QUESTION
My husband is jealous that when he got fired I got a promotion. He was fired for going to work drunk soon after he got his bonus payout. He seemed relaxed and he just kept on drinking saying that he would find a better job. The problems started after I got promoted to store manager. He has been acting weird ever since I broke the news. Our home has turned into a warzone. He wakes up early in the morning, goes out to drink, only to come back and call me names.
When I try to reason with him, he becomes violent. He has never laid a hand on me, but I have lost two television sets and all my plates, cups and glasses to his violent nature. Our kids stay with my mother and I’m glad they don’t get to experience the violence. I think he could be depressed. I want my old husband back but I don’t know how to get him back. Our marriage is falling apart. WORRIED WIFE
MOVE! EXPERT ADVICE
social worker based in Benoni, Nthabiseng Madikgetla, says, “I sense that you believe the only time you can act on your husband’s violent behaviour is if he lays his hands on you. The truth is that you can act on any form of abuse and you do not have to wait until it escalates to physical abuse. Your safety should be a priority and I recommend that you visit your nearest POWA (People Opposing Woman Abuse) offices for assistance and support in terms of addressing the violent behaviour your husband is displaying.
You will also receive emotional and psychological support. I also recommend that you suggest to your husband that he seeks professional help for his drinking problem and for a formal assessment and diagnosis of depression. He can be helped if he admits that he needs help. This may take some persuasion as in most cases people do not easily admit to having a problem.”
READERS ADVISE
CLAUDIA MAKHUBELA
You still don’t know what to do while all he wants is to destroy everything you worked for to spite you for something he did to himself. Wake up and smell the coffee. He’s not depressed but bitter.
SLYZO SIGUDU
It’s really hard to come to terms with losing a job. It is very depressing, especially as the head of the house. He needs your support and he also needs counselling in order to get over this issue.
PAILE PAILE
His ego and manhood is bruised from not being able to provide for you. Go for counselling together because no matter what he’s going through, violence is not a solution.
LIMPHO MANYO
Your husband is depressed, help him before it’s too late. There is no way that he will get a better job if he’s always drunk. Talk to him, when he’s sober, about seeking professional help.
