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Sexy-time skill is like the salt in your meal, the fizz in your soda, the spring in your trampoline … without it, banging away can feel a little blah at best and downright disappointing or pointless at worst. Hump hump hump yawn.
The desire to hump might come naturally to humans, knowing HOW to do so with skill is a quality that needs to be acquired.
So, assuming you’ve got Mr Awesome and three of the Cs covered – chemistry, correspondence (ie your erotic natures are similar… no use getting it on with a bedroom bore if you’re a crazy kinkster at heart) and confidence, you start using the ‘communication’ bit to work on his skill levels when they’re lacking.
Men aren’t born with an innate understanding of female sexual physiology and if you’re not educating your partner about it, you’re doing yourself and the rest of sisterhood a disservice.
Rhythm blues
The problem: There are two distinct expressions of rhythm blues – rabbitting and the awkward stop-start. It’s like the penis goes into monotonous pump action or bipolar mode.
The solution: Of course, this isn’t helped by you just lying back like a sack of sand, silently wishing he’ll suddenly just get a good grind on. He’s not telepathic and you have hips – move them. Set the rhythm and, if needs be, tell him to stop and follow your lead or show him by grabbing his butt or hips and moving him the way you like.
Position predicaments
The problem: Dude changes position every five seconds. I reckon it’s a result of three things: Thinking real-life sex should be like porn (where this is common), not knowing how women’s bodies work and/or insecurity.
The solution: Being constantly flipped (guys often make an executive decision about this) from one position to the next – especially those that leave my clit unattended – is bewildering and generally makes me want to shout ‘WTAF! WILL YA STOP DOING THAT ALREADY!
Which is pretty much what I do. And it totally works because he stops doing it.
Most lady bits, such as the clit or G-spot, need a fairly regular rhythm and sustained, strategic contact to reach orgasm. Explain what works for you. You’re totally happy to try out new positions – just not 20 in the space of one ten-minute session.
This isn’t Cosmolife. There is all the time in the world, and as much sex to be had, to give each position its fair go and experimentation to find what will work for both of you.
Time Scrooge
The problem: The guy doesn’t take his time. Ever. Look, there’s all kinds of sex to be had, but sometimes a delicious build up to a shag is required.
Call it lovemaking, call it whatever you like. I always thought that you could educate by example. Like such: I spend time giving you a sexy massage, you will do the same. Right? WRONG. Taking time to ‘build a fire’, as my Tantra swami would say, is not magically part of many people’s sex files.
The solution: If you want your man to take his time you need to tell him what you want. Show him and then ask him to do the same for you. Be coy about, be a dom about it, be a hungry little honey about it – I don’t care – but tell him.
To be honest, I’ve had some bad experience with man ego in this regard. I had a BF start a four-hour argument with me after I said I needed some more long-time sexy time, because he felt insecure about not knowing this automatically. It happens.
Performance monkey
The problem: Your dude is so fixated on ‘giving you an orgasm’ or making you ‘squirt’ that he saps all the fun out of sex – and probably bores any happy time right out of your vagina.
This kind of goal-oriented sex isn’t just a ‘guy thing’, but more women seem able to enjoy the intimacy and physical contact regardless of the orgasm. Guys don’t really ‘get’ that.
The solution: If you make an issue out of something it becomes an issue. Molehills, mountains and so on.
If you never orgasm and it’s about upskilling yourself or him, do something about it. If it’s just a fixation he’s got going on for himself, tell him to stop and figure out what role his ego plays in your pleasure. Assure him that you are fully capable of enjoying sex the way you enjoy it.
Anyway. Those are my top bedroom bugbears. What else do you struggle with?
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
Check out Dorothy Black's blog, follow her on Twitter and like her Facebook page.
The desire to hump might come naturally to humans, knowing HOW to do so with skill is a quality that needs to be acquired.
So, assuming you’ve got Mr Awesome and three of the Cs covered – chemistry, correspondence (ie your erotic natures are similar… no use getting it on with a bedroom bore if you’re a crazy kinkster at heart) and confidence, you start using the ‘communication’ bit to work on his skill levels when they’re lacking.
Men aren’t born with an innate understanding of female sexual physiology and if you’re not educating your partner about it, you’re doing yourself and the rest of sisterhood a disservice.
Rhythm blues
The problem: There are two distinct expressions of rhythm blues – rabbitting and the awkward stop-start. It’s like the penis goes into monotonous pump action or bipolar mode.
The solution: Of course, this isn’t helped by you just lying back like a sack of sand, silently wishing he’ll suddenly just get a good grind on. He’s not telepathic and you have hips – move them. Set the rhythm and, if needs be, tell him to stop and follow your lead or show him by grabbing his butt or hips and moving him the way you like.
Position predicaments
The problem: Dude changes position every five seconds. I reckon it’s a result of three things: Thinking real-life sex should be like porn (where this is common), not knowing how women’s bodies work and/or insecurity.
The solution: Being constantly flipped (guys often make an executive decision about this) from one position to the next – especially those that leave my clit unattended – is bewildering and generally makes me want to shout ‘WTAF! WILL YA STOP DOING THAT ALREADY!
Which is pretty much what I do. And it totally works because he stops doing it.
Most lady bits, such as the clit or G-spot, need a fairly regular rhythm and sustained, strategic contact to reach orgasm. Explain what works for you. You’re totally happy to try out new positions – just not 20 in the space of one ten-minute session.
This isn’t Cosmolife. There is all the time in the world, and as much sex to be had, to give each position its fair go and experimentation to find what will work for both of you.
Time Scrooge
The problem: The guy doesn’t take his time. Ever. Look, there’s all kinds of sex to be had, but sometimes a delicious build up to a shag is required.
Call it lovemaking, call it whatever you like. I always thought that you could educate by example. Like such: I spend time giving you a sexy massage, you will do the same. Right? WRONG. Taking time to ‘build a fire’, as my Tantra swami would say, is not magically part of many people’s sex files.
The solution: If you want your man to take his time you need to tell him what you want. Show him and then ask him to do the same for you. Be coy about, be a dom about it, be a hungry little honey about it – I don’t care – but tell him.
To be honest, I’ve had some bad experience with man ego in this regard. I had a BF start a four-hour argument with me after I said I needed some more long-time sexy time, because he felt insecure about not knowing this automatically. It happens.
Performance monkey
The problem: Your dude is so fixated on ‘giving you an orgasm’ or making you ‘squirt’ that he saps all the fun out of sex – and probably bores any happy time right out of your vagina.
This kind of goal-oriented sex isn’t just a ‘guy thing’, but more women seem able to enjoy the intimacy and physical contact regardless of the orgasm. Guys don’t really ‘get’ that.
The solution: If you make an issue out of something it becomes an issue. Molehills, mountains and so on.
If you never orgasm and it’s about upskilling yourself or him, do something about it. If it’s just a fixation he’s got going on for himself, tell him to stop and figure out what role his ego plays in your pleasure. Assure him that you are fully capable of enjoying sex the way you enjoy it.
Anyway. Those are my top bedroom bugbears. What else do you struggle with?
Follow Women24 on Twitter and like us on Facebook.
Check out Dorothy Black's blog, follow her on Twitter and like her Facebook page.
