QUESTION
I'm a 47-year-old widowed mom with three daughters aged 19, 15 and six. After their father passed away four years ago, I struggled to get on the dating scene. I also wanted to respect my children and not bring a new man into their lives while they were mourning their father.
About 14 months ago, I met a handsome man aged 26 who told me he loved me and, against my better judgement, I fell in love with him. We were madly in love and even considering having him move in with us.
The relationship ended when he confessed to having cheated on me with someone else for eight months of our relationship and that the person was pregnant. But the real shock came when I found out that the pregnant person is my eldest daughter.
Now I’m still in love with this man, dealing with both of their betrayal, and I have to find a way to be supportive of my daughter who is still too young to be a mother. Please help. - STRESSED MOM
MOVE! EXPERT ADVICE
Thuli Bottoman, who is a counselling social worker at Families South Africa (FAMSA), says: “This must have been a shock for you and left you with a sense of disappointment, humiliation and betrayal. "In order for the relationship with your daughter to continue, and to enable you to recognise the child as your grandchild, it's important to seek family counselling where these issues can be addressed and resolved.
"Your daughter needs to understand the impact and consequences of her choices, as does your ex-boyfriend. It's critical that you deal with your feelings of anger and disappointment, and how you want to proceed with these relationships. A counsellor can assist you in carving your own path from here.”
READERS ADVISE
PHINDILE MATHEBULA
Real men can’t be stolen, dear. Let your daughter have him. Don’t worry, you will find someone who will love you and appreciate you. You deserve better than this humiliation. Let him go and let God take control of your situation.
MASEGO MONCHWE
It's quite a relief that you didn't seriously commit to this man before he showed you his true colours. In future you must be careful about who you bring into your life. It's a pity that this situation may affect your relationship with your daughter.
DESIREE SEKGOLOANA
That boyfriend is no property. He can’t be stolen. He knew exactly what he was doing. He's not worth your love or fighting for. In this case, it’s unfortunate he came between you and your daughter. Hopefully, you have learnt your lesson.
THABO NKOSI
It looks like you and your daughter must have watched the film Mama Stole My Hunk. Your boyfriend was there to nurture his relationship with your daughter and you were just a distraction. So, please move on and find a real man, not a toy boy.
