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- A woman on TLC's 'I'm addicted to marriage' has had 11 weddings to nine different men.
- She was just about to walk down the aisle when her 12th prospective husband left her.
- We spoke to registered counsellor, Phumzile Ndlovu, about getting married multiple times and she admitted that remarrying is not in itself undesirable, but when it is not kept in check, it could be a red flag.
We’ve all heard the saying that goes, “when one door closes, another opens,” however what happens when one door is one too many. TLC launched its new show last year called I’m Addicted to Marriage - and many people have expressed that getting married too many times, as the women on the show have, may be a red flag. The show follows women who have collectively tied the knot multiple times.
On a recent episode, a 52-year-old interior designer, named Monette appeared on the show in hopes to find a husband, but things didn’t go as planned.
READ MORE | Couple, who were set up by their mothers, ties the knot after winning two wedding competitions
Monette’s dreams of finding a husband were crushed after her 12th prospective husband left her. She has had 11 weddings to nine men. “It’s really painful for me to have another failure, especially in this relationship where I tried so hard,” she said on the show.
We spoke to registered counsellor, Phumzile Ndlovu about getting married multiple times and she admitted that remarrying is not in itself undesirable, saying “Generally there is nothing wrong with wanting to get married again, however when there is a constant need to get married over and over again it could be a red flag.”
READ MORE | Pretoria couple's stunning rooftop wedding: 'We had pizza and Kalua Dom Pedros'
Phumzile suggests seeking professional help, should you find yourself on the slippery slope of tying the knot and divorcing so many times that it becomes bothersome.
“Sometimes it’s hard to identify some unhealthy habits and behaviours we have. Having a professional assist you through the process means you will be able to put a label on some of the things you do or experience. From there you'll be able to start working on changing any unhealthy habit or behavior,” she adds.
READ MORE | Six years on, high school sweethearts tie the knot in stunning intimate wedding for 50
- It could be for various reasons such as fuelling that sense of love addiction where the natural hormones such as dopamine get released from our brain which is responsible for pleasure and making us feel good.
- There is a sense of excitement that comes with planning the wedding and being the centre of attention.
- Getting married multiple times can be a sign of attachment issues and unhealthy coping mechanisms.
- Not taking enough time to heal from a previous relationship.
- Having high, unrealistic or unmet expectations.
- Meeting unreliable or abusive partners.
READ MORE | 5 celebrity brides who ditched the traditional white gown for their special day
If you’re looking to break away from the pattern, Phumzile suggests looking at the following attributes:
- Break the pattern of dependency
- Take time to heal
- Find healthy coping mechanism
- Work on taking responsibility for your part in failed relationships
- Deal with current relationship problems
- Work on your conflict management skills
- Take time to get to know a person
Lastly and most importantly, if you're in an unhealthy, abusive or toxic marriage or relationship, remember that there is no shame in choosing your peace and leaving the relationship. Make sure to get as much support from loved ones and experts as possible during the process.
If you or someone you know needs help, you can contact one of the organisations below:
Gender-based violence Command Centre: “Please call me” facility: *120*7867# Emergency line: 0800 428 428
POWA helpline: 011 642 4345
SADAG has a WhatsApp counselling line that operates from 9am to 4pm: 076 882 2775
To speak to a SADAG counsellor: 0800 567 567
Tears Foundation helpline: *134*7355#
