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You know that moment, just after you’ve had sex with your honey and you’re feeling all loved up?
When all you want to do is roll over and … input all the info about your coitus and the stats about your partner’s body and sexual proclivities into a smartphone app?
So that you can gain ‘Nipple points’ on a leaderboard? And be sextra cool?
No?
Yup. Neither do I. And I’d like to think that neither would any sane adult. But that’s not what the makers of Nipple thought.
Nipple is an app that allows you rate your orgasm, keep track of your lovers and list their kinks so that you don’t forget for next time.
I don’t know about you, but if I have to keep detailed notes about a sexual partner to remember them, the encounter was probably worth forgetting.
Which brings me to the topic at hand: how much tech do we need in the bedroom?
We’re moving far beyond just vibes and man-toys. A company called Frixion is busy developing ‘sophisticated haptic teledildonics’ that will allow users to use, say, a dildo (for her) and a fleshlight (for him), attached to a programme that transmits user input: when he thrusts into the fleshlight, she will feel the force, speed and depth of the thrust via the dildo.
And vice versa. Capiche?
So that without being the same room or even on the same continent – hell without even knowing who the other person is – people can get ‘intimate’ via the interwebs.
And some roboplastic. It’s great in theory for couples or chatroom play partners separated by distance, but what will it do for our sense of intimacy?
Enhance it? Honestly, I think we’re more likely to creep ever further into isolation and fantasy, removed from any idea about what real human contact and interaction is about.
If that seems a bit cynical to you, you’re not paying attention. We’re barely capable of detaching our self-worth from other people’s Instagram feeds, and trolls still enjoy rabidly bullying people from the comfort of inhuman screens.
Relationships are made and broken via chat and entire worlds are being created and lived on platforms like Second Life.
On the surface, apps like Nipple and tech like Frixion might seem innocuous, and even helpful.
But like any tool, it’s generally the tool using it that needs to be double-checked.
Nipple kindly asks users to not use real people’s names and Frixion only punts the happy side of humanity.
But you don’t need a degree in anthropology to know that humans are a poor species to play nice at the best of times.
Not to worry though, there are humanoid sex robots on the horizon for those who need some sweet release without the bother of another human complicating the matter.
Ethics brain Tauriq Moosa wrote about the advent of robot sex for The Guardian, discussing the ethical standpoint of sex with something that never has to offer consent.
A humanoid robot that never has to offer consent. Let that sink in for a bit and let your mind wander to all those dark little places we reserve for sex – and all the shame we’ll never have to deal with with a partner who doesn’t insist on communication and/or honesty.
Look, maybe I’m just looking at the bad side of this. 20 years ago people thought sex toys would end all relationships.
But then people go and make apps like Nipple to diminish human interaction to nothing more than a gamified interaction with wins and I feel rest assured that we will probably screw it up.
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