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You’re getting on well, and then he says something shocking or surprising, and you realise you have the perfect joke in response.
It’s so clever and witty. You shout, “Great Scott!” and you laugh and laugh.
Scott might smile politely and utter a hollow and obviously fake chuckle, or he might not smile at all. He might even look slightly annoyed.
What he won’t do is genuinely feel amused and impressed. You see, Scott has heard this joke his whole life. He’s probably heard it more than any joke you can imagine.
He’s heard it so often, he can spot it coming from a mile away and he has to actually work hard to not physically wince when it’s made.
He probably understands you don’t realise this, so maybe he makes allowances; he might smile graciously and laugh politely.
But imagine Scott on a really bad day. Imagine if everything had gone wrong for him – he couldn’t sleep. His PC caught fire. His dog is dying. He’s sick. He’s stressed at work. And so far, three people have said “Great Scott” to him that day.
And then you, in response to something he’s said, something random, reply with “Great Scott!” and then stand there looking smug and pleased with yourself, as if you’re the first person ever that came up with this clever joke.
The thing is, you’re expecting Scott to always, at all times, always be ready to smile and fake a laugh at the same joke he has heard his whole life, no matter how bad his day is going ,no matter how many times he’s heard it that day, never-mind that week and that month and that year, no matter what.
All because you can’t stop for a moment and think to yourself, “Hey, this guy’s name is Scott. Maybe he’s heard this rather obvious joke before. Maybe I should skip on it.”
And maybe Scott snaps,
“Do you really think you’re the first person to say that? You must feel so original. Make way Jimmy Carr because a great comic genius in South Africa thinks it’s astoundingly hilarious to use the phrase ‘great Scott’ when talking to a guy named Scott because no guy named Scott could have possibly ever heard that before!”
And you, hurt and astonished would think: Wow, that Scott, what an angry guy, right? I mean, it was just a joke. And it was a clever joke too. That Scott just doesn’t recognise genius when he sees it. He needs to chill.
***
Now, imagine you meet a feminist.
And that feminist says something like, “I’m really bothered by men who…”
And immediately you reply with “Not all men are like that.”
Maybe she’ll be polite, and reassure you that yes, not all men.
Or maybe she’ll ignore you, leaving you to wonder if she does really believe all men.
Or maybe she’s just heard “not all men” before.
Maybe she’s heard it a lot before.
Maybe she hears it every day. Maybe she sometimes hears it more than that. Maybe she hears it every damn time she says anything even remotely negative about any males at all.
Maybe she knows “not all men”. Maybe she knew that before she even became a feminist. Maybe she’s never believed “not all men”. Maybe she’s not a fucking idiot.
Maybe you are not actually the first person to point out the fact that, yes, “not ALL men”. Maybe you aren’t a paragon of this holy and vital information, and you aren’t gifted with astounding intelligence that allows you to see something others don’t. Maybe you don’t need to point it out.
Maybe you’re just that dude who says “Great Scott!” to a guy named Scott and genuinely believe that’s original.
Only you’re actually worse than that, because by now, you should actually know that feminists hear the phrase “not all men” so often it’s actually a meme.
Now, I happen to know there are some people who are new to this whole feminism thing, who see feminists laughing uproariously at these “not all men” jokes and who think, often quietly and to themselves, “yes, but not all men. Is that really a bad thing to say? Shouldn’t we be allowed to remember that?”
And the truthful answer is, no. It’s not a bad thing. You are right. Not all men.
But, you see, you don’t actually have to tell us that. We know it already. Unless we actually say “ALL men” specifically, we’re not claiming otherwise.
When we laugh at or seem hostile towards people who want to tell us “not all men”, it’s not an indication that we really believe all men, or that it’s a bad thing to keep “not all men” in mind.
It’s just that we’re kind of sick of having something we already know and don’t disagree with always being told us over and over again as if it’s a brand new concept we’ve never come across before.
Most of all, we’re very, very tired of every conversation about certain problems women (yes all women) face at the hands of men (not all men) being derailed into the same old, male-focused, male-praising topic.
Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with focusing on men, praising men, and celebrating those men who we appreciate and love.
There’s just a lot wrong with expecting this to always happen all the time no matter what.
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