Publications
Partners
- Sandra Moeng* thought her partner was getting a divorce, but now he says he wants her to be the second wife.
- He has paid lobola for her, and she is pregnant.
- Her partner's wife doesn't want to be in a polygamous marriage but Sandra feels like she has no choice but to agree to it.
What doubts could you possibly have when uncles are sent to your home to ask for your hand in marriage? If anything, this should be a time to celebrate a happily ever after with your significant other.
Last December, Sandra Moeng's* family welcomed her partner's family, who paid lobola for her, half of it though.
READ MORE | 'My partner of 9 years and father of my child is living a double life, I only see him 24 days a year'
The agreement was his family would return to pay off the rest while he went through a divorce with his wife. But now, her partner does not seem to be interested in getting a divorce anymore.
"We met in May last year, and seven months into dating, we decided it would be a good idea to do the 'right thing', and that's when he paid half of the lobola. I was happy that I had found my match since I was old," she tells W24.
While trying to deal with the mess of her relationship, she found out she was pregnant in February 2022.
A distraught Sandra shares, "[Now] I'm more convinced than ever that my relationship is also going nowhere. "I'm appalled even to spell out exactly what I am in this so-called 'marriage'."
READ MORE | 'Living apart for 14 years with the love of my life made me hold on to false hope'
"I believed him and went along with his crazy idea because I was foolishly in love with him. He made me so happy, and he was my world. I felt like I was back in high school all over again. I loved how carefree and in love we were with each other." Sandra shares.
Amid all this "madness", she was oblivious. But now, she is starting to see the messy situation for what it is.
"It wasn't long before I learned that my partner was not interested in the divorce; he was doing everything to avoid getting the summons from the sheriff. He'd even boast about it and say that the stupid divorce won't occur. I remember asking him if he wanted two wives because he was still married to her, and he'd just recently paid lobola for me, and he said 'yes' my heart dipped," she shares.
READ MORE | Tinder couple meets while on vacation in Dubai, spends 9 months apart and just got married in Zürich
Sandra feels trapped.
"I'm stuck with a man whose wife is still unsure if she wants to pursue the divorce process because she doesn't wish to a polygamous marriage, and it doesn't make matters any easier that this man is not pushing the divorce process either. I am wearing a ring on my finger and holding on to false hope.
"I guess I'll just have to wait and see how this entire circus plays out, but I'm almost certain that I'll be the only one left holding the babies; while the couple rekindles their love and restores their marriage," she adds.
Not her real name*
Do you have a story to share? Tell us here.
Follow us on social media: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.
Sign up to W24's Newsletters so you don't miss out on any of our stories and giveaways.
