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I am going to say on a scale of one to ten with ten being extremely bad, office collections rank at nine. Maybe nine and a half at times.
Over the years of doing this dreadful deed I have found out the various personalities that make up an office are all shown the moment you do an office collection.
Now 95% of colleagues I have worked with over the years at various companies are awesome but do an office collection and you will see a side to the other 5% which you have not seen before. So here it is, the list of people who will make up the office collection drama:
The I’m too sick/busy/important/selfish to do the actual collection:
This is the person who will dump the ghastly task on you. Often they are not in your department. Or even on your floor. But because you have shared more than one conversation with the person getting married/having a baby/leaving - you will be asked to help. Oh joy.
You send out your e-mail to all staff informing them of X’s impending wedding/baby shower/farewell and then the performance begins with the following:
The blatantly stingy ones:
You have barely clicked send and they have typed a reply with a curt “I will not be contributing Tks”. I swear they have a typed up e-mail in their drafts to deal with collections – it is physically impossible to type that fast.
Please note these people are also the ones who refuse to sign cards and shoo you away from their desks as if you are a bad smell. It doesn’t cost to be polite but these folk clearly didn’t receive that memo.
The grudge holder:
They refuse to give because x said something to them in 2007. Now this is between them and x but you will hear the pathetic story when you approach their desk clutching your collection envelope and a shred of enthusiasm.
They don’t tell you beforehand because then they will be done out of boring you to tears with why they find x so offensive since the 2007 incident. Since you are often stuck doing x’s collection more than once, you will hear the story multiple times. Grudge holders often spend lunchtimes alone (I am not implying there is a link – I am just stating a fact).
The tight-fisted donor:
This is the person that takes the envelope from you so that you cannot see what they put inside (most normal people hand over their donation) but that would be too easy. You are guaranteed after visiting this person to find a very odd amount in the collection which will include a 20c coin.
They also refuse to write a proper message in the card, preferring to write their name in it and leave it like that.
Could someone out there please tell me what sort of message a scrawled name is? The tight fisted donor is also known to ask you what the collection is for as if they are far too busy to possibly keep track of what is going on around them. After all, storing up 20c coins is a time consuming activity.
The winner of the staring completion:
They sign the card with the longest congratulations/farewell note known to anyone, hand back the card and stare at you until you leave their desk. They never give to any collection. Ever. Ironically this is the person who will be beneficiary of most collections.
They really will ensure they are the receipient of numerous collections before leaving and cashing in on the final farewell gift.
The missing colleague:
They tell you to come back and then everytime you do, you find a closed door or hear they are in a meeting. Far away. They only return after you have gone away with your envelope and greeting card. Then after the collection is finished they suddenly want to contribute.
“Oh dear, you have already bought the gift?” Concern and confusion with a furrowed brow (they like to look generous). I usually just smile and nod while thinking: Yes cheapskate, the gift was bought three weeks ago.
I know times are tough and budgets are tight but a polite “not this collection” or “sorry I can’t this time” goes a long way. As does “I’d rather not, thanks” as the grudge holder should do once in a while.
It doesn’t cost to have manners and that missing ingredient is what makes most collections so unpleasant. There is a massive difference between cannot give and will not give.
I have learnt over the years that the best way to deal with a collection is to take no notice of the stingy folk and instead focus on the generosity you will find in the other 95% of your colleagues.
Some will give and merrily sign a card as they are very happy that x is getting hitched or having a baby or perhaps (as I am sure has been the case in some offices) leaving. They know what an absolutely horrible task collections can be.
Also the drama that accompanies the collection is between the recipient and the abovementioned characters.
You are merely carrying the envelope and card and doing something nice for a colleague. Stingy people forget they too will one day have a collection done for them and believe me that is one collection you do not want to be saddled with.
SAHedgehog is a Women24 reader and blogs on Women24's blogging platform. Start your own blog here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter.
Over the years of doing this dreadful deed I have found out the various personalities that make up an office are all shown the moment you do an office collection.
Now 95% of colleagues I have worked with over the years at various companies are awesome but do an office collection and you will see a side to the other 5% which you have not seen before. So here it is, the list of people who will make up the office collection drama:
The I’m too sick/busy/important/selfish to do the actual collection:
This is the person who will dump the ghastly task on you. Often they are not in your department. Or even on your floor. But because you have shared more than one conversation with the person getting married/having a baby/leaving - you will be asked to help. Oh joy.
You send out your e-mail to all staff informing them of X’s impending wedding/baby shower/farewell and then the performance begins with the following:
The blatantly stingy ones:
You have barely clicked send and they have typed a reply with a curt “I will not be contributing Tks”. I swear they have a typed up e-mail in their drafts to deal with collections – it is physically impossible to type that fast.
Please note these people are also the ones who refuse to sign cards and shoo you away from their desks as if you are a bad smell. It doesn’t cost to be polite but these folk clearly didn’t receive that memo.
The grudge holder:
They refuse to give because x said something to them in 2007. Now this is between them and x but you will hear the pathetic story when you approach their desk clutching your collection envelope and a shred of enthusiasm.
They don’t tell you beforehand because then they will be done out of boring you to tears with why they find x so offensive since the 2007 incident. Since you are often stuck doing x’s collection more than once, you will hear the story multiple times. Grudge holders often spend lunchtimes alone (I am not implying there is a link – I am just stating a fact).
The tight-fisted donor:
This is the person that takes the envelope from you so that you cannot see what they put inside (most normal people hand over their donation) but that would be too easy. You are guaranteed after visiting this person to find a very odd amount in the collection which will include a 20c coin.
They also refuse to write a proper message in the card, preferring to write their name in it and leave it like that.
Could someone out there please tell me what sort of message a scrawled name is? The tight fisted donor is also known to ask you what the collection is for as if they are far too busy to possibly keep track of what is going on around them. After all, storing up 20c coins is a time consuming activity.
The winner of the staring completion:
They sign the card with the longest congratulations/farewell note known to anyone, hand back the card and stare at you until you leave their desk. They never give to any collection. Ever. Ironically this is the person who will be beneficiary of most collections.
They really will ensure they are the receipient of numerous collections before leaving and cashing in on the final farewell gift.
The missing colleague:
They tell you to come back and then everytime you do, you find a closed door or hear they are in a meeting. Far away. They only return after you have gone away with your envelope and greeting card. Then after the collection is finished they suddenly want to contribute.
“Oh dear, you have already bought the gift?” Concern and confusion with a furrowed brow (they like to look generous). I usually just smile and nod while thinking: Yes cheapskate, the gift was bought three weeks ago.
I know times are tough and budgets are tight but a polite “not this collection” or “sorry I can’t this time” goes a long way. As does “I’d rather not, thanks” as the grudge holder should do once in a while.
It doesn’t cost to have manners and that missing ingredient is what makes most collections so unpleasant. There is a massive difference between cannot give and will not give.
I have learnt over the years that the best way to deal with a collection is to take no notice of the stingy folk and instead focus on the generosity you will find in the other 95% of your colleagues.
Some will give and merrily sign a card as they are very happy that x is getting hitched or having a baby or perhaps (as I am sure has been the case in some offices) leaving. They know what an absolutely horrible task collections can be.
Also the drama that accompanies the collection is between the recipient and the abovementioned characters.
You are merely carrying the envelope and card and doing something nice for a colleague. Stingy people forget they too will one day have a collection done for them and believe me that is one collection you do not want to be saddled with.
SAHedgehog is a Women24 reader and blogs on Women24's blogging platform. Start your own blog here.
Follow Women24 on Twitter.
