When it comes to scrubs there are different types.
The one thing they have in common is that they all come with carefully calculated reasons why you should support them financially. It could be “studying”, “taking a gap year” or “starting a business”.
If you’re sharing your income with a boyfriend who reciprocates, then you don’t have a problem. The problem is when the brother is plain out using you and still has the nerve to cheat on you.
Ladies, keep your eyes open for these scrubby types.
1. The dreamer
“The only thing that comes to a sleeping man is dreams,” Tupac Shakur once said.
And these words couldn’t be truer because that’s what some people do – dream throughout their lives. The problem is, while your lover lives his pipe dream, you have to support him.
Zenani from Cape Town only realised this after she had spent thousands of rands on her ex-boyfriend’s musical hobby.
“About two-and-a-half years ago, I thought I had found the perfect boyfriend. He was good-looking and knew exactly what he wanted in life and had loads of ambition. Before him I had dated many men with no ambition whatsoever. They were fine with their nine-to-five jobs, with no prospects for career growth. I understood that he didn’t have much, but to me he was going places and I believed in him. So, I spent a lot of money trying to help him get his singing career off the ground.
READ MORE | How to handle grief during the festive season after losing a loved one
“After a year together, he moved in with me. I supported him for a further year and a half, which was difficult because I was not earning much myself. Well, needless to say, he never got that elusive record deal. But I still loved him and would have done anything for him. He took advantage of my kindness and made me feel like I had to pay for his love. It all seemed so wrong, but I went along with it.
“He eventually left me for another girl. I’m glad he left when he did because I would not have had the strength to throw him out. After he moved on, I became more focused on my work. I’ve achieved a lot and have met a man who’s always challenging me to achieve my goals because he is also achieving his.”
2. The moving-in man
It’s been just two weeks of dating and your new lover is proposing a moneysaving plan for both of you, which includes him moving into your house. Be careful, he might make the first few rent payments just to impress you and before you know it, you’re buying all the groceries, paying rent and even his car payments.
Zama from Durban found herself enduring this arrangement about three years ago.
“It’s funny how everything makes sense when you look at it in retrospect. My ex-boyfriend, Senzo, was a leech right from the beginning. We met at a club and he was the man that night, buying me whatever I wanted. We hooked up the next day and soon we were dating.
“I was on holiday in Durban at the time, so when I had to go back to Johannesburg, he tagged along. What started as a week’s visit became a month. Then he told me a story about losing his job and his decision to stay in Jo’burg to look for a job. He was an engineer, so I didn’t worry much.
I supported him for seven months. He would snap at me when I asked him about his pension money from his last job. I let him use my car when he went to interviews. And I would sit at home on weekends while he drove around to see his friends in my car, using my petrol!
“One day it just hit me that I was being played for a fool. I soon learnt that he went around saying he was an engineer, when in fact he had never completed his degree and had never worked as an engineer. When I ended the relationship, I was flabbergasted by my own foolishness. I’m never going to make that mistake again.”
- He asks you to get the bill on your second date.
- He is a musician but you’ve never seen him perform. Or he is writing a book but has not gone past the first page.
- There are inconsistencies in his story that don’t make sense.
- He asks you for taxi money or uses your car every day of the week.
- He wants to move in with you within a month of dating.
- He doesn’t own anything.
- He has no ambition and blames it on the economy.
- He makes you feel like you have to pay for his love.
3. The wanna-be mogul
This is a growing problem for many sisters out there. Some brothers are hiding behind the search for that big BEE tender.
Ladies, he is not going to win one by logging on to your laptop and chatting on social networks all day long! Landing a tender is great, but if no meetings are set up and no company has been registered, you are most likely being taken for a ride, much like Thenjiwe from Durban came to realise four months ago.
“I met my ex when we were studying together. After our studies I got a job immediately but he struggled to find one. While he was looking for a job, I made sure that he had everything he needed. I didn’t have a problem supporting him because we had a history together.
“During the day he would hang out with his friends in the township and do nothing. One day he gave me a story about a BEE tender that was available. He needed to write proposals, so I had to pay for his time at Internet cafés and give him transport money just in case he was called to meet with the company owners.
READ MORE | 5 tips on how to stay safe with online dating apps this festive
“Well, after a number of tender applications, he still had no tender and no job. One day his friends invited him to join a communications company that they were starting. The company took off and started making money almost immediately, but he left me a couple of months later. Money changed him and I still can’t believe that he left me after all we’d been through together.”
4. The good-for-nothing, cheating cad
Sithembile from Johannesburg thought she had found herself a good man, but he turned out to be just the opposite.
“I met Kwando about a year ago. At the time he was working and everything was fine until about three months into the relationship when his work contract ended.
“I played the role of an understanding girlfriend, bringing him groceries and supporting his smoking habit. He seemed more comfortable with doing nothing. I loved going out to movies and eating out, and I would always foot the bill. At times, Kwando also borrowed my car, so he could run his errands.
“Later I found out that he had a child he never told me about. Although we had a huge fight about it, I still took him back. Then I learnt that he was still seeing his baby’s mama. I could not believe that he had the nerve to cheat after all that I had done for him. I realised that he was just a scrub, and that was the end of us.”
