-eyed monster is probably the most difficult part.
You see, jealousy is not an emotion – it does not exist. If you say you’re jealous what you’re actually saying is that you’re insecure.
By giving it a different name people don’t work on the crux of the issue.
They skirt around it and think feeling jealous is normal.
When you’re in a polyamorous relationship you WILL battle with jealousy (read insecurity). If you add a low self-esteem to that insecurity you can count on heated fights and spending nights crying yourself to sleep – feeling abandoned and replaced.
Sounds horrible, I know, but when you choose this type of relationship the emotions you would feel in a monogamous one are amplified BUT luckily you’re prepared for it.
People who choose to be polyamorous know what to expect and they know it will take work, work that monogamous couples can benefit from but hardly ever do.
When you’re in a traditional relationship it seems the general feeling is that jealousy is okay, sometimes it’s even labelled as cute.
Don’t you think a relationship with little or NO jealousy would be relaxing, joyful, stress-free…pure bliss?
It is possible BUT people approach jealousy wrongly.
They think stopping the behaviour that made them jealous is good enough. It isn’t. Placing limitations on your partner, changing his behaviour to sooth your insecurities will lead to resentment. Rather shift the focus to yourself.
Find out why you feel jealous (again, read insecure). What triggered it? Did your partner look in the direction of a woman walking by? If so, why is that wrong?
Be honest with yourself and soon you’ll see that you felt jealous because YOU think the woman has nicer hair, breasts, legs or…take your pick…than you do.
See every moment of feeling jealous as an opportunity to dig deep and discovery your insecurities. Find out what hides behind your jealousy and work on it.
Relationships can’t survive let alone thrive when one partner is overwhelmed by jealousy.
Insecurity is not sexy.
If you can work on your insecurities and on your self-esteem issues it will take a lot to make you jealous and if it does happen you’ll be able to talk yourself out of it. You’ll know you are the best thing since sliced bread and if someone else can’t see it boo-hoo for them – their loss.
Miss_Muse is a Women24 reader and blogs on Women24's blogging platform. You can read more on her blog here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
Are you prone to fits of jealousy and insecurity in your relationship? How do you deal with it?
