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Years ago I worked in a small office with a closely knit group of colleagues. Since they had all been there for ages and sat next to each other for 8 and a half hours a day it was only natural that they were a big part of each other's lives.
A few times we would go for drinks or a bite to eat after work and everyone always had a great time. It was like a tight little group of friends that happened to work together. When I left the company to go a much smaller firm I found I missed bits of the old office.
Yet with a secret relief, I didn’t miss the times there were fallouts which, when you are in each other’s faces all day is only inevitable.
I didn’t miss the stony silences, clipped retorts, curt communication when someone had done something to piss someone else off.
The drama was something I didn’t miss but the sense of camaraderie was something that still sticks out in my mind.
Fast forward to nearly a decade later and I now work in a big company where I deal with many colleagues all day long.
It is great – I don’t miss the small company politics and I enjoy working with loads of people and catching up around the coffee trolley or nattering in the kitchen.
I have a few close friends that I spend lunchtimes with and we sometimes socialise after hours where we will end up being the loudest table in the restaurant.
I keep in contact with a number of old colleagues – they became close friends while we worked together – it seemed natural to stay in touch after they left.
And yet one incident with a colleague at work made my work life unbearable over a year ago.
One person actually made me want to actually leave a job I enjoy – just so I wouldn’t have to see her.
When you work with over 100 lovely people it is such a shame when one nasty mean girl is hell bent on making your working hours as unpleasant as can be.
The worst bit?
It could have all been avoided had I not become friendly with her. If I had simply greeted this person on her first day in the office and left it at that.
But no, the nice person who tries to be friendly and think the best of everyone had to go and become friends with the new girl nearly seven years ago.
In my defence we did go on to have nearly 5 years of wonderful friendship. She was at one stage the friend I was closest to in the whole company and she lied saying I was the exact same to her.
She was the sort of thoughtful friend you grow to cherish – gave birthday presents that you knew she had put loads of thought into.
Messages when you were off sick, chocolate on your desk if you received bad news, lifts to office functions and a lunchtime gym buddy all rolled into one.
A caring, thoughtful friend.
Yes she seemed to know a lot of colleagues' personal business. Yes she spoke about most people behind their backs and yes I did hear warning sirens a couple of times.
But I kept thinking to myself that a person so thoughtful would never do the same to me. I based this assumption on the fact that we were friends. Friends didn’t do that to each other. I was a naive fool.
I went on to do something that was so unlike me,
I sometimes wonder if I would/could or should do it all over again. I stood up for myself – letting her know I knew what she’d been doing and saying behind my back.
See bullies aren’t just happy hurting you, they also need to alienate you from those around you.
The best way she could do it was to get me to doubt my other colleagues (actually went as far as to imply they were the ones gossiping) so that I’d end up trusting her more. She never thought I’d actually question and confront her about it.
The many long months that followed were really awful and made me regret ever getting close to a colleague.
I wished I could go back and undo it all – never get involved with someone who was so intent on dragging high school into the office environment. It got to the stage where I’d put off going to the ladies or to the office kitchen.
Even then my timing in most instances was dreadful (I would ALWAYS run into her) but I did my best to ignore the rudeness. It was so draining. I had enough to deal with regarding actual work – keeping clients happy, meeting deadlines and being a good employee.
No-one gets paid for sitting in the ladies fighting back tears because one colleague is being as unpleasant as possible.
It was worse than a scene from high school mixed with an episode of Survivor. We were all grown up and there was no big prize at the end – yet one person is adamant to stab you in the back.
Bullies are brilliant actors but eventually they have to let their guard down.
Over the years a handful of people have seen her true personality seep through but even still, no-one has ever actually stood up to her. Why would they?
Nobody wants to be the next target.
It has gotten easier but I constantly feel myself putting up walls to prevent it ever happening again. I only recently told a close work friend that I was on Facebook – I was that adamant to keep my personal life away from the office.
This is a work friend that has been nothing but nice to me, but who I have constantly pushed away for three years.
When new staff join, I have my barriers in place and I often feel guilty when time passes and I see what lovely people they are.
It is something I am working on constantly – I don’t want to let anyone at work get close to me so that they can hurt me in the future. I can open up and share online my deepest secrets but I will push away someone I see every day at work.
It may sound crazy but having a fallout with a work friend is so much worse than any other friend as you see that person every day on your floor! You sit a few offices apart and run into them all day long. So if you have a fallout, it isn’t as simple as ignoring their e-mails or texts.
You see them all the time. I don’t want to be an anti-social colleague who pushes everyone away but I cannot help wondering if it really is a good idea to keep ones distance to colleagues? Was this so-called friend my warning?
On the other hand, am I risking my present office friendships and preventing any future ones just because of one nasty person?
I often wonder if I’m letting one person win or just being sensible.
Is it a good idea to be close friends with colleagues?
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A few times we would go for drinks or a bite to eat after work and everyone always had a great time. It was like a tight little group of friends that happened to work together. When I left the company to go a much smaller firm I found I missed bits of the old office.
Yet with a secret relief, I didn’t miss the times there were fallouts which, when you are in each other’s faces all day is only inevitable.
I didn’t miss the stony silences, clipped retorts, curt communication when someone had done something to piss someone else off.
The drama was something I didn’t miss but the sense of camaraderie was something that still sticks out in my mind.
Fast forward to nearly a decade later and I now work in a big company where I deal with many colleagues all day long.
It is great – I don’t miss the small company politics and I enjoy working with loads of people and catching up around the coffee trolley or nattering in the kitchen.
I have a few close friends that I spend lunchtimes with and we sometimes socialise after hours where we will end up being the loudest table in the restaurant.
I keep in contact with a number of old colleagues – they became close friends while we worked together – it seemed natural to stay in touch after they left.
And yet one incident with a colleague at work made my work life unbearable over a year ago.
One person actually made me want to actually leave a job I enjoy – just so I wouldn’t have to see her.
When you work with over 100 lovely people it is such a shame when one nasty mean girl is hell bent on making your working hours as unpleasant as can be.
The worst bit?
It could have all been avoided had I not become friendly with her. If I had simply greeted this person on her first day in the office and left it at that.
But no, the nice person who tries to be friendly and think the best of everyone had to go and become friends with the new girl nearly seven years ago.
In my defence we did go on to have nearly 5 years of wonderful friendship. She was at one stage the friend I was closest to in the whole company and she lied saying I was the exact same to her.
She was the sort of thoughtful friend you grow to cherish – gave birthday presents that you knew she had put loads of thought into.
Messages when you were off sick, chocolate on your desk if you received bad news, lifts to office functions and a lunchtime gym buddy all rolled into one.
A caring, thoughtful friend.
Yes she seemed to know a lot of colleagues' personal business. Yes she spoke about most people behind their backs and yes I did hear warning sirens a couple of times.
But I kept thinking to myself that a person so thoughtful would never do the same to me. I based this assumption on the fact that we were friends. Friends didn’t do that to each other. I was a naive fool.
I went on to do something that was so unlike me,
I sometimes wonder if I would/could or should do it all over again. I stood up for myself – letting her know I knew what she’d been doing and saying behind my back.
See bullies aren’t just happy hurting you, they also need to alienate you from those around you.
The best way she could do it was to get me to doubt my other colleagues (actually went as far as to imply they were the ones gossiping) so that I’d end up trusting her more. She never thought I’d actually question and confront her about it.
The many long months that followed were really awful and made me regret ever getting close to a colleague.
I wished I could go back and undo it all – never get involved with someone who was so intent on dragging high school into the office environment. It got to the stage where I’d put off going to the ladies or to the office kitchen.
Even then my timing in most instances was dreadful (I would ALWAYS run into her) but I did my best to ignore the rudeness. It was so draining. I had enough to deal with regarding actual work – keeping clients happy, meeting deadlines and being a good employee.
No-one gets paid for sitting in the ladies fighting back tears because one colleague is being as unpleasant as possible.
It was worse than a scene from high school mixed with an episode of Survivor. We were all grown up and there was no big prize at the end – yet one person is adamant to stab you in the back.
Bullies are brilliant actors but eventually they have to let their guard down.
Over the years a handful of people have seen her true personality seep through but even still, no-one has ever actually stood up to her. Why would they?
Nobody wants to be the next target.
It has gotten easier but I constantly feel myself putting up walls to prevent it ever happening again. I only recently told a close work friend that I was on Facebook – I was that adamant to keep my personal life away from the office.
This is a work friend that has been nothing but nice to me, but who I have constantly pushed away for three years.
When new staff join, I have my barriers in place and I often feel guilty when time passes and I see what lovely people they are.
It is something I am working on constantly – I don’t want to let anyone at work get close to me so that they can hurt me in the future. I can open up and share online my deepest secrets but I will push away someone I see every day at work.
It may sound crazy but having a fallout with a work friend is so much worse than any other friend as you see that person every day on your floor! You sit a few offices apart and run into them all day long. So if you have a fallout, it isn’t as simple as ignoring their e-mails or texts.
You see them all the time. I don’t want to be an anti-social colleague who pushes everyone away but I cannot help wondering if it really is a good idea to keep ones distance to colleagues? Was this so-called friend my warning?
On the other hand, am I risking my present office friendships and preventing any future ones just because of one nasty person?
I often wonder if I’m letting one person win or just being sensible.
Is it a good idea to be close friends with colleagues?
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
