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- People fake orgasms for different reasons but Dr Jireh Serfontein says there is nothing positive about feigning satisfaction.
- It means we are not communicating with our partners and not focusing on each other's needs and desires.
- If you constantly lie about this experience, it might negatively impact the relationship.
People fake orgasms during intimacy for different reasons. Whatever the reason, this doesn't promote intimacy between sexual partners.
Why would you fake the pleasurable big O?
Essentially, you are hiding the truth when you fake it. You are playing pretend and lying.
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"Sometimes people may fake an orgasm to get the experience over and done with. They might not be interested in sex, experiencing pain during sex, have low libido or a sexual problem that causes distress," says medical doctor and sexologist Dr Jireh Serfontein.
If this is the case, it is crucial to speak to a sexual health doctor or therapist who can help you to deal with the issue. No sexual pleasure can come out of awkwardness during sex, especially when sexual partners aren't honest about what their experience of sexual pleasure looks like.
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Dishonesty about this experience might impact the relationship negatively. It may sound convenient to lie or hide the truth about the experience, but it is not sustainable.
Until when will you fake it? Why do people lie or hide the truth about this? To try and keep their partner happy and not "hurt" their feelings?
"People often feel that the most important thing during intimacy is to please your partner and let your partner think they are pleasing you," Dr Jireh says.
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"There is a lot of pressure for men and women to reach orgasm, which makes people believe that orgasm is the main goal of sex and that experiencing an orgasm hits the spot, but intimacy is not only about the end result. It is the whole experience leading up to that," Dr Jireh adds.
There needs to be honesty to have happiness in an intimate relationship.
"It is about miscommunication. Thinking we should get to that point is not encouraging to fake it. Your partner doesn't know where you are when you are not on the same page. If a woman finds it difficult to reach an orgasm, it is better to communicate with the partner and share what type of stimulation is needed," she explains.
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Dr Jireh urges women and men to focus on sexual pleasure and not so much on the orgasm itself. "There is nothing positive about faking an orgasm. It means we are not communicating and not focusing on each other's desires.
"It means we are not focusing on sexual pleasure and just pushing one specific end point and missing everything else that is beautiful about being in an intimate relationship with someone," she adds.
